Wanting But Waiting Tribe - 2011 - Page 9

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

I'm waiting too due to school. I want to conceive while in school (online, part time) and have the baby right after finishing. My DH is pushing to have the baby sooner. I am going to have to drag my feet because I know myself -- I CANNOT do school with a toddler and a newborn. I don't want to. I will get depressed. He thinks a 3 year spacing is great and that a 3 year 5 month spacing is WAY TOO BIG. I agree that the 3 year spacing is ideal, but I really want to finish this program without a newborn!!! So next best thing seems to be 3 years 5 months. Mamas? What do you all think?

---

That is funny that your DH is so particular about the age gap.  In all honesty, hardly any of us can actually control that.  My Ds is already 4, and we won't be trying until this Fall, so that same as you, I will be having baby AFTER I graduate, which means Ds is going to be at least 5 (depending on how long this TTC thing actually takes). It's not IDEAL, but we have to work with what we have.  Not only that, but just because we are TTC, does not mean it's going to happen right away!!  Tell your DH to relax and let him know it will all work out fine and as it's suppose to!
 

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by Gator-mom 

So in the spirit of biding time until the time comes that I can "try", I am trying to come up with a plan to get my body in super health by the end of the summer.  I want to do a cleanse and was wondering if anyone else is planning on doing a pre-pregnancy cleanse and if you guys have any recommendations?

I would love to do a cleanse, but I'm still nursing.  What type of cleanse will you do? 

Originally Posted by molliecat 

I had a friend send me the link to this forum, huge thanks to her.

I have crazy baby fever, have had it for  few months now...fiance wants to wait at least three more years, but meanwhile tons of friends and family members are pregnant/planning on getting pregnant and it makes me want to cry everytime I have to discuss someone else's pregnancy, knowing I have to wait.

Welcome!  I put you under "A Little Bit Longer". 

Originally Posted by janinemh 

Can I join?  I lurk on this thread every now and then.  I was hoping we would be ready to TTC around May or June  but just found out I have a few amalgams that are in bad shape and need to be replaced. I want to do some detox after that before TTC and I"m not sure how long I will need to wait after that.  DS is almost 5.  I totally thought we would have another by now but with some health issues that need to be addressed and then school and now I'm starting my own business..it just keeps getting put off.  Hopefully, after the teeth, we will really do it.

Welcome!  I put you under "A Little Bit Longer". 

Congrats on starting your own business.  If you feel comfortable sharing, what will you be doing?

[lactatinggirl]

Originally Posted by Gator-mom 

So in the spirit of biding time until the time comes that I can "try", I am trying to come up with a plan to get my body in super health by the end of the summer.  I want to do a cleanse and was wondering if anyone else is planning on doing a pre-pregnancy cleanse and if you guys have any recommendations?

I'm not doing a "cleanse" per se, but I am trying to get my body into really good shape. I want to be entirely ready physically so I can keep up working out and eating great during my pregnancy. 

Originally Posted by molliecat 

I had a friend send me the link to this forum, huge thanks to her.

I have crazy baby fever, have had it for  few months now...fiance wants to wait at least three more years, but meanwhile tons of friends and family members are pregnant/planning on getting pregnant and it makes me want to cry everytime I have to discuss someone else's pregnancy, knowing I have to wait.

Welcome Jen! I hope this thread helps you. The MDC forums are great in general!

[sosurreal09]

Yeah Jen if you want to learn how to be the best mom you sure came to the right place! If I never found MDC I would probably have been a ferberizer! My mom passed when I was a kid and I have no guidance either way so I am grateful to have found MDC and be introduced to AP.  The more I research the more I feel proud and justified in my parenting decisions. Also the way my DD behaves, acts, and her self assurance just floors people. I know I did what is best for her and I am so thankful to have learned all this before she was born! I was so lost and confused on who to be as a mother. All I knew is that I wanted to BF...then I was so enlightened by everything here.

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by lactatinggirl 

I'm not doing a "cleanse" per se, but I am trying to get my body into really good shape. I want to be entirely ready physically so I can keep up working out and eating great during my pregnancy....

Yeah, I understand that!    I know it's not true for every woman, but I feel that working out helped me have a great pregnancy and birth the last time around.  I've been slacking; it's an area I really need to work on before getting pregnant.

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

Yeah, I understand that!    I know it's not true for every woman, but I feel that working out helped me have a great pregnancy and birth the last time around.  I've been slacking; it's an area I really need to work on before getting pregnant.

I've decided that after I visit my dad in SanDiego this June (which usually involves heavy eating and drinking so pointless to do before) I'm going to wean myself off of caffeine, alcohol and do an 8 week sugar detox.  I'm attempting to get DH to do it with me, which he says he'll do now, but I just have a funny feeling he might fall off the wagon at the sugar detox..lol. I don't drink much anyway, so that part should be easy, but the coffee and the sugar are probably going to be the biggest struggle for me!

