BFing at 18 mos and beyond

[Penny4Them]

My bubs is 18 mos and happily we are still bfing. He doesn't say many words yet, so when he wants to nurse he clicks his tongue, making a clicking sound--it's the sweetest sound, and he also does the ole shirt tug. I call our nursing time "cuddle yums". I adore nursing him. I am so present with him and try not to rush off to "the next thing that must be done". Bfing has really helped to center me and my life, and is quite meditative.

I nursed my Dds til they were about 10 mos and at the time felt I had done the best for them, caving to societal (and familial) pressures to stop nursing. That was 7 years ago. I'm older and wiser now.

All along I've been saying we'll nurse til he stops or til 2 yo. Now though, it feels odd to put a time limit on this. I don't want to stop until he no longer asks or needs to nurse. Am I being selfish? I'm going to have to re-convince my DH that I'm not overly coddling our son with nursing, but after seeing how well everyone here in our MDC community does with "extended" nursing, I feel inspired to continue to trust that my son will know when it's time to stop.

How does a mom follow a todder's lead with this type of weaning? Should I turn him down when it's not convenient for me, or redirect him when we are at other's homes, or maybe limit nursing to 1 session when we are out?

These days he's nursing about 4-5 times in 24 hours. He's eating regular food quite well (after trusting him and his seeming non-existent appetite for months).

Also--even though all toddlers are different--can't help but be curious how often other 18 mo nurslings nurse?

I'd love to hear thoughts on my ramblings about Bfing a toddler. Thanks for reading.

[ElliesMomma]

nm

Edited by ElliesMomma - 5/28/11 at 11:46pm

[Marissamom]

DD is 19 months, and she nurses first thing in the morning, before and after nap, and at bedtime. sometimes she also nurses once or twice more during the day or wakes up at night. I haven't had to worry about limiting nursing in public because DD never asks anymore, and hasn't for a couple of months. and sometimes she will ask and I will tell her no because I have other things I have to do at that moment. I've always told myself I would nurse until at least 2, but would try to let her wean herself after that if she's ready. 

[crunchy_mommy]

If you don't want to wean him, I would just continue to nurse when he asks, and continue to offer at the times he would normally nurse, although it is OK to set some limits for yourself or ask him to wait 15 minutes while you finish doing something. It's like any relationship -- both sides need to be content with the arrangement -- so if there are certain situations in which you're not happy nursing, then it's OK to find an arrangement that works better for you, whether that means not nursing in public, or only nursing when you can find a comfortable seat, or whatever it is you need.

My 23mo nurses a TON still. I'd say minimum 10 times a day, some days MUCH more. He really doesn't eat much solids -- maybe 30% of his diet is table food, and it took a lot of time/effort to get to that point. So I guess I'm in a slightly different place, because although I'd like to nurse as long as he wants to, I don't feel I really have a choice right now anyway, and so sometimes I get a little burnt out & resentful. Of course DH & I have been working with DS so that this can continue & be a happy thing, but it's hard to be nursing a 2yo more than most people need to nurse their newborns. I think your 4-5 times a day is much more typical of kids this age, at least from what I've heard!! 

And your post is so sweet!! 

[newbiemama09]

DD is 20 mo and still BF'ing 2-3 times a day, 2-3 times at night. i originally also thought i'd quit around 2, but i too am wiser now. i guess i believe in child-led weaning now. i think your LO will let you know when they're ready to be done with mommy's milk. sometimes i do refuse milk to DD if we're out in public or if it's too close to a meal time. but i also know much of it is comfort for her and she just wants to cuddle.

[lactatinggirl]

In regards to how you let a child self-wean, you just go with what's right with you. I know that's kind of a vague answer, but it's really different for every situation. Actually, different for every day. Some days when I'm busy, I ask Peanut to wait to nurse. Sometimes she keeps asking and I give it to her when I'm done with what I'm doing or sometimes she runs off and plays and doesn't ask for another 4 hours. Some days, we lay on the couch and cuddle and she nurses every hour. I go to school part-time and don't pump because she does fine without the milk while I'm gone. I do know that some moms still pump for their older nursling, but for us it's not really needed and I hate pumping, so I don't do it. She often asks for milk as soon as I walk through the door though.

Peanut is 21 months now, but nurses pretty much the same as she did at 18 months. Including night nursing, she probably nurses 6-ish times a day. Sometimes it's more (upwards of 10) and sometimes it's less (never less than 4 I'd say). If I went back to 12 months though, she was probably nursing 10+ times a day regularly. It also goes up if she's sick or teething.

[nickysan]

Hi Penny4them, you could try listening to the radio interviews called "breastfeeding beyond infancy" by Vanessa Lowe, It might be helpful for your DH to listen to too, it talks about the misconception of over coddling with extended bf among many other things. Its got lots of pro comments from male pediatricians which your DH might warm to and is generally very inspiring. good lluck

[Penny4Them]

Thanks so much lovely mamas! Oh and thanks for the radio idea. I found the link on mothering to the featured audio interview, for others reading this thread.

http://www.mothering.com/media