In one of the discussions I've had with the MW about this, she mentioned that she's fine with being hands off & even out of the room except for FHT checks. But she also said that sometimes Mamas request that, and end up wanting her & asst right there in the bathroom with her the entire time, whereas others are the opposite (think in advance they will want hands-on constant support & end up wanting solitude.) So she seems respectful of both the desire for solitude AND the fact that things can change in labor.
TBH, I'm probably worrying needlessly. I just have this fear that the presence of "medical experts" and the possibility that they'll give me "feedback" on things like position changes or vocalizations will be a major MAJOR disruption for me (i.e. get me thinking I'm not "DOING IT RIGHT" and get me all in my head.)
I think what I need to do is build an image of laboring with their support - a positive image of that too - rather than fearing that scenario as detrimental. Intellectually I realize I may react differently & want hand-holding, so I should be open to that being positive too. So I'm not sure why I have this fear that their presence could potentially be so negative. (LOL, OK, maybe I DO have a fear about which to create an art project as recommended by the book Birthing From Within.)
Originally Posted by Jenne
What type of preparation are you doing?
Haha, um, yeah.. about that...
Well, DH & I took Bradley for #1, but back then I was so focused on learning FACTS about birth - I was still paranoid about birthing in a hospital. I also focused on keeping up my exercise -- both regular fitness stuff - teaching aerobics & weight lifting, plus PG-specific "tilts & tucks" (yoga cat/cow) and kegels. That was "preparation" in my mind so I didn't do much else in the way of relaxation exercises. I'm trying to read some more now & try other relaxation exercises, but hypnosis has zero appeal for me.
TBH, I don't have much fear of pain, so "white-knuckle it" - use my big rented birth tub, and stay mobile are my "methods" for coping & they served me well with DS' birth.
Originally Posted by MidwifeErika
I would just want to discuss ahead of time what it meant for the mother.... like does she still want heart tones done, but done quietly and with a headset to not disturb her? Does she want me to take photos or not? Does she want me to sit in another room or be in the room, but invisible? How long would she like that silence to last.... until after the placenta? Or the entire time I was there? Just take the time to consider what it is that you really want and then discuss it with your birth team so that you know you are all on the same page.
Oh excellent points! Yeah, I don't expect it to last until after the placenta. Once baby is out, I want a "WOO HOO!" celebratory atmosphere. Definitely no more time for quiet. :D I'd also be really appreciative if the MW or her asst could take photos, but I realize they have other duties as first priority, so I'd view that as a nice bonus.
I do want FHT checks, but I'm picturing her coming in, listening, giving me a thumbs up if everything is fine and walking out of the room again. I'm going to tell her not to even ask my permission to come check - she'll have permission in advance unless I wave her away to give me a moment.
Originally Posted by redpajama
You're hiring her because you think her presence is valuable, so why intentionally do something that jeopardizes her being at your birth? Better to communicate your wishes clearly and trust her to honor them.
Oh, ITA. Yes, I have no intentions of waiting until the last minute to call. Besides, she's a 45 min drive away, so I can't push it too far - and my 1st birth was less than 5 hours for 1st stage from the first, "Oh, hm, that was FINALLY a contraction," to urge-to-push, so this one could certainly be only like 2 hours total! I have to and will call her when anything is happening & keep her up to date. (She's already suggested I call her right away since it could be so fast.)