We have co-slept or had two beds in one room for most of her life. We moved 8 months ago and for a while she slept in her own room with no problems, then suddenly wanted to sleep with us again. She slept in a little "nest" on the floor in our room most nights but lots of times ended up in with us (and my husband usually ended up on the couch). Going to sleep has basically involved tiptoeing around and being silent and generally walking on eggshells just so that she'll be able to get to sleep, even when she slept in our room.
I am 35 weeks pregnant and having a lot of pain issues. We decided that we really needed her to sleep in her own room - the bed being really crowded makes my pain worse, and the baby will be in a co-sleeper or in the bed next to me when she arrives. We started working on it over winter break, but the 5 year old is NOT having it... we have tried sitting with her till she falls asleep, or checking in on her frequently, which usually works but then she's up an hour or two later crying. She wakes up every hour or two through the night and seems really anxious about going to sleep. We have had a few good nights sprinkled in with lots of bad ones. I've lost my temper because she starts screaming when we insist that she get back into her bed (and we live in an apartment building). I am exhausted, my husband is exhausted, she is exhausted and we're all at the end of our ropes. In the past we have often just caved in and gone back to letting her sleep with us, but it's just not going to work anymore.
I've tried suggesting relaxation techniques. I've put "nighttime music" in her room. We've read with her before bed. We've said that she could read a book as long as she stayed in bed. She's got special stuffed animals in bed with her. I've tried (unfortunately) yelling. I've set up a sticker chart with the incentive of getting a new toy when she gets a bunch of stickers. We've had lots of rational discussions about it during the day but at night she just freaks out.
She can't say anything in particular that she's scared of, and she basically just says "I don't know how" to go to sleep or "I don't know what to do." Suggestions, encouragement, help please!!