In the mean time, I am already doing really well with my diet..been eating a lot of raw veggies and fruits and good lean proteins like nuts and beans, but still need to get on an exercise program.  I need to figure out what I can commit to time and effort wise.  What kind of exercise are you guys doing?
 

[JMJ]

I've been doing a "light" detox with severely limiting sugar, eating nutrient-rich foods, cultured foods, epsom salt baths, etc, basically giving my body what it needs to detox naturally.  I got really sick a week and a half ago and lost 5% of my body weight, though I gained half of it back already.  That has definitely delayed ovulation for this month, and I'm afraid that it might have put me back into amenorrhea.  I still haven't had a viable cycle yet since DD was born, so I'm wondering if losing that bit of weight is really going to set me back.  So much for TTC as soon as DD is 2.  That will happen next week.

I'm just trying to be at peace, to let my body do what it needs to do and return to full fertility when it is ready.  It's hard not to be a control freak.  I'm still young, and I have my whole life ahead of me to have more children.  All in God's time, not mine.  It's funny.  In our culture, we're so concerned about "planning" a family, having children when we want them and not having them when we don't want them, but there is so much out of our control.  There are so many people who enter parenthood with an unplanned pregnancy and so many people who get everything ready to TTC and then can't.  I just keep telling myself that God has a plan... even if I don't know it yet.  <deep breath>

[zenmumajen]

Hi everyone! I am now just finding this tribe as I joined Mothering after I had my son and felt like browsing The Pregnancy and Birth forums!

I have baby fever!...it is hard for me to resist not having another! What is holding us back is the fact that we are not settled. I would like to see us completely financially independent with a home. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment and while I am sure we could make room for another, it would be cramped. I feel so guilty about wanting another and not even being independent yet....

I just got my 4 year degree but am really struggling with the fact of leaving my son and getting a job. It makes my heart sink thinking about it... Meanwhile I am distance training to be a doula and am working on a website so hopefully this summer I can start attending births! Maybe that will help rid my fever a bit...

I have it set in my mind to want to start trying by spring/summer 2012 but I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment if it ends up not being the right time...

I am also still breastfeeding and my cycle has not returned so clearly my body is not ready to grow another which I am completely fine with. I was scared of getting pregnant up until these last few months so I was taking the pill but my cycle has not returned still and I would rather not take it. Do any of you who want to prevent a pregnancy wait to start taking the pill until after your cycle has returned?

Edited by zenmumajen - 3/20/11 at 3:10pm

[Gator-mom]

JMJ:  I love your philosophy :).  I am really trying to be at peace as well and also struggle at the control part.  However, as part of our 'get ready to TTC again', DH and I have actually started meditating together again every day.  We've been doing this for the past 2 weeks successfully and it is so great!  It is both helping me chill about about all of my stresses, including TTC but also with school and parenting, being a wife, ect.  I really anticipate that it will make my next session of TTC a lot more gentle and enjoyable.  It is funny how our culture acts around babies.  I am actually taking OB in my nursing program right now, and the statistics are that 51% of all births are unplanned.  Which really blows my mind!  When I first heard that, it made my heart sink thinking about how I have be be in the 49% chance, but I am feeling a lot more positive now, in that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything for me in particular, and like you said, baby will come when it is time. 

Zenmumajen:  I just helped a new mamma deliver a baby last week in my OB clinical, and it did NOT cure my baby fever.  It actually made me feel more antsy for my next, and made me daydream more about how I want my next birthing experience to be.  It was amazing to help that mamma and encourage her through her 'wall', but really, I just ended up thinking about my own experience and my next :).  Also, was just going to tell you about BCP's that you actually can ovulate even when you are not getting a menses.  That is how a lot of new mom's get pregnant again, thinking that they are anovulatory since they are not getting a period.  If you don't want to take BCP's maybe you could temp and see if you can see any trends?

[zenmumajen]

Gator-mom: Thanks for the info . I think I will just stick to taking the pill for now. Also, I think it is great that you and your husband are meditating together! It sounds like a great way to bond and focusing on TTC! 

[JMJ]

To clarify, you can ovulate once before you have your period.  It is a common misconception that you can ovulate several times before you have a period.  Every ovulation is followed by a period, and about 6% of women not preventing pregnancy in any other way get pregnant with a viable pregnancy before their first postpartum bleed.  Many women do not ovulate before their first postpartum bleed, and many women have an inadequate luteal phase when they first begin to ovulate and menstruate, thus preventing a viable pregnancy.  You may look at your situation and decide that a 6% chance is worth it in order to not be exposing yourself and your child to the hormones of the birth control pill, or you may choose to learn a little more about fertility awareness in order to decrease your 6% chance further.

