International Adoption - Where to Start???

[sk8boarder15]

Dh and I had our first (and probably only biological) child last year and we want at least one more, but want to adopt internationally. I've done a little bit of research, but its very confusing.... For those have you that have done it can you explain the process especially the home study. 

THANK YOU. 

[Diane B]

The first thing to remember about international adoption is that every country is a bit different, especially in their requirements, and also in the ages and genders of children available.  I think an excellent starting place is to find an agency in your area that works in multiple countries, and go to an info session.  You don't have to use them, but they will go over the process and highlight the requirements briefly for each country.  We went to one of those early on, and it just gave us a basic orientation, although we didn't use them.  If you're truly just starting out, it's much easier than trying to sift through the huge volumes of information on the internet.  Here's a list for the Chicago area (keep scrolling for international):  http://licensedadoptionagencies.dcfs.illinois.gov/

Adoptive Families Magazine (google it) also has a good adoption resource guide that covers all the steps.

There will ultimately probably be only a couple of countries that are a good fit for you.  Once you figure that out, you can do research just on agencies that work in those countries, and find a good fit.  There's some good resources in the sticky for this forum about the process in general, and some old threads about picking an agency.

The home study has to be done by someone local to you, but if possible, it should be someone familiar with home studies for the program from which you are adopting - different countries prefer that different things are emphasized.

[sk8boarder15]

We have done a little bit of research on a few countries and are very interested in South Korea. But honestly I haven't met a child I wasn't able to love and am not too picky about the country... I ran a small churches children's ministry for a while and treated many children like my own. I just jive well with kids. 

[Whistler]

Well, we're in the middle of an international adoption and we've so far done everything pretty much backwards.

I think if I were to do it over I would do it this way:

1. Find other int'l adoptive families in my community or online and ask them what agency they used and if they had a good experience.

2. Choose a reputable agency and do my homework on it.

3. Begin the preliminary work (homestudy in particular) with the agency while still keeping my options open.

4. Go through training and talk a LOT as a family about the best fit.

5. Begin narrowing the field of criteria about children we would like to adopt... country, age, special needs, sibling group.

6. Work with the agency to get matched with a specific child.

Here's what we did and it has been really stressful.

1. Decide we're not adopting internationally for several years yet.

2. Look at photolistings and find a child the EXACT age, race, special needs that we had talked about bringing into our family.

3. Do an inquiry and see a picture.

4. Apply to the agency and start homestudy way behind the timeline the agency is used to working with.

5. Get told another family is "paper ready" and they should be matched with this particular little one.

6. FREAK OUT

7. Convince agency that we were only interested in this kiddo at this time.

8. Continue finishing paperwork at breakneck speed.

9. Receive emails that our country is changing its policies and the timeline is getting pushed back once again and our dumb homestudy is STILL not approved.

Sigh.

Don't do it this way!  For your own sanity, don't follow my example and go the more traditional route (and use an agency in your own time zone)!

Oh, and your comment about "jiving" with kids?  Precious.  :)  I love it.  You'll probably do great with an adopted child.  I knew I wanted to adopt when I bonded with my baby sister when I was eleven.  I knew I did not have to birth a child to be that child's mommy.  :)

[Tigeresse]

We internationally adopted using an agency here in the Chicago burbs.  I'd be happy to share my experience BUT this was 6-8 years ago and lots has changed in the adoption world.  What I can say is that we felt completely supported throughout the process, the homestudy though long and intense was relatively painless.  I had a lot of concerns about our AP, homeschooling lifestyle and none of it was a problem.  Our agency even actively promoted co-sleeping!  We did have to comply with IL laws, however, which required us to show we had a separate bedroom for the baby and mattresses enough so each kid would their own, even if they never slept on them.  IL definitely had some requirements that were above and beyond what China required, but nothing insurmountable.  All needed to be done though because IL requires (or did at the time) adoptive parents to have a foster license. 

Although I don't know if our agency has a Korea program, feel free to PM me if you would like more info. about our agency. 

