My mom died on Monday

[onlyzombiecat]

I saw my mom on December 26th to celebrate Christmas. I knew she was not feeling great but I did not know she would be dead in about a week and that would be the last time I would speak with her.

My mom had cancer and went in the hospital December 27 because she fell and wasn't able to get up.. The cancer had spread so much that there was nothing they could do. She went to a care facility to die.

I visited January 1 but she was drugged because of the pain and sleeping the whole day. She died without waking up on the morning of January 3. The visitation and funeral are this week.

I went to see her last night with my family. We looked at pictures and talked a bit.

Everything has happened so quickly. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.

[brebg]

I have never commented here before, but read your post and just had to. Please know that you are not alone in your grief. My mom died from cancer when I was 13(in 1993) and then my dad died suddenly of a heart attack in march. I never expected my last visit with him to be my last. It is at times suffocating, almost unbearable sadness, but with time there is some healing. I am so very sorry for your loss, i hope you can find some small comfort in knowing that there are others who have been through the same thing, and make it through. You will be in my prayers.

[ngaburon]

I am soooo sorry for your loss.  I  have lost both of my parents to cancer.  My dad died before I got to get back to see him also.  I would have stayed and been with him, but I did not expect him to die so soon.  Grieving for people we lose is never easy, especially when it is our parents.  The process of grief is long and runs the gamet of emotions and sometimes part of that emotion is that we didnt get to be there or things happened differently than we expected.  There is no way to relieve any of this process, but know that grief in any of its stages comes in waves and you just have to let them come.  When my mom died eight years ago I was sad/crying all the time in the beginning, but with my dad it is more numbness and anger.  I even notice that some of the anger is because they are both gone.  My mom died eight years ago on Jan 10th and my dad died five months ago, but I feel like most of the time my dads death is just not something I can't  process the way I processed my moms.  Sometimes I think I just cant go back into that space of sadness again, so this time my body is doing it slowly.  I will add that we have lost quite a few people in our family and a few more have cancer, so everything is a trigger for something. Having said that, please know that there are bereavement groups(check local hospitals, YMCA's, etc) that can be helpful.  Know that it can take a long time and that people who havent been thru it, dont always understand that grief is a process that is different for everyone .  Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

[nola79]

I am so sorry for you loss. I myself have lost several family members and a friend to cancer, it is such a heartbreaking disease.

[tinuviel_k]

I am so sorry.

[Sol_y_Paz]

Onlyzombiecat, I am sorry for your loss.  

Originally Posted by brebg 

I have never commented here before, but read your post and just had to. Please know that you are not alone in your grief. My mom died from cancer when I was 13(in 1993) and then my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. I never expected my last visit with him to be my last. It is at times suffocating, almost unbearable sadness, but with time there is some healing.

Brebg, this is one of my very worst nightmares.  I am so sorry this happened.   I hate cancer.  
 

Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 10/12/11 at 12:36am

[onlyzombiecat]

Thank you all for your replies.

[brebg]

Oh, I am so sorry. Please know that I will also be praying for you and your siblings(and your parents) For me and my sister, our faith in God gives us tremendous comfort, and i know that my parents parting will only be temporary. I fully believe they are in heaven and I will see them again. But I am still human, and at times feel terrified and devastating grief. My heart aches for you, because I know how scary it can be when your parents are sick.If you ever need to talk, im here!

[brebg]

oops sorry, that last post was intended for sol y paz

[CariOfOz]

I don't normally come into this forum because I get upset too easily... but I saw your post on new posts and had to reply.  You have my deepest sympathy on your loss :(  I lost my momma to cancer in march 2008 and it is such a traumatic and life changing event.  Cancer is such a horrible disease :(    I hope your family and friends rally around you for support.    It's good that you got one last family christmas with her though, right?  That was super important to my mother.. that her family have memories of one last happy holiday with her.  As if we would all forget the 53 OTHER wonderful christmases that were better because of her? :)    It's hard now momma.. but you will be able to look at pictures of her, and talk of memories without so much saddness eventually.  *hugs* to you.

[onlyzombiecat]

CariOfOz- Thank you for your post. I am glad we had one more Christmas together. Family was extremely important to my mom. We all managed to come together for the last Christmas.