I hate bedtime and am considering letting the monster scream! HELP!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, my ds turns 2 on Monday.  Is this just a sucky age for sleep or what?  He talks from the moment he wakes up in the morning, to the moment he FINALLY just COLLAPSES with exhaustion after a LONG bedtime routine FULL of sleep fighting tactics.  It's driving me insane.

He's getting enough exercise, he's eating well, drinking well, is healthy.  What on EARTH is making sleep SO HARD at night?  He's tired when I start bedtime, thats not the problem.  Truly, I promise all of you that he's tired.  Not overtired, but tired.

WHY can't he just fall asleep?  It takes forever.  Me sitting with him, laying with him, on my computer while he chatters away for an hour and  half, doesn't matter what I do, it just takes FOREVER for him to go to sleep.  It's driving me INSANE.

Please, advice!!!!!  How long does the terrible sleep last?  Is it really going to take until he's like 4 or 5 to go to sleep in a reasonable amount of time?  I can't wait that long.  There is no one to take over bedtimes either, I'm a single mom, and its just us.

[Cutie Patootie]

My ds turned 2 yesterday and just a week ago I could have written your post.  Misery!  No rhyme or reason.  Ugh!  Now for the past week he has been nursing and falling right to sleep again. (((head scratch)))  Not sure why, but oh so happy.  Though every night I dread bedtime because I am scared he will go back to the 1.5-2 hours of madness again.  We talked about cutting down on his nap, but when he did miss a nap, it was the same darn thing.  Make sure he is getting enough sleep during the day and isn't going to bed to late.  Missing the bedtime "window" for us is a big no no for ds.  He takes a nap at 12pm until 2pm and then lights out at 7:30pm.  Sometimes 8pm is okay, but if we go to far, he gets a second wind...gets overtired and takes FORever to go to sleep.  Anyway, this too shall pass. :Hug  Right there with ya.

[Graceie]

I just wanted to say hang in there and I totaly feel you on wanting to let your child  scream totally understandable

[Americanmom]

Some of my friends have had great success with letting the child scream themselves to sleep.  I personally couldn't stand it.

[D_McG]

What's your day like?  Waking, nap, bedtime.  At that age my daughter needed 13-15 hours of sleep, total but my son only needed 12-13.  If he napped, he was up until 10pm so I had to cut his nap.  

For both of them, bedtime is for sleeping.  I'll lie with them if they are calm and trying to sleep.  Anything else and I'm out of there.  For my DD this meant that she now falls asleep alone.  For my son he just learned to settle down.  

[lightinmyhands]

Both of my girls are sleep fighters, one is almost 7 and the other is a year and a half.  With the eldest, I was in your boat at about the same age, it's been about six months or so now since she's been willing and able to parent herself to sleep for the most part--- i still have to "check" on her several times at her insistence and lay with her a number of times as well, and sometimes she will still hold onto me and not let me leave, but for the most part it's much better now.  The younger one takes an hour or more from the moment she's tired till she actually falls asleep, this is after crazy amounts of insane nursing (switching rapidly between breasts while tugging and pulling and pinching the other nipple), there is also much yelling and thrashing as she really seems resistant to sleep.  I remember being really little and thinking when I fell asleep is when the grown ups had all the fun time.  Maybe there was a carousel or clowns blowing little balloon animals or something, but I was sure if I fell asleep all the fun would start.  Maybe they just think they're missing out on something?..... life is one big adventure and they want to soak it up!  There is one thing I've learned parenting these last 7 years, and that is as soon as I think I really can't take any more of a certain behavior or recurring situation, that particular thing will begin to disappear and be replaced by something equally as annoying but at least different.  Kids go through many, many phases.  Whatever they are doing right now, they will eventually grow out of.  For me, it helps to keep reminding myself that when they're teenagers, I'm really gonna miss helping them fall asleep at night (or whatever other thing it is that seems to be bothering me in the moment).  I was a single mom for 4 years and it was a really hard thing to do alone, especially the bedtime thing.  I just wanted a little time that was mine at the end of the day and she seemed so insistent on that not happening.  Might you have any friends that could help provide some respite?  family?  Does DS have his own bed in his own bedroom or do you have a family bed?  my DD and I shared a bed until she was two and it wasn't until we decided to move her bed into our bedroom that bedtime started to really get easier with her.  And with the little wild one, sometimes I just have to take my iphone to bed and read the news while she thrashes herself to sleep next to me.  Much love to you mamma! hang in there... it does get better---and the wee ones are so very, very worth it all! :)

[Lamashtu]

I wonder if maybe your son is picking up on the tension you're feeling and that keeps him up?

Maybe you could try easing into bedtime.  Maybe a bath, a small snack or nurse, bedtime story, lowering the lights.  That way he would know exactly what to expect and maybe he'll be more open to sleep.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks everyone!  I think what happened that night was so bad b/c he didn't nap early enough in the day.  And it he doesn't get at least 30min of sleep during the day, he is a cranky pants - definitely needs the nap (although once I'm finished with the bar I might try to lose the nap...we'll see what happens).  The other night he went to sleep really easily, and I think its b/c he napped for 20-30min early in the day, and then was outside playing, running around, being crazy which just zapped his energy.  I'm going to have to make sure he gets all that crazy toddler energy out more often!!

[ReginaPhalange]

(nak) had a similar situation.with son #1 who recently turned 3. Here's what worked for us, finally: Phased out nap, yes it made him cranky, but this was *key* to making bedtime easy. Bath, then snack and drink (so no being hungry/thirsty issues), up to bed, story. This was always the point where the hours of crying and screaming started until I decided to let him watch one 20 minute kids show on the iPod. He watches one, laying in bed, in the dark with the headphones on. I use a booklight and take the time to read or study sitting next to him in bed. I think he gets settled and his body goes into rest mode this way. Once it's finished I take the iPod, kiss him goodnight, sit back, close my eyes and completely ignore him. About half the time he goes straight to sleep, other times he tries chattering, poking, asking to get up, occasionally whining and crying. I know he's not hungry or thirsty, etc. because those bases are covered, so I keep my eyes closed. If he wants I will give him a hug or cuddle, but no talking or opening eyes. He sees that I'm not engaging and goes to sleep. It's not ideal, but is still a new routine.

Good luck!

[mommatooth]

Oh I totally get this one!  I too, single, and a zombie monster mom... what worked for me is finally deciding that I didn't have to physically be there when dd (almost 3 when we tried this) actually fell asleep.

We talked about this idea a bunch before we tried it- she was really curious about what I would be doing without her- she seemed to be fine with my carrying on alone as long as I was only washing dishes.  Then I would go through our routine, in the beginning an even extended routine- being REALLY present and then say goodnight sweetie and BE FREE!!!  she cried a bit, came downstairs a few times, I would calmly carry her back up and tuck her back in- the first few nights I thought I would lose it because it EXTENDED the already inane bedtime, but...with patience, she began to understand that she could sleep, and I needed to do other things.  Now, she is never asleep when I leave the room for naps or at bedtime and although she still breaks ranks occasionally, I have managed relative freedom without making her scream (too much :)

[Super~Single~Mama]

Well, I KNOW I'm going to jinx myself by posting this, but here we are, and on night 3 of easy peasy bedtimes.  I was trying toput him down at 7:30 (hoping for asleep by 8), but the last few nights I've been doing teeth brushing at 8, milk in sippy, with a few cuddles from mom, into bed and asleep less than 5 minutes later.  Uhhh....what????  He's been OUT by 8:30 3 nights in a row.  I dont get it.