Need help with 22 month old asking to nurse all day and all night

[dance]

I am writing this with shaking hands.  We have hit absolute rock bottom and a change needs to be made. I am asking for help on how to make a change.

My 22 month old DD was down to 1 morning and 1 night feeding at around 18 months, she would still wake up every night and ask for milk in spite of months and months of me never giving in. Ditto in the day. Nevertheless, I was able to stick to my guns.

Recently we took 2 trips, one of which in a different time zone and I nursed her pretty much on demand out of convenience and also I felt like she needed the comfort with the jet lag and change of environment.

Now I am back home and she is asking to nurse around the clock. Even when I do decide to nurse her and I unlatch her after say 30min. she starts asking for milk hysterically.

I am not able to give her what she wants, I cannot do it anymore sadly. I feel like I am not even really doing her any good giving her the breast while I resent it. It is hurting our relationship.

Can anyone help me here, I need something to change.

Thank you,

A desperate mama.

[namistenicole]

Dr. Sears always says something like "do what works, until it doesn't anymore". Don't beat yourself up for needing something different.

My daughter is 25 months and nurses AROUND THE CLOCK. There is no way she is going to wean on her own anytime soon, or even switch to once or twice a day. I haven't weened yet, but here's what I've been thinking:

• By this age the fits and frustration about nursing are similar to anything else they want (toys, tv, juice, whatever). It just feels more complicated because nursing was so integral to the relationship and attachment, etc. You can say no and let her have her fit. When she's done, move on.
• If you want to quit, that's ok, but tell her that's what's happening and then stick to it. Feeling bad about it or ambivalent will definitely make it harder.
• I plan to have a conversation about not nursing anymore and then offering an alternative, like a pacifier or juice. But it could be anything really. Whatever will excite and distract her.
• I think the hard part will be night nursing, because I'll be tired and will want to cave in. So for us I think it will have to be full weaning (day and night) all at once, just to keep the message clear and simple. Nursing is over.

Blessing to you mama, I hope today is a better day.

[namistenicole]

Here's the Dr. Sears quote I was looking for:

"A parenting principle we learned many kids ago is: IF YOU RESENT IT, CHANGE IT!"

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070800.asp

[D_McG]

Sometimes the asking/refusing becomes it's own ritual!  After I weaned my DD she would ask a lot for weeks.  Not upset or anything. Just ask for the routine of it.  Same thing now, months later.  When I leave her in bed at night she goes "Where going mommy?" and I tell her. And she asks again and even a 3rd time.  Sometimes she even says "I told you already!" and laughs.  Kids just like the repetition/rituals I think.

I'd cut back to the once a day (or wean fully if that's what you want) and just change up your response to her.  Probably something you're doing in your response is reinforcing the behavior?

By that age I never nursed for 30 minutes anymore. I don't think I did that past the newborn stage.  That would drive me nutso.  I get touched out very easily though, YMMV.

The most important thing I found when setting boundaries was staying calm and confident.  It helps that my attitude about nursing at that age is that it's a 'nice to have' not a 'must have'.  

GL!