Is it so bad to coast in an age when little kids suffer from too much pressure and have too much... - Page 3

[Galatea]

I was never challenged, never got less than 100%, and by the time I was in high school, was bored and miserable and ANGRY.  It is terrible to never learn anything and just sit there, day after day, hour after hour, not allowed to answer more than one question a day b/c the other kids and the teacher would get annoyed... it had a lot of negative effects on my personality and self-image, and it also made it hard for me b/c I never learned how to learn and have self-confidence from trying something I didn't already know how to do.

1st grade is too young to show the effects but I would never wish that on any other human being.  That is why we pulled ds1 out of public school.  Now we love homeschooling - he can go as fast or slow as he wants and there is no pressure or burnout.

[Calliope84]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree 

Speculating on what happened with this child is a little hazardous, since we have so little information about him, his family and his schooling. .FWIW, it sounds to me like he realized that his grades and schooling were hot button issues that were within his control and that he could use to gain some power in his relationships with the adults around him. Sorta like a kid with an eating disorder. 

We don't know why he was assessed in the first place in 4th grade. Unless every student in the district is routinely tested, there must have been some reason that motivated the school and/or his parents to seek it out. That speaks to some school-related or behavioural issues even before he was tested and learned his IQ. 

We also don't know what happened after his giftedness was identified. The test was done for a TAG program, but it sounds like he didn't actually attend. If he didn't enter the TAG program - what kept him out? Did he refuse to attend? Did his parents refuse to send him? Did educators advise against it? Some parents disagree with the concept of special gifted classes. Some educators disagree as well. Without knowledge about the attitude and influence of the adults around this student, it's impossible to know why he gave up when he was just 9 or 10 years old. While it sounds like MovnMama did her best to differentiate and help him, we also don't know if there was any attempt at all at accommodations or differentiation before he reached her class.  

I don't know what happened with this child, but I suspect that he would have struggled even if he never learned his IQ result. The IQ testing is a red herring. At some point, he would have realized how different he was from the other students and he would have attracted attention (some good, some not so good) from them and from his teachers. He also would have figured out that he could use grades and schools for power. It might not have been as dramatic as an overnight change in 4th grade, but it probably would have happened sooner or later. 

No no... NOT like an eating disorder. An eating disorder usually does not manifest in order for a kid to get control over her parents or just to get their attention. It is about control, but it is not like this at all.

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As far as this kid is concerned, he sounds bored to me and like he hasn't been challenged. I also gave up. Why should I work hard for an A when grades are totally an artificial construct and have no meaning to me? Who cares if I write a great paper if the guy who can't write writes a paper I would personally be embarrassed to put my name on and he also gets an A? My standards are usually higher than my teacher's standards and it really destroys my motivation. ( I speak of college, but I stopped even trying around 11th grade.)

[FarmerBeth]

I think the most important thing is that whatever school you choose allows the most flexibility to move at the pace your child needs.  I've been very fortunate to get this in the public school my children go to.  I have a gifted but also special needs oldest child who is getting to advance with his math and sciences at his higher level while receiving reading and social skills help, and a gifted middle who is working at three grades ahead in language arts, but only a grade ahead for math.  Neither child is stressed or bored, and I've had no issues with either problem for the third child either.