Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11
My daughter has told me that his house is dirty.
She had bread for dinner last night. Just bread. I asked her if she ever eats fruit at his house. She said no. I asked if there IS any fruit. She said no. She packed her lunch box with a banana, apple and yogurt to take with her.
When dss was 4 his grandmother asked him why he peed his pants at our house. Not sure how it came up. He told her because I put him in time-out in his room and wouldn't let him out to go to the bathroom. Just so you know, that never happened.
When he was 6 he told me his mom wouldn't let him ride his bike when I asked how he liked his new bike that dad bought him. Also not true.
When children are put on the spot they will say what they think you want to hear or what will make you less angry with them.
So, she said his house is dirty, maybe something, like the bathtub was dirty and she didn't like it. So she says his house is dirty. You were upset that she had only bread for dinner. Did she tell you that or did he? Because if it came from her, he may have offered other food that she didn't like so she only ate the bread. Or maybe you had something at the house she wanted and she figured that she had to tell you something so you would think she was hungry. Or maybe she had a sandwich but only remembered the bread. Or maybe she had a huge lunch and only wanted a snack at dinner time. You see what I'm saying. Maybe she didn't know there was fruit at his house. I mean if it's canned fruit as opposed to fresh she may not have even know where to look for the fruit. See.
All I'm saying is that children tend to see things from a skewed perspective and when put on the spot will fill in the holes with whatever they think sounds right. Asking leading question gets this result almost every time. For instance, she comes home and says she's hungry, you say, "what did you have for dinner?" She says "bread". My next question wouldn't be, "so all you had for dinner was bread?", it would be, "oh what kind of bread was it? Did you like it? Did you put butter on your bread?" etc. Expanding on what she told me to get to what actually happened. If she said something about not having fruit my next question will be, "how do you know daddy didn't have any fruit?"
I happen to agree with the others, you seem to think that being her mother means you can control what happens when she's with her father. The fact is, legally, you can't. Right now you can, but if you push it and he wises up and gets a legal CO in place, you lose that right. I know you care for your dd, but it seems to me that you are allowing your personal feelings for her dad to affect your perception of his parenting. It seems that you are looking for things he is doing wrong.