I'd really like my husband to have a vasectomy, but he has a surgery phobia and flat refuses. I've mostly resigned myself to the fact that this won't be our last baby, even though I'm 37 and he's 43. At some point I'll probably end up taking another one for the team and having my tubes tied. I'm a little resentful that after all these years of pregnancy and nursing and hormonal BC that I'll have to put my own body on the line again, but I don't know what else I can do (besides keep having babies).
I don't blame you for being resentful and I think you would be fully justified in pushing this issue. I am terrified of surgery so I understand where he is coming from, but ask him, is he so afraid of surgery that would put YOU through a more dangerous surgery so he can avoid on that is simpler with a shorter healing time? That is just not right. Not after all growing and bearing those babies. He owes you this.
I am very afraid of surgery and there are things they can do to make it easier mentally (Boy I hope this pregnancy doesn't end in C section!!). I was mortified when I found I had to have my wisdom teeth out, I just burst into tears and was so terrified. They gave me Valium to take the morning of the surgery, because I was sure I couldn't make myself go in. It made so much difference, once that Valium hit I didn't have a care in the world. I even was able to watch them insert the IV line, and usually I have to hide my eyes and whimper when getting poked with a needle.