Help! Mom from DD's school wants me to watch her kid...

[BubbleMa]

DD has a friend at school that lives in our neighborhood.  She came over once to play and she was out of control.  Running all over the house, wouldn't sit in a chair to eat a snack, asked for food then refused it after I had made it, just all around rude.  And the icing on the cake...they were playing hide and seek and she went into my closet to hide.  Then ran/jumped across my bed when DD was chasing her.  :o  This is an 8yo child, btw. 

Now, the mother wants her DD to get off the bus and come to our house until she gets off work.  I really don't have a reason to say no, other than I just don't want to be her free babysitter...especially for her out of control child.  But how do you tell someone that without getting slapped?  lol  Help!

[elmh23]

Just say no.  If she asks why, tell her you're just not up for it.  Technically it's true and you don't have to say her kid is a hellion.

[velochic]

I'm assuming that when you say "get slapped" you mean that figuratively.  It doesn't really matter because you just say "No, I'm sorry, but I can't do that."  You don't have to give a reason.  If she asks why, just say, "I'm sorry, I can't."  Repeat as many times as necessary and if she gets snippy, drop the "I'm sorry" and just say "No".  Who cares what she thinks?  You're obviously not cultivating a relationship here.  If you wanted to be friends, you could ask her out to coffee and have a heart-to-heart, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.  Good luck.  Stick to your guns!!

[oaktreemama]

Or say that is your special time with your DD-the time you get to spend one on one time with doing homework, chores, what have you.

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by velochic 

I'm assuming that when you say "get slapped" you mean that figuratively.  It doesn't really matter because you just say "No, I'm sorry, but I can't do that."  You don't have to give a reason.  If she asks why, just say, "I'm sorry, I can't."  Repeat as many times as necessary and if she gets snippy, drop the "I'm sorry" and just say "No".  Who cares what she thinks?  You're obviously not cultivating a relationship here.  If you wanted to be friends, you could ask her out to coffee and have a heart-to-heart, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.  Good luck.  Stick to your guns!!

Yes, I meant that figuratively!  I don't really think she'd slap me.  I've never even met the mother.  I've been around the DD a few other times when I've gone to the school for lunch.  She seems sweet, but just doesn't have any boundaries.  I guess I'm more worried about the mom than the DD.  I feel like if I say yes to watching her after school, pretty soon she'd be spending the night.  kwim?  I just don't want to be taken advantage of.

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 

 I really don't have a reason to say no, other than I just don't want to be her free babysitter...especially for her out of control child. 

That IS a good reason. Just say no. It doesn't sound like any good can come of that.
 

[McGucks]

Don't do it don't do it don't do it.  This is my first year as a SAHM and I have had to be pretty firm with my "no"s to other moms, neighbors, etc. who work outside the home as far as my watching their kids.  SAHMs are also always WAHMs!  I think it is very okay to say "I really appreciate your offering, but I won't be able to help you out."  It may be that she is out of options because her child has had trouble in other settings.  I think it is good to help others, but the sanctity of your home and family have to be a priority.

[KLM99]

Wow, the gall of that woman to ask you to do that!!  That's unbelievable.  She's asking for free daycare.  And I can guarantee you it won't just be 15 minutes or so every day.  It will get longer and longer and she will call you to say she's stuck at work and can you please keep the girl for longer, etc.  I wouldn't worry at all about offending her or how she might react - this is not a reasonable request.

[annethcz]

This is what afterschool care is for.  Just say no.  Simple as that.  You really don't need an excuse.  Say it won't work for you and move on.

[dancingmama]

Did you find a way to say it?

I would say (cuz it's true for us) that dd really needs down time, quiet time, for a while after school.  It helps her settle.  Too much activity and friend time does not work for us.  Something like that :)

[BubbleMa]

I said her DD is free to come over to play once a week for a few hours, but that's all I can do.  I haven't heard from them since.  I feel a little mean, but I know I need to get over it!  I can't do everything for everyone all the time. 

[KenzieBee]

Originally Posted by KLM99 

Wow, the gall of that woman to ask you to do that!!  That's unbelievable.  She's asking for free daycare.  And I can guarantee you it won't just be 15 minutes or so every day.  It will get longer and longer and she will call you to say she's stuck at work and can you please keep the girl for longer, etc.  I wouldn't worry at all about offending her or how she might react - this is not a reasonable request.

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 


I've never even met the mother.  I've been around the DD a few other times when I've gone to the school for lunch.  She seems sweet, but just doesn't have any boundaries.  

The fact that a woman you've never met asked this shows me that she is the one without boundaries!
 

[major_mama11]

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 

I said her DD is free to come over to play once a week for a few hours, but that's all I can do.  I haven't heard from them since.  I feel a little mean, but I know I need to get over it!  I can't do everything for everyone all the time. 

Good for you for being firm with your boundaries... this type of person will walk all over you if you allow it. My mom was a sahm who had situations like this 3 or 4 times with moms who barely knew her stepping all over her, assuming that their child was no extra work (or just not caring). Only my mom didn't say no at the outset, so the situations would drag on and on as mom got more and more resentful.

Don't feel mean! Her child is HER responsibility, not yours!

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by staceychev 

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 


I've never even met the mother.  I've been around the DD a few other times when I've gone to the school for lunch.  She seems sweet, but just doesn't have any boundaries.  

The fact that a woman you've never met asked this shows me that she is the one without boundaries!
 

Yes, exactly.  Which is why I didn't want to do it.  I knew it would spiral out of control quickly. 

Originally Posted by major_mama11 

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 

I said her DD is free to come over to play once a week for a few hours, but that's all I can do.  I haven't heard from them since.  I feel a little mean, but I know I need to get over it!  I can't do everything for everyone all the time. 

Good for you for being firm with your boundaries... this type of person will walk all over you if you allow it. My mom was a sahm who had situations like this 3 or 4 times with moms who barely knew her stepping all over her, assuming that their child was no extra work (or just not caring). Only my mom didn't say no at the outset, so the situations would drag on and on as mom got more and more resentful.

Don't feel mean! Her child is HER responsibility, not yours!

I've heard horror stories, so I'm glad I nipped it in the bud now.  I'm so used to saying yes to everyone, trying to make everyone happy...this saying no thing is new to me.  I'm already glad I did though.  I don't need that stress and anxiety in my life (and I KNOW it would be, it was stressful to have her here for 3 hours that one day).

[KLM99]

Yay!  Be proud of yourself for recognizing your own needs and asserting them.  Unfortunately, I'm afraid she'll find another SAHM who isn't so confident.  As a full-time WAHM, I had NO idea this was such a huge issue!  Unbelievable.