Personally, I had almost no fertility signs until my daughter was almost 18 months old, at which point I decided that I did not need a lower probability of getting pregnant before my first cycle.  I had some non-ovulatory spotting, so I was not technically still in amenorrhea.  Fertility signs were clear, so I absolutely knew that I was fertile before my first postpartum ovulation when DD was almost 20 months old, and we did try to get pregnant but had an inadequate luteal phase, so even with trying, I was firmly in that 94% of women who do not get pregnant before their first PP period.

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by JMJ 

To clarify, you can ovulate once before you have your period.  It is a common misconception that you can ovulate several times before you have a period.  Every ovulation is followed by a period, and about 6% of women not preventing pregnancy in any other way get pregnant with a viable pregnancy before their first postpartum bleed.  Many women do not ovulate before their first postpartum bleed, and many women have an inadequate luteal phase when they first begin to ovulate and menstruate, thus preventing a viable pregnancy.  You may look at your situation and decide that a 6% chance is worth it in order to not be exposing yourself and your child to the hormones of the birth control pill, or you may choose to learn a little more about fertility awareness in order to decrease your 6% chance further.

Personally, I had almost no fertility signs until my daughter was almost 18 months old, at which point I decided that I did not need a lower probability of getting pregnant before my first cycle.  I had some non-ovulatory spotting, so I was not technically still in amenorrhea.  Fertility signs were clear, so I absolutely knew that I was fertile before my first postpartum ovulation when DD was almost 20 months old, and we did try to get pregnant but had an inadequate luteal phase, so even with trying, I was firmly in that 94% of women who do not get pregnant before their first PP period.

Thanks for the clarification.  I was actually not aware that it was just once, but it definitely makes sense!
 

[zenmumajen]

JMJ- I did read something like that on kellymom.com I believe. I didn't get my prescription this month because I don't like the idea of taking hormones or exposing them to my son. DF wants me to get back on it next month but I will do some more researching and in the mean time use alternate forms of contraception. 

[lactatinggirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 

JMJ- I did read something like that on kellymom.com I believe. I didn't get my prescription this month because I don't like the idea of taking hormones or exposing them to my son. DF wants me to get back on it next month but I will do some more researching and in the mean time use alternate forms of contraception. 

Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. 

[youngspiritmom]

Originally Posted by Gator-mom 

 as part of our 'get ready to TTC again', DH and I have actually started meditating together again every day.  We've been doing this for the past 2 weeks successfully and it is so great!  It is both helping me chill about about all of my stresses, including TTC but also with school and parenting, being a wife, ect.  I really anticipate that it will make my next session of TTC a lot more gentle and enjoyable.

Gator-mom, mind sharing how you meditate with your DH? I would love to try this. Do sit across from each other? Focus on specific issues together? How does it work? Thanks.

[Gator-mom]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

Gator-mom, mind sharing how you meditate with your DH? I would love to try this. Do sit across from each other? Focus on specific issues together? How does it work? Thanks.

Well we actually both practice a meditation called Ascension, which is very similar to transcedental meditation.  It's very casual, in that we don't have to sit in any particular place..just be comfortable.  So we basically take opportunity when Ds is having 'quiet time' in his room or after he is in bed and we just do it in the same room together.  Even though it's really a more individual experience, it helps for us to do it together..somehow heightens the energy.  Plus it helps us both stay motivated to keep doing it.  I've been doing this meditation for 7 years, but I have been notorious for starting and stopping and not using it consistently, which is the best way to make it have a big impact on my life.  We both want to be more mindful and bring more joy into our home, so it is just really is a great way for us to remember to do that.  Sometimes we talk about our experience, and sometimes we just go onto whatever..but really it's just about us both taking the time to have that quiet space and remember to be gentle and loving with ourselves and to each other.

[bodhicitta3]

That is an interesting statistic.  I was in the 6% that got pregnant before the 1st post partum period (with DD)  My son was 17 months old at the time.

 

[jesshrehor]

I just came across this thread and thought I'd introduce myself.  My husband and I are going to be trying for our first in August or September so that the baby comes in May or June.  I teach violin and play for a symphony, so my work year lines up pretty closely with the school year.  Taking time off in the summer is a lot easier for me than any other time of year, which is a large part of the reason for waiting right now.  That, plus we're really close to getting in a much better place financially.  If a couple things come together in the next month or so we should be able to save up enough money to pay for the birth and everything by the end of this summer.  That way it'll be a nice nest egg just sitting in a savings account and there'll be no worries once we do get pregnant.  I'm also researching midwives and homebirth options right now so that I know what I want when the time comes.  Since my insurance company will only cover CNMs with the delivery in the hospital, we'll probably end up paying out of pocket so that I get the birth I want.  My husband is extremely supportive of all of this, and is only frustrated by the recent revelation of the insurance company's stance on midwives and out-of-hospital births.  Anyway, that's my story.  Nice to meet you all!

