My kid is a biter :(

[somelady]

My ds is 26mo, and his one vice is biting.  It seems to come and go based on I don't know what.  Well, I imagine this latest round has been set off or intensified by the fact that I weaned him about a month ago.  Immediate causes seem to be sometimes anger or getting wound up/overexcited or something like that, but it's not generally obvious what will set him off.  We keep thinking he's got teeth coming in, but I actually got a decent look in his mouth today and I didn't see anything.

We've mostly been doing time-in type things in the form of "couch meetings" as suggested in playful parenting (this is the discipline book I convinced dh to read, I've not actually read it yet).  They seemed to be helping or a while, but he doesn't even seem to want to acknowledge us now.  

I think we'd be managing ok (well except dh is getting impatient), but I work and he goes to daycare and it's starting to become an issue there.  It had been once every week or two or so, but he had two incident reports yesterday, and one today, and they said they've started shadowing him.  That is fine, but I hear about the stories of kids getting kicked out of daycares for biting and I worry.  Plus at 2 it's not like there's anything I can do when I come to get him about biting that happened hours ago....  There was also talk about having a meeting with one of the supervisors, does anyone have any experience with that?  I mean if they had something else to do they'd be doing it, wouldn't they?

This is kinda disjointed, but really any advice or reassurance or anything would be helpful at this point.

[madskye]

DD went to daycare, and 99% of the kids there were biters.  She bit, and was bitten.  Some are worse than others.  Know that most likely, he's not the only child there biting other children or teachers.

-Talk to the head administrator about it, and let her know what you are doing at home.  Let her know you take it seriously.  That goes a long way. This is not the first time she's dealt with a toddler biting, and it won't be the last.

-If it will make you feel better, just ask if they have a policy about biters with x many strikes and you're out.  (Ours did not)

-It's REALLY, REALLY good that they're shadowing him.  That means they are paying attention and they can be there to redirect him when he is intent on biting.

-I know he's only 26 months, but keep talking to him about no biting and gentle touches and how to treat friends.  One day, it will click!

We became very close with most of the families in DD's daycare class--she's five and in kindy and a group of us are still in touch. We were all appalled at the biting stage, but that's what it was, a stage and it passed.  Knowing the kids really helped to understand that none of these children were mean or bullies or monsters...they were just mouthy like puppies and they needed a lot of close supervision to keep their teeth to themselves.

[Belia]

I don't know if this is the kind of reassurance you want, but DS has been bitten at daycare a couple of times.  As the mom of the "bitten," I could care less.  I don't think the biters are monsters or bullies or bad kids, and I don't think the moms of the biters are bad parents or neglectful or doing anything wrong.  Honestly, none of those things even crossed my mind.  I just think its a phase that toddlers go through, and its only a matter of time before my kid is on the other end of the bite.

Hang in there, mama.  This too shall pass.

[somelady]

Thanks everyone.  I do plan to ask more questions, I was just kind of flustered yesterday and trying to get out so we could go to swim class.

And I do know a certain amount is normal.... but part of what worries me is that in his old room it seemed more balanced in terms of biting and being bitten, while now I seem to only be getting reports of him biting. I had talked to his main teacher a week (or two?) ago and she seemed pretty chill and reassuring about it but now they're shadowing him so it seems like it's escalating really quickly y'know?

[twinergy]

My DS was a biter too with similar triggers, it seemed it was about a strong need to put his mouth on me.  He doesn't go to daycare, but he does have a twin sister whom he was biting.  When I wan't available he would bite her instead.  The solution isn't ideal, but when I redirected him to lick me instead the biting stopped.  He was interested in the licking for a few weeks he would lick me mostly, but sometimes his sister.  Then he cut back after the newness wore off, probably  because he wasn't getting a big reaction. Now he licks maybe once every other week, which I allow but tell him I would prefer he didn't.