[mamadebug]

When we were first starting to research adoption, we were considering international adoption.  We ultimately decided against it, but a book I found really helpful is The Complete Book of International Adoption by Dawn Davenport.  It discusses many important things to consider as well as has charts for different countries that give a very basic outline of adopting from that country.   The book I have is 4 years old, so out of date for sure.  Maybe they have an updated edition.  
 

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

We have done a little bit of research on a few countries and are very interested in South Korea. But honestly I haven't met a child I wasn't able to love and am not too picky about the country... I ran a small churches children's ministry for a while and treated many children like my own. I just jive well with kids. 

I don't mean to sound callous, but sometimes love isn't enough.  Kids coming from different situations, cared for in institutions or where you will most likely be matched with an older child or coming from places where the instance of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is higher for example, etc can have serious challenges that will potentially have a very deep impact on your family life.  I think it is so important to be fully aware of the potential for those things and if there is an increased risk you will face those challenges with your child.  Again, I am not trying to sound negative, but realistic that your child's early experience will probably really impact who they are.  I have seen families who went in with the best of intentions and a lot of love - but it also took a ton of therapy, OT, speech therapy, time and resources to overcome the child's early experience.  

[RedOakMomma]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

We have done a little bit of research on a few countries and are very interested in South Korea. But honestly I haven't met a child I wasn't able to love and am not too picky about the country... I ran a small churches children's ministry for a while and treated many children like my own. I just jive well with kids. 

:)  Our daughter is from South Korea.

Of course it's easy to love a child from any country, but when you're adopting internationally I think it's important to be interested in (if not love) the country and culture you're adopting from, too.  That way incorporating that culture will feel more natural, you'll have more motivation to do it, and traveling back to that country will be more of a treat.

That's one of the reasons dh and I focused on adopting from Asia rather than Eastern Europe or Africa.  We were just more interested in the cultures of Asia, especially China, India, and Korea, than in the cultures of Europe or Africa.  For us it went a little like this:

1.  Look at all the countries that have adoption programs.  Figure out which ones we'd qualify for.

2.  From those, eliminate the ones that seemed impractical (lian example now would be China, simply for the wait times).

3.  From the rest, consider a few things like:  a) how well the program fits our family  b) the stability of the program  c) the history/ethics of the program

4.  Consider the ethnicity of the child...do we feel we have a support system for a Chinese-American child?  For a Korean-American child?  Etc. 

5.  Consider the adoption process...what are the plusses and minuses of each program (ethics, child care, health reporting, travel times, wait times, communication with birth parents, known history of birth families, etc.)

In our case it all came together with South Korea's program.  We needed to adopt a child with very known health needs (nothing hazy as can sometimes happen in certain other countries), we wanted to adopt a child who had had foster care vs. orphanage care, we wanted our child to know (and be able to contact) her birth families, we loved the idea of being tied to South Korea and making that country a destination for our family...there were so many particulars that felt like it was the right decision.

When I was first starting out, I called up all the local agencies and asked for their info packets.  I also went to a few meetings (make sure to go to more than one...each one is so exciting and inspiring, you'll think "this is the program!"...but you need more to go on than the info meetings).  We picked an agency after we decided on a program.

Picking an agency, we felt it was important to choose one that was either huge and very well-established in the country we were adopting from (like Great Wall for China adoptions) OR that it had several international programs so that, heaven forbid, if the South Korean process closed (not likely), we would be able to continue with the same agency toward adoption in another country we were interested in.

We went with a smaller agency that has several international programs.  We chose it because it fit our family needs and wants best...we wanted to adopt a girl (not sure I'd gender-request again, but at that time we did want to), and they allowed gender requests if a family had all sons.  We also liked what we heard when we called their references, and when we looked around online for discussions about the agency.

The homestudy is not that confusing, really, though how it's constructed and what it says will be different for each country.  The social worker will know this, and will construct it appropriately.  Once you choose an agency, they'll give you all the steps you need (including the homstudy).  You often start your adoption process by getting the homestudy done and your paperwork ready, but before that you need to apply and get accepted by an agency.

Does that help?

[Diane B]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

We have done a little bit of research on a few countries and are very interested in South Korea. But honestly I haven't met a child I wasn't able to love and am not too picky about the country... I ran a small churches children's ministry for a while and treated many children like my own. I just jive well with kids. 

