pearls of wisdom thread...

[corban's mum]

so what wonderrful pearls of baby-rearing wisdom have y'all heard?

I was given a "birth to five" book by my health visitor, which is meant to give you lots of sound advice and "instructions" basically.

well this book says that you should NEVER give a child under 5 wholegrain/wholemeal foods LMAO

but recommends bread, pasta and rice as good foods for toddlers

but im guessing that's just bleached white flour produce then? :eyesroll.

oh and from family - if i hear the phrase "rod for your own back" ONE more time i may just burst.  it's weird how they want me to leave baby alone/dont pick her up when she is crying, even though she rarely cries so it's not a chore at all i LOVE holding her. and yet they also want me to not hold her when she's happy "leave that baby she's perfectly happy"... so umm when am i meant to hold her? not when she is sad and not when she is happy and CERTAINLY not when she is sleeping cuz co-sleeping is weird and fatal..... hmmm??

i partly think that it's down to both mine and DH's family never having breastfed, so they don't understand demand feeding "stop feeding that baby so much" lol 

oh oh also an old lady in a shop said the classic... "if you want a baby to sleep properly put IT in the cot, shut the door and do go back in until morning"  WHAT the heck.

anyone else got some rants/pearls of wisdom? i thought ppl would leave me alone cuz this is my second, but naa.

[BirthIsAwesome]

"don't nurse that baby to sleep, or it will get used to it and never go to sleep on its own!"

"get the baby to sleep through the night asap so you can rest!"

"I am a firm believer in children sleeping on their own." <said with a serious face as if cosleeping were fatal...>

rofl

[MaybeJ]

These are good!

I don't really have any but when I went to visit my workplace with Naomi, my supervisor asked me if I was giving the baby water as well as breastmilk and if I always went to her when she cried.  I said no to the water and yes to the responding to cries and she didn't say anything but left me with the impression she had more to say on those topics but could tell I wasn't open to hearing about it...

[corban's mum]

what is it with westerners punishing their babies eh?  leave them on their own, ignore their little cries for comfort and assistance, feed them not when theyre hungry but when it suits your timetable for the day.... seriously what did babies ever do to deserve that eh!

my family also said... "you only need to breastfeed for the first week or two, so they get the antibodies but after that you should switch to formula, breastfeeding is not needed nowdays dear, they have pre-made stuff now too you know!"  yeah....my boobs make pre-mixed milk too AMAZING lol.

it's feeling now that they sorta find my breastfeeding a 12 week old a bit "extreme" hahaha goodness knows what they'll say if i bf past a year haha

[Monarchgrrl]

The pamphlet that the pedi handed out said to let the baby cry in her crib..."after about 20 minutes they usually fall asleep"! :(

My supervisor at work said that we should get her out of our bed by 3 months because you'll have to do CIO then and it's too hard to do that with the baby in your room. There SO MUCH wrong with that statement!

The pedi also said something very contradictory and I don't understand it. I exclusively pump for DD and she eats every two hours when she's awake. We have to schedule it because babies can be easily overfed with bottles, as opposed to nursing on demand. I asked about spit up. How much is "too much"? She said if she's spitting up then she's probably being overfed. Then I told her we are SLOWLY trying to transition her to eating every three hours as long as she's happy and content about it. She then said, "Oh you shouldn't schedule her feedings. Let her eat as often as she wants" Um...you just said she's being overfed! Which is it? Free-for-all eating or overeating??

From BIL: You HAVE to give her vaxes, you don't want her getting a cold, do you?" :lol

[Melly24]

Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl 

From BIL: You HAVE to give her vaxes, you don't want her getting a cold, do you?" :lol

Good grief, there is so much wrong with that statement! 

[Pineapple Head]

"Flick the bottom of her feet to wake her if she falls asleep eating." My mom said this a few times to me and even tried to flick her feet while Clover was nursing.

DH's coworker said something about water because some times a baby is just thirsty...um ok?

I keep avoiding mentioning to friends that we haven't vax'd yet....we actually haven't even been to a doc yet. shhhh.

I'm also not going to mention that I plan to bf for as long as Clover wants as some friends think it's weird to go past a year.

People always comment on how happy and content Clover is and how she never cries. I think part of it is her personality but another part of it is that we have never let her because we respond so quickly.

MIL has her mothers baby book from 1929 and it has tips in it the one that stood out the most was this:

Do not play with a child until 6 months of age and then only sparingly as excitement damages.

It made me so sad.

[macy]

if she cries when someone new holds her i keep hearing "she's just exercising her lungs".

we'd rather let her exercise her lungs with her happy noises.

[corban's mum]

Originally Posted by Pineapple Head 

"Flick the bottom of her feet to wake her if she falls asleep eating." My mom said this a few times to me and even tried to flick her feet while Clover was nursing.

DH's coworker said something about water because some times a baby is just thirsty...um ok?

I keep avoiding mentioning to friends that we haven't vax'd yet....we actually haven't even been to a doc yet. shhhh.

I'm also not going to mention that I plan to bf for as long as Clover wants as some friends think it's weird to go past a year.

People always comment on how happy and content Clover is and how she never cries. I think part of it is her personality but another part of it is that we have never let her because we respond so quickly.

MIL has her mothers baby book from 1929 and it has tips in it the one that stood out the most was this:

Do not play with a child until 6 months of age and then only sparingly as excitement damages.

It made me so sad.

