What to do? Start to wean, or wait and see?

[mariacm]

Ok, I know most here probably think I shouldn't wean yet.  I myself would like to nurse DS til he's 2 (in general, and more so bc he's not vaxed).  However, the situation may not allow for that, and I don't want him to suddenly be forced to wean fast either.

This is long, so bear with me!  I really need advice please!

Here's the deal: DS is 13 months.  He was EBF til 9 mos.  He started dairy at 12.5 months.  He eats 3 meals a day, probably about 6 oz of food avg per meal, plus a few ounces of cow's milk a day (maybe 4-6?  I don't measure.)   He now nurses 6-7 times a day, for about 7 min avg: upon waking, before nap 1, before nap 2, after nap 2, sometimes before dinner, before bed, and wakes up once at 10pm to nurse.  He does not nurse to sleep though, just near bedtimes.

Now for the complicated parts.  I had a pituitary tumor removed a year before I got pregnant with DS.  Hormones are still screwy.  I was dx with hypopituitary bc of the tumor damage halfway thru the preg with DS.  Prolactin was low during the preg and I seemed to have low supply for the first couple months.  DS's weight gain was slow but then he chubbed up after we started cosleeping and I pumped additional sessions.  He was fine for weight til 12 mos, then ped was worried again bc he was gaining too slowly.  Now at wt check at 13.5 mos, his weight is ok again (we added in the 3rd meal at 12 mos).

So, we are now TTC #2.  Hoping to conceive fast (DH is older, and I'm not a spring chicken myself, and we want more kids still). *I am not interested in tandem nursing.*  I am ok with nursing during preg in theory, but hear it is so painful that I'm not sure if I really will.

My concern is that my milk supply will drop substantially during, and maybe at the beginning, of the next preg.  My guess is my chances are worse than most for this due to the hormone issues. 

So do I start to wean him slowly before I get pregnant, in anticipation of having to wean during the first tri?  Or when I get pregnant?  Or do I just wait and see what happens with the supply?  What if it suddenly drops/stops, how do babes react to that?  If it ends up ok supply wise, when should I wean to have it done before the next is born?

TIA!

[PatioGardener]

Me, I'd wait and see what happens.

Good luck with TTC!

[D_McG]

I did wait and see the first time around and found myself with a horrible nursing aversion and then went from perma-nursing to totally weaned in 2 mos.  It was very stressful and made for a miserable first trimester.  In retrospect, my son and I were both ill-equipped to deal with life without nursing and the learning curve seemed steep at the time.

The second time around (I am pregnant ATM) I had a better handle on things, never relied 100% on nursing the way I did the first time and weaned fully before TTC.  

It is SUCH an individual thing though.  Some people have children who lose interest during pregnancy.  Others don't mind nursing all the way through.  It'll all work out in the end!

[mariacm]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

I did wait and see the first time around and found myself with a horrible nursing aversion and then went from perma-nursing to totally weaned in 2 mos.  It was very stressful and made for a miserable first trimester.  In retrospect, my son and I were both ill-equipped to deal with life without nursing and the learning curve seemed steep at the time.

The second time around (I am pregnant ATM) I had a better handle on things, never relied 100% on nursing the way I did the first time and weaned fully before TTC.  

It is SUCH an individual thing though.  Some people have children who lose interest during pregnancy.  Others don't mind nursing all the way through.  It'll all work out in the end!

Thanks for your input.  Could you expand on what you mean by "ill-equipped to deal with life without nursing"?  That may address my concerns about DS dealing with quick weaning.

Also, when you weaned with #2, how long did it take you to do it, and how did you do it?  How old was the baby?

I don't want to nurse through bc I don't want to tandem nurse.  Part of the reason I don't want to tandem nurse is because I don't trust that my body will cooperate to produce enough for both kids and I don't want to worry about the newborn not getting enough.

I appreciate the replies so far and would love more input from others, too!

[D_McG]

I had just relied on nursing for everything.  It was rare for him to hear 'no'.  He mostly got to nurse on demand, