How close do you get to people who work for you?

[mommahhh]

If you are a supervisor/boss, do you avoid becoming friends with the people who work under you?  I'm finding this issue hard.  I work in a very isolated field.  I don't have many peers at work....I am a manager so most of these people work for me.  I really like a lot of them, and some I have developed friendships with some of them.  I don't play favorites or anything like that.  But I go over to their houses, we take our kids to the park.  I comment on their facebook pictures, we joke around, etc.  Is this crossing the line?  It feels slightly strange since I am the person who could be in the position to reprimand them (or even fire them) if something happened, but at the same time, I really would hate to give up the friendships.

[Sharlla]

I am a manager.  we all work shifts alone though so the only time I even see anyone is at meetings or oncoming shifts.  I dont really get involved with anyone at work, i have plenty of friends and to be honest I love my job and dont need the drama. I dont engage in gossip and I don't share a lot about my personal life.  stuff seems to get back to the office at this job and since many of the employees work in multiple houses gossip spreads like wildfire. 

[~ Wonderful Life ~]

I am a manager and I am not friends with the people who work for me.  In fact, I don't have any "friends" at work.  Not saying this would happen/is happening to you, but I've seen managers allow their personal relationships with people cloud their judgement on business-related matters many times.  

[Peony]

I am trying so hard right now not to become friends with my employees. I run a program at the health dept and there are just 4 of us. We stick together because what we do is specialized, and we don't always work out of the clinic. There are 2 that I would love to be friends with but I am the supervisor, but for my personality, I ned to keep work/friends separate. Being a supervisor and calling people on mistakes is something that does not come easily to me, I had to fire someone in the fall and that was difficult to do and I did not like her. I know if I were to be friends with them that it would make it even more difficult for me.

[shayinme]

I am the Executive Director of a small non-profit so I am the boss of everyone there and nope I am don't have friends at work. When I took over the organization a few years ago, there was a manager close enough in age to me that we were "cool" especially since despite the fact I was his boss, he had been there for years so he knew a lot about the little details. Now though that he is gone and I have hired several folks, I am friendly, I crack jokes but I realize life is just easier if I am not trying to be their friends. I hired someone late last year who was the same age as me and she was new to area so she tried to be friends and frankly it was awkward. One night she called me in tears about her financial situation and I was really uncomfortable and it only got worse because I ended up having to let her go before the holidays.

Unless its a situation where you were peers and you were promoted in that case I can see maintaining friendships, but if you started off as the boss I take the distance route. Even for me its hard because my bosses are the board of directors, one who is my age and another who is always inviting me to things. I normally decline, I don't really want to be buddies with my bosses.

[~Nikki~]

Tricky question.  My situation is a bit different, in that I came into the company at an entry level position, and quickly worked my way up.  I am now above people that were my level or higher when I first started.  Some of them, I was friends with from the beginning.  It just seems to be the nature of things here.  Some people get stale and stay in their lower position forever, while others will come in at a low level and skyrocket into higher positions within a few months or years.  I started here and got lucky with a transitional period that allowed me to move up 6 levels in two years' time.  Not too shabby.

Anyway, to answer your question, I'm not opposed to becoming friends with people that work under me.  I avoid it, for the most part, because my time here has taught me not to trust anybody.  There are so many backstabbing people here.  It can be a very toxic place to work.  You never know who to trust.  So even when I am "friends" with somebody that works under me, it's a very superficial friendship and I avoid sharing much information (personal or professional) with them.  I've seen too many people get burned.  I've been burned myself!  Lesson learned. 

I was in the unfortunate situation of having to let go a person (who sucked at her job) who was a friend of mine.  Thankfully I wasn't the one who actually had to inform her.  I was part of the decision making process, but I don't think she blames me for it.  I hope.  It can be very uncomfortable at times, though.

[greenmulberry]

I am a manager and I am not friends with the people who work for me. This isn't usually too hard though, they are not my peers (I am quite a bit younger than them) and we have different interests.

I do have one employee who seems to think something is wrong because we are not all "buddy buddy" all the time and it can be a real struggle. She openly laments that we don't share personal information in the office. She is very interested in my personal life, and while she is a sweet and kind person, I prefer to have a professional relationship. I am currently trying to find a way to communicate this to her without being too direct because I know she is easily upset by directness.

This has been more of a problem than usual lately because I am pregnant and due this month, and I really don't care to discuss my pregnancy with people right now, mainly because I have no interest in explaining or justifying my "crunchy" philosophy, (or receiving unsolicited advice about it) but she is very interested in the subject, sigh.

[Mosaic]

It really depends on the work environment. In our company's culture, we are always very professional with clients but extremely casual and friendly in-house. People love it here so much they come here right out of school and stay straight through retirement, so we get to know each other, each other's families, etc. more than in most companies.

I am very good friends with the folks that I work with. Recently I was promoted to manage/review a few of my closest friends, which I was worried would be awkward. In general I prefer a bit more distance in my professional relationships; but in a role where I need to help staff balance personal and professional obligations, it helps to have a better understanding of their home life. Plus, I know them so well, it's easier to give criticism in a way that is meaningful and easier to receive. Plus the people that I work with are just really fun, and we have lots in common outside of work! Heck, one of my coworkers was the hypnobabies instructor for most mothers in the office!

I doubt most people have this kind of work environment, but I thought I'd throw it out there as an example of when it's better to let the wall come down sometimes.

[dawningmama]

Moving this over to Working and Student Parents

I've been friends with people who worked under me but only in more casual work environments (I'm mainly talking about my time in retail). I think it would be different in more formal offices and it would depend on how direct the hierarchy was (ie, am I reviewing this person/assigning work or is it just that I'm the next level up and we don't have a ton of direct contact). Either way, I would proceed with caution and try to keep lines of communication really open so we all are on the same page. Even when I was in retail, I can remember saying "You can't tell me that. I know we're friends but I'm also your boss!" on a couple of occasions.

[almadianna]

I go back and forth on this.

I have been a manager for a long time and there are people that I click with. So we are friends and have stayed friends through the years, however we make a clear distinction between work and play. I go to the gym with my assistant sometimes.  I actually have one boss right now and our kids are the same age so we go out and have fun together often. We even went to a pixies concert together!

Here is a pic of us actually when we went to a wine tasting last year. :)

We have both worked for the same company for years are both in high levels of management and trust each other a great deal. Would I do this with just anyone? no, not at all... but we also have nothing to hide and both of us are the type of people that dont get angry when we have disagreements in the office.

I also work in a very laid back Norwegian company where that kind of stuff is more or less fine. The CEO comes down to have drinks with us often in his effort to get his name on a plate at the flying saucer.

At other companies that I worked where I had a different environment I did NOT fraternize with people, but at a geeky IT company I worked at before this it was common place that we would go to places together and have fun.

So sorry for the novel... but it all depends on a) the work environment b) the people who you are going to be friends with and you trusting each other c) making sure that you are comfortable when things go bad either with disagreements at work or with people leaving/getting fired.

I have had to fire friends before and it wasnt fun... but we got over it.

[Catubodua]

I've had this both ways - one where I was promoted up to become a manager over former peers & good friends and that was, quite frankly, awful.  There were respect issues and it became very high school / personal when I had to discipline someone.

I learned from that to NOT be friends with coworkers at future jobs.  So, I am now friendly with everyone, but not friends with anyone in that I don't socialize with them outside of work.  That doesn't mean that you don't get to know people somewhat anyway, but I'm not involved in their lives and thankfully, not involved in any of their problems or dramas.  I find it to be the best way.