If You Lay With Your Child Until They Fall Asleep

[lifeguard]

how do you keep from going crazy?!

Ds is taking sooooooo long to fall asleep since I stopped nursing him to sleep (45 minutes - 2 hours). He's all over the place on the bed but doesn't want us to leave the room either.

So I'm curious what others do who are in a similar place (I know I'm not alone). How do you keep from getting totally aggravated? Do you keep a low light on or stay in the dark? How do you keep from being bored?

[LynnS6]

I got a lot of books read while waiting for my kids to fall asleep. Dh would bring his laptop and work. We didn't lie in bed with them, but rather on the floor next to their beds. So, I kept a low light (usually reading with light from the hall), but you could easily use a booklight too.

I did get aggravated at times. I did the best when my attitude was "this is a good time for me to relax and read a book I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to read".

[AKA_PI]

My son is two and doing the same thing. I've tried reading books and everything else. Nothing seems to work. I just let him toss and turn and he eventually goes to sleep. I think I just need to wear him out more during the early evening so that when bedtime comes, he will pass out.

[mamandedeux]

I just fall asleep and get DH to wake me up when DS1 and DS2 are asleep! I get back up for a few hours with DH then snuggle back to bed. We cosleep.

[XanaduMama]

We have a fairly bright nightlight but mostly the room is dark. We don't talk or interact at all once stories are read and goodnights are said. NPR saved my life, if that's not too stimulating for your LO; otherwise, I recommend listening to podcasts or music on your ipod; reading books; or surfing the web on my phone :)

FTR, our bedtime struggles (it used to take ds sometimes 2 hours to fall asleep!) pretty much ended once we stopped his daytime naps. If you can make it through the late-day rough patches, bedtime is a breeze :)

[ledzepplon]

iPhone.

Or a book with a book light, if that's not too distracting.

[lkmiscnet]

I feel your "pain" and actually have the same issue posted a few titles down...

How is the night lighting in your room?

I removed the night light I used to have in our room a few months ago, and that made a dramatic difference since he couldn't see in the dark to play, though lately, he would still babble and feel his way around in the dark once his eyes got adjusted (alarm clock puts out some ambiant light, but I need it). He is also a heat seeking biter lately, with a couple new teeth coming in and can't wait to sink his teeth into any part of my available skin, so that takes up some of his time.

Also, I just spent the past month nightweaning, and DH would take over co-sleeping duties as soon as DS was done nursing (I would leave the room) and he was able to get DS to sleep in 10-15 min. My jaw would drop watching it on the baby monitor!

Naptime during the day has continued to be a struggle since the room is not dark enough even with room darkening shades. I spent 90 min both yesterday and today in bed with DS and finally gave up on his nap since it got too late in the day. On the upside, he fell asleep in 10 min last night and in about 5 min tonight. But, I still feel that he needs to nap during the day, so the issue remains about how to get him to fall asleep. At least DH is here on the weekends to takeover naps since he has the midas touch. I just have to worry about 5 days of the week.

I might try getting him back in the crib (suggested by other posters)  that has been used as a repository for our clothes so far. I think I'll try taking off the side rail, but now that he's a toddler, I have to have it at the lowest setting, which makes for a big gap with our bed and his crib mattress, so not sure what to do for that.

Best of luck. I know how you feel...

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I got a lot of books read while waiting for my kids to fall asleep. Dh would bring his laptop and work. We didn't lie in bed with them, but rather on the floor next to their beds. So, I kept a low light (usually reading with light from the hall), but you could easily use a booklight too.

I did get aggravated at times. I did the best when my attitude was "this is a good time for me to relax and read a book I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to read".

This.  Or I knit.  Or silently seethed and counted the days until they didn't need me anymore.  And it eventually ended.  DD is 4-1/2, DS is almost 7 and both go to bed on their own, and stay in bed all night (most nights; some nights we wake up with a kid in between us, but we don't even know when they came in so it's no big whoop to us. )
 

[erinleee]

what about a later bedtime?

[EviesMom]

I have a time limit on how long I will lay with them. Then I say I have to go pee, or check with Daddy about something, and will be back up in 5 minutes. Usually this does the trick and DS (3) is asleep by then. Worked with DD as well, when she was that age. Eventually though, DD would look at books by herself or listen to music through little speakers. We moved to "if you want music/books, Mama is going to go downstairs. I will come check on you every xx minutes though. If you want me to sit with you, it has to be dark and quiet." Then I'd leave, she'd be thrilled to get books or music to herself and feel grown up.