I don't mean to sound callous, but sometimes love isn't enough.  Kids coming from different situations, cared for in institutions or where you will most likely be matched with an older child or coming from places where the instance of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is higher for example, etc can have serious challenges that will potentially have a very deep impact on your family life.  I think it is so important to be fully aware of the potential for those things and if there is an increased risk you will face those challenges with your child.  Again, I am not trying to sound negative, but realistic that your child's early experience will probably really impact who they are.  I have seen families who went in with the best of intentions and a lot of love - but it also took a ton of therapy, OT, speech therapy, time and resources to overcome the child's early experience.  

I once heard that any international adoption should be considered a special needs adoption.  So it's well worth the effort to be well-informed in advance; a good agency should be able to help you with that, and there are lots of good written resources.  Sometimes kids with attachment challenges aren't able to love YOU, at least not at first, even if you love them.  The first 15 months of our daughter's life (including her time in utero) do profoundly affect who she is today.  Our daughter's challenges in this regard were relatively minor in the spectrum of things, but even so, we have had some times along the way where, although I certainly loved her, I  found her behaviors extremely difficult to deal with, and I didn't like her very much.  Good support and resources are critical at those times. I'm not trying to sound negative or to scare you off either - international adoption can be wonderful, and I wouldn't change a thing - but it's good to go in with your eyes open so that you are prepared to meet the needs of your child.

[RedOakMomma]

good post, Diane B.  I totally agree with what you wrote.

[sk8boarder15]

Well the reason I'm sooo interested in south korea is becuase I do Tae Kwon Do and hang out with a lot of Koreans! I love the people and cluture (HATE THE FOOD.. ughhh) and can also speak VERY BASIC korean (greetings... etc...). 

[sk8boarder15]

Well... I know a few families personally that have adopted internationally and I hope to get closer to them so I can find out their struggles. I know one family that adopted a little Ethiopian girl (3 years old) and things are going really well, she bonded best to her older brother (their youngest of 4 biological children) and his name was her first English word and she even made a song with his name (too cute). They have had to do a lot to bond with her. We honestly aren't looking to adopt anytime soon, hopefully in 5 years or so.... so I'm just trying to get the basics figure out. We've talked about wanting to adopt since we were dating in high school and originally didn't want to have any children or our own, but when we found out how long we had to wait to adopt (most agencies both parents need to be 25) we decided to have one since we didn't want to wait that long.... after a rough pregnancy and birth I'm VERY SURE I do not want any more biological children. I'm just trying to figure out where to go in the next year or so. 

Also, did anyone have any issues with having lots of pets with the home study? Do they care about that? I rescue dogs and have 4 and will most likely have another by the time we do a home study. Getting rid of them is NOT an option! My goal is to open a dog rescue/shelter someday..... and I put a lot of time into saving dogs lives and rehabilitating them .

[RedOakMomma]

If you have ties to several Korean-Americans and you are interested in adpopting from Korea, then I'd look into it in more detail for sure.  You need to find out which agencies are permitted by Korean orphanages to place children within your state.  You can look up those agencies by state here:  http://www.adoptkorea.com/us-agency.htm 

Korea, depending on the agency/orphanage, tends to place a lot of importance on health (you usually cannot be very obese), education, and the stability of the family/marriage.  They also have a limit on the number of children they'd like to see in a family, though it's fairly high--you don't need to worry about that.  They don't seem to have an official income requirement, though they do want to see that you are financially healthy and will want to know your incomes, debts, assets, etc.  (When I say "they," I mean Korean agency officials, but in reality the person interviewing you about all this will be your homestudy social worker.)

I'd call the agencies you're allowed to work with, find out their information, and find out their process.  Talk with them in detail about what is required, and make sure your family fits the requirements.  You could ask about wait times and policies, too, but realize that even in a year those can change dramatically...so five years down the road you'll have no idea how long  you'll wait or what policies might be. 

In general, the Korean adoption process is very stable and very predictable, but you should also know that there is always talk about the Korean government putting a stop to Korean adoptions.  Every couple of years they say it's DEFINITELY going to happen, and then that date is reached and it doesn't happen.  The reality of the situation is that, even though Korean domestic adoptions are going up, there are still nowhere enough homes (or incentives) domestically to place all the children that need homes.  For now, for better or for worse, South Korea still needs international adoption.  Just be aware that politically, it's not popular in South Korea and they often express a desire to stop the practice. 