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by Gator-mom 

I've decided that after I visit my dad in SanDiego this June (which usually involves heavy eating and drinking so pointless to do before) I'm going to wean myself off of caffeine, alcohol and do an 8 week sugar detox.  I'm attempting to get DH to do it with me, which he says he'll do now, but I just have a funny feeling he might fall off the wagon at the sugar detox..lol. I don't drink much anyway, so that part should be easy, but the coffee and the sugar are probably going to be the biggest struggle for me!

In the mean time, I am already doing really well with my diet..been eating a lot of raw veggies and fruits and good lean proteins like nuts and beans, but still need to get on an exercise program.  I need to figure out what I can commit to time and effort wise.  What kind of exercise are you guys doing?
 

I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred for a while and liked it (it's quick and effective), but then it was suggested I return to something lighter, so I'm doing pilates.  I'm eating very well, but regularity with exercise is my issue. 

Originally Posted by JMJ 

...I'm just trying to be at peace, to let my body do what it needs to do and return to full fertility when it is ready.  It's hard not to be a control freak.  I'm still young, and I have my whole life ahead of me to have more children.  All in God's time, not mine.  It's funny.  In our culture, we're so concerned about "planning" a family, having children when we want them and not having them when we don't want them, but there is so much out of our control.  There are so many people who enter parenthood with an unplanned pregnancy and so many people who get everything ready to TTC and then can't.  I just keep telling myself that God has a plan... even if I don't know it yet.  <deep breath>

Indeed.

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 

Hi everyone! I am now just finding this tribe as I joined Mothering after I had my son and felt like browsing The Pregnancy and Birth forums!

I have baby fever!...it is hard for me to resist not having another! What is holding us back is the fact that we are not settled. I would like to see us completely financially independent with a home. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment and while I am sure we could make room for another, it would be cramped. I feel so guilty about wanting another and not even being independent yet....

I just got my 4 year degree but am really struggling with the fact of leaving my son and getting a job. It makes my heart sink thinking about it... Meanwhile I am distance training to be a doula and am working on a website so hopefully this summer I can start attending births! Maybe that will help rid my fever a bit...

I have it set in my mind to want to start trying by spring/summer 2012 but I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment if it ends up not being the right time...

I am also still breastfeeding and my cycle has not returned so clearly my body is not ready to grow another which I am completely fine with. I was scared of getting pregnant up until these last few months so I was taking the pill but my cycle has not returned still and I would rather not take it. Do any of you who want to prevent a pregnancy wait to start taking the pill until after your cycle has returned?

Welcome!  I've added you to the list.    Congrats on your schooling!  That's so exciting.

I don't take the pill, but I chart.  I charted for almost a year prior to getting pregnant the first time (FAM/Fertility Awareness Method worked for us!) and I'm charting again.  I read about FAM in Taking Charge Of Your Fertility.  It's actually a great book for understanding your cycle and body.
 

Originally Posted by jesshrehor 

I just came across this thread and thought I'd introduce myself.  My husband and I are going to be trying for our first in August or September so that the baby comes in May or June.  I teach violin and play for a symphony, so my work year lines up pretty closely with the school year.  Taking time off in the summer is a lot easier for me than any other time of year, which is a large part of the reason for waiting right now.  That, plus we're really close to getting in a much better place financially.  If a couple things come together in the next month or so we should be able to save up enough money to pay for the birth and everything by the end of this summer.  That way it'll be a nice nest egg just sitting in a savings account and there'll be no worries once we do get pregnant.  I'm also researching midwives and homebirth options right now so that I know what I want when the time comes.  Since my insurance company will only cover CNMs with the delivery in the hospital, we'll probably end up paying out of pocket so that I get the birth I want.  My husband is extremely supportive of all of this, and is only frustrated by the recent revelation of the insurance company's stance on midwives and out-of-hospital births.  Anyway, that's my story.  Nice to meet you all!

Welcome!  I've added you to the list. 

I think it's great your spouse is on board with your desires for birthing.  We made some compromises and though I don't regret it, it would have been wonderful to have everything my way. 

Edited by Mulvah - 3/29/11 at 9:48am

[JMJ]

And to be fair, it's not really uncommon to be in that 6%.  That's more than 1 in 20 women, enough that most of us who hang out in breastfeeding circles know somebody who it happened to.  Interestingly, the one woman I know IRL who got pregnant before her first period was on the minipill.