She reads with us at bedtime now, and then she's set for 10 hours between the putting herself to bed and the getting up and dressed independently (6 yo). For a bit she'd call me back an hour later to sit with her while she actually fell asleep, but that lasted only a month or so IIRC. When I do sit in the dark, I took the laptop or I knitted. It was hard not to fall asleep myself though.

[D_McG]

If it takes longer than 10-15 minutes then it's not working.  Either I'm distracting them, they're not tired, they're trying to keep themselves awake.  Every scenario has a different solution (for one - dropping the nap, another - getting them to fall asleep alone, another - getting strict about settling down).  But basically I never lay there for a long period of time.  I'd go through the roof with frustration if I had to.  I can't lie there if I'm the one falling asleep.  Not to mind if it's someone else!

[Drummer's Wife]

I read on my iphone (or play angry birds :o)  I just turn the brightness of the screen down real low.  My youngest is almost 4, but he sleeps with us about half the time and loves to fall asleep on my tummy. 

[Everrgreen]

Mostly I'm on the internet with my netbook, that way I can keep the lights off and he'll go to sleep quicker.  Sometimes I read, but I need to keep the bedside light on for that and then he takes longer to fall asleep.  It's just the 2 of us here though so I don't mind hanging out in the bed reading or on the internet, I've got nothing else to do anyway!  If we are visiting family or friends then he just stays up late until he's ready to nurse to sleep (usually after 11pm before he's tired enough).  He would definitely go to sleep quicker if we skipped the nap, but he gets so tired during the day and actually nurses to sleep in minutes for his nap, I just wish bedtime were that easy! 

[lifeguard]

Originally Posted by EviesMom 

I have a time limit on how long I will lay with them. Then I say I have to go pee, or check with Daddy about something, and will be back up in 5 minutes. Usually this does the trick and DS (3) is asleep by then. Worked with DD as well, when she was that age. Eventually though, DD would look at books by herself or listen to music through little speakers. We moved to "if you want music/books, Mama is going to go downstairs. I will come check on you every xx minutes though. If you want me to sit with you, it has to be dark and quiet." Then I'd leave, she'd be thrilled to get books or music to herself and feel grown up.

I've so tried this but the second I try to get off the bed he screams. He screams if I sit beside the bed, go do laundry, go downstairs.

I love the idea of saying I'll stay for so many minutes & if he's not falling asleep than he's not ready but it doesn't seem to matter what time I bring him up it's taking 2+ hours. Last night it was 1:30!!!

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

I've so tried this but the second I try to get off the bed he screams. He screams if I sit beside the bed, go do laundry, go downstairs.

DD would freak out, too but I just knew it was what she needed (to fall asleep alone).  I lay with my son for a good year longer than I did with her. He loved to snuggle and rest.  She's a talker/headstander.  I just told her I was going to read a book to her brother and would be back at the end of it.  I would get halfway through the book and I'd hear her go from yelling to singing.  She was totally fine.  She was just screaming to hear her own voice, or something.

[Halfasianmomma]

I posted about the same thing a while ago, and still haven't found the solution to my problem.

What really worked, when I was working it, was telling DD WAY in advance that there would be some changes to how we went to bed. She really caught onto that, and when I would try to lie next to her, she told me to go sit at the foot of her bed. Then the holidays came, we all got stomach flu, and it all went to crap.

Starting over next week.

I think giving advance warning and discussing it casually before the actual event might help things. You could then work on gradually getting farther and father away from the bed, until you're out of the room. (says the person who hasn't actually managed to do it yet!).

Good luck!

[The4OfUs]

The "I'll be back in 2 minutes" or, 'I'm going to swap out the laundry" didn't work with DS until he was nearly 4.   At that point he was only taking 10 min to fall asleep so it wasn't a big deal, but we wanted to get over that last hump and that's when it finally worked well enough to make it worth doing.  DD was just over 3 when it started working for her.

[lifeguard]

Ok - I'm glad I'm not the only one the "back in 2" thing isn't working for. I've tried leaving him to see if he will settle but he just screams the whole time (not really crying - screaming).

I have tried talking to him through the day about bedtime but I think he is still a little bit too young to be totally getting what I'm planning 'cause come bedtime it's the same.

[EviesMom]

I'm pretty sure DD was 3.5 when I started saying I needed to go pee or whatever (I was pg with DS, so it was often very true!). DS does okay with it generally, but they share a room so he's not alone when I duck out for a minute. And I guess he sees me do it with DD so it's familiar.

[Surfer Rosa]

The "I'll be back in two minutes" doesn't work with my kids either : boooo.

I read on my iPhone-it's pretty much the only time I get to read the news....or I fall asleep and DH comes and gets me. It took a couple of months after I stopped nursing them to sleep that they started falling asleep 10-15 minutes after stories, instead of one or more hours.