[RedOakMomma]

And don't give up on the food! Korean food I've eaten in the States is often dramatically different than the food we ate while in Korea.  And besides...it's a whole cuisine...there's always something to like, if not love! :) 

[Whistler]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

Also, did anyone have any issues with having lots of pets with the home study? Do they care about that? I rescue dogs and have 4 and will most likely have another by the time we do a home study. Getting rid of them is NOT an option! My goal is to open a dog rescue/shelter someday..... and I put a lot of time into saving dogs lives and rehabilitating them .

No.  We have lots of pets and I have done rescue work also.  What matters is that your house is clean and the animals are well-cared-for and properly vetted, not the number of them.

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma 

If you have ties to several Korean-Americans and you are interested in adpopting from Korea, then I'd look into it in more detail for sure.  You need to find out which agencies are permitted by Korean orphanages to place children within your state.  You can look up those agencies by state here:  http://www.adoptkorea.com/us-agency.htm 

You sound quite interested in Korea to me too :)  I also like that you're taking your time and gathering information.  You will likely do well when the time comes to move forward.

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma 

And don't give up on the food! Korean food I've eaten in the States is often dramatically different than the food we ate while in Korea.  And besides...it's a whole cuisine...there's always something to like, if not love! :) 

While I am sure this is the case, the Korean exchange student who lived with us while I was in high school did not turn me onto Korean food!  Kim-chee was icky and so was the pickled fish that she kept in her room.... the whole floor of our house smelled nasty!  ewwww!!!!  

I'd have to really look to find Korean food I liked I think.  :)  Not saying it doesn't exist... but do far... nada.

[sk8boarder15]

Thank you SOO MUCH! My Dh and I are really excited to get moving forward. I totally forgot about the wight thing. My husband is considered obese and I just used this as an encouragement to continue losing weight. He lost almost 30lbs last year but still has a long way to go, hes at 275 now an wants to get under 200. 

I do know that Korea could stop adoptions at anytime, that's why I'm trying to stay open to any country, but they are definitely our first pick. We talk about our sons little Asian brother/sister all the time. :) 

I'm also glad the number of animals isn't an issue as I wanted to start fostering in the summer so we would have 5 (very well cared for dogs) around here! 

Our biggest hurdle right now is that we are starting a business and we want to wait till it is up and running smoothly and making a profit before we look to bring another child into the family. We have other income... we just want to deal with one hurdle at a time. Thanks for all your help!!! :) 

[RedOakMomma]

nak

KSS is one of the orphanges available to you, I believe, and they do not have a weight restriction.  each orphanage (there are 4, I think) sets its own requirements.  The US agency liscensed to work with them in the US must follow those requirements.

[sk8boarder15]

Thanks. Red Oak Momma its funny that you are answering my questions as you were in my DDC and answered questions of mine in there too! 

[sk8boarder15]

Two questions. Does anyone know how long the process typically takes from beginning to end? Also how many boys are there? If I could choose I would adopt a boy, is the boy to girl ratio pretty good there or are there a lot more girls than boys? 

[RedOakMomma]

:)  Our babies are only two days apart. :)  They sure are getting to a sweet age, aren't they?  Dd full-out laughed last week for the first time!

In Korea, there are many, many, many more boys for adoption than there are girls.  The adoption process for boys also goes a lot faster, because there are waiting lists for the healthy girls but no waiting lists to adopt boys.  To put it in perspective, while we were adopting the waiting list for girls got to be almost two years long (and did end up being longer than that in a few cases, I think).  It got so long that the agency stopped taking requests for girls, and stopped adding names to the waiting list.  Boys, on the other hand, were able to be referred within just a few months after the official application was sent to Korea. 

We adopted our daughter (yes..:(...we were on that waiting list...that's why I say I don't know if I'd do it the same way again) two years ago, but it's still the case that "families wait for girls, but boys wait for families).  There are still long waiting lists for girls, but friends of ours were just referred a boy after only 6 months.  He's six months old and should be home in April at 10 months old.  The process for boys goes so much faster.