DITTO! everybody always says that madison is the "best" baby theyve ever met "she's so happy and seems way brighter than she should be for her age" etc etc and yet they also moan at me for holding her so much and for co-sleeping etc. so...ummm... you say my baby is happy and "good" so i must be doing something right eh? jeez. and i also never let her scream as i too find that responding to her early warning signs (tongue clicking, little grunts) before she gets so irritated by her needs not being met that she feels the need to cry works best for us.  but i think my family take this as "she isnt even crying why are you feeding her she cant be hungry" (again another contradiction- cuz if she WAS crying they'd tell me to leave her...)

i do wonder how any of their babies managed to develop if they were left alone in a cot, not talked to or carried around/shown things. and how did they not starve if you dont feed them when they ask but also ignore them when they scream??

i was also recently advised to express my milk and use bottles while she is little "otherwise you'll never get her to drink out of normal beakers when she is older" HAHA so... she's still gonna be solely drinking out of my breasts when she's 30 right? pfft

[APBTlover]

Originally Posted by Pineapple Head 

People always comment on how happy and content Clover is and how she never cries. I think part of it is her personality but another part of it is that we have never let her because we respond so quickly.

This. I've no doubt it's partly her personality, as well, but I don't think that's the full story. Everyone is always going on and on about how they've never seen such a "good" baby, "oh, she's so happy!" She only gets into an all-out complete-with-tears cry about 1-2x a week... because we try to meet her needs when she's still just in the fussing stage or before. And this doesn't seem to make her more "demanding" at all, in fact, she seems less and less "demanding" as time goes on. She just seems confident that, hey, Mommy is always near, she (or Daddy or someone) always fixes my problems in a timely fashion, no need to freak out.

But... "co-sleeping is SO dangerous." "Aren't you worried you'll never get her out of your bed?" "I would have just put her on formula instead of sticking to BFing." 

[corban's mum]

Originally Posted by APBTlover 

Originally Posted by Pineapple Head 

People always comment on how happy and content Clover is and how she never cries. I think part of it is her personality but another part of it is that we have never let her because we respond so quickly.

This. I've no doubt it's partly her personality, as well, but I don't think that's the full story. Everyone is always going on and on about how they've never seen such a "good" baby, "oh, she's so happy!" She only gets into an all-out complete-with-tears cry about 1-2x a week... because we try to meet her needs when she's still just in the fussing stage or before. And this doesn't seem to make her more "demanding" at all, in fact, she seems less and less "demanding" as time goes on. She just seems confident that, hey, Mommy is always near, she (or Daddy or someone) always fixes my problems in a timely fashion, no need to freak out.

But... "co-sleeping is SO dangerous." "Aren't you worried you'll never get her out of your bed?" "I would have just put her on formula instead of sticking to BFing." 

yep yep and yep!

and no, im not worried i wont ever get her out of my bed, i dread the day when she decides to sleep on her own! i just dnt get why people care so much about how i rear my baby lol

[Magali]

"Don't spoil her too much" said to me by the lab tech who did a heel prick on my hours old newborn who I was snuggling/nursing after the draw and refused to put back into the plastic nursery cart while she was screaming in pain.  Yep, 3 months later she is jusy spoiled rotten.

[sheashea]

I've been lucky.  In fact, I've had a number of older, mostly immigrant women comment positively on the fact that I wear my daughter in a carrier.  "Babies feel safe when they are held close," they say.  

I have a theory that people are so opinionated about spoiling babies because they felt/feel intuitively wrong about ignoring their own baby's cries, but do not feel empowered to follow that intuition. The trauma of ignoring their own biological and psychological impulses to comfort their babies sticks with them and they often try to vindicate themselves or lessen their internalized guilt by perpetuating the advice... i.e. if we all do it than it must be right.  Conversely, if they see "newfangled parents" dispense with that advice and respond to their baby's cues and the baby is fine, or better than fine, it brings to the fore uncomfortable feelings: "perhaps I was wrong and I may even have hurt my baby even as I hurt myself."  

[outlier]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheashea 

I've been lucky.  In fact, I've had a number of older, mostly immigrant women comment positively on the fact that I wear my daughter in a carrier.  "Babies feel safe when they are held close," they say.  

I have a theory that people are so opinionated about spoiling babies because they felt/feel intuitively wrong about ignoring their own baby's cries, but do not feel empowered to follow that intuition. The trauma of ignoring their own biological and psychological impulses to comfort their babies sticks with them and they often try to vindicate themselves or lessen their internalized guilt by perpetuating the advice... i.e. if we all do it than it must be right.  Conversely, if they see "newfangled parents" dispense with that advice and respond to their baby's cues and the baby is fine, or better than fine, it brings to the fore uncomfortable feelings: "perhaps I was wrong and I may even have hurt my baby even as I hurt myself."  

Very insightful.  I also think some of these people tend to dismiss their uncomfortable feelings by reassuring themselves that you'll end up with a spoiled brat.  Oh well.

I haven't gotten many "helpful" comments either.  I almost feel cheated!  A huge amount of research has gone into all of our parenting decisions and I'm ready and willing to educate, but no one says anything.  Quick, someone tell me I'll never stick with cloth diapers and shouldn't waste my money! 

[corban's mum]

you wont outlier, theyre a terrible waste of money and washing them damages the ecosystem......

[corban's mum]

kidding :P

[outlier]

Quote:

Originally Posted by corban's mum 

you wont outlier, theyre a terrible waste of money and washing them damages the ecosystem......

Phew!  Thank you!