There are exceptions.  Some agencies will not allow gender preference, and you are referred a boy or girl.  It makes sense to expect a boy, though, because there are not nearly as many girls as there are boys needing adoption.  In Korea the reason for this is that girls are considered better for adoption than boys (it has to do with Confucianism, and long-held--though now abolished--systems of family records).  More girls are adopted domestically than boys.  If you would prefer a boy, you can say that in your homestudy.  There's no promise that you'll get a boy, but if you request one it's almost certain.

The process, timewise, depends a lot on when you adopt and the agency you choose.  Sometimes international adoption from Korea is a quick process, sometimes it's slow.  It all depends on how many babies are ready for adoption, how many clients are using your agency, plus other complex stuff like exit visas and adoption quotas.  You won't know how long it will take when you start the process...that's the maddening thing.  Your agency, if it's a good one, will give you a guestimate on how long it will take (4-6 months to get a referral, or 12 to 18, who knows), but it's not something they can control. 

When we first inquired to adopt dd, our son was a newborn and the agency said "you might as well wait six months...right now referrals are coming almost as soon as the applications are complete, and you wouldn't want a referral that soon."  Well, six months later when we DID start the process, all of a suddent the wait was a year.  Then it was 18 months!  It goes in waves, and no one can predict how it will go.

The process looks like this:

1.  Pick an agency

2.  Apply to the agency, get accepted.

3.  Start your homestudy (either through the same agency or through a local homestudy agency...your agency will let you know).  The homestudy takes 1-4 months, depending on how fast you push the process and how closely spaced your homestudy meetings (discussions, paperwork, interviews, and a homevisit) are.  Homestudies cost a few thousand dollars.  2K-5K, from what I remember, though that's hazy.

4.  Complete the official application to adopt (the longer paperwork, though for Korea it's not bad at all).

5.  Wait

6.  Referral of a child.  Children in Korea are referred between 5 and 6 months old, usually.  Not younger, but sometimes older.  This will be the first time you see your child's face, see their given name, and get an update on their health, their personality, which family they're staying with, etc. You get the referral, have an international adoption doctor look over the file (so you can discuss special needs or issues, if any), then accept the referral.  When you accept the referral, you also need to pay the largest sum ($15K or more, depending on how your agency arranges the sum.  It seems like a lot, I know, but it's what covers the child's expenses in their first 10 months of life, the foster family's compensation, the running of the orphanage, etc.)

7.  When you accept the referral of a child, you have to fill out a lot of paperwork and get the visa process going.  The agency and your social worker help you through this.  There are several steps the two governments have to approve before your child will come home.

8.  Travel.  If all goes well, this takes 3-5 months.  You travel to Seoul, meet your child, hopefully meet their foster mom and dad, see the orphanage, and after several days bring your child home.  It's not like China where the whole trip is structured--you can do what you like and stay as long as you like in Seoul.  Some agencies give you custody a couple of days before you leave, some give you custody in the airport as you're leaving.  Either way, you meet your child a few times beforehand so they can get used to you, and so you have a chance to talk to the foster mom about your child's needs and personality.  Meeting the foster family doesn't always happen, but it seems like it almost always does if you request it.

9.  Come home

10.  After six months, you go to court to officially adopt your child (until then, you're technically his foster parents, and your homestudy social worker sends reports back to the orphanage in Korea on how well your child is adjusting, etc.)

That's it!

Travel times can get caught up in visa problems, though.  I know Holt, and maybe Eastern? are two of the orphanages having problems with this now.  KSS and the other SWS (?) are not.  Basically, if an orphanage matches (refers) too many babies to international couples, they run out of the visas they need to send the babies home.  The Korean government only allows so many babies to be adopted internationally each year, and that number keeps going down.  If your baby is referred to you, but the visas run out, then you can't bring your baby home until his turn to get a visa comes up.  It's a big mess.  One family I know is going to have to wait almost a year between referral and bringing their child home!  Usually it's not that bad, though...and hopefully Holt and Eastern will manage things better in the future.  Best to ask about this, though, if and when you are ready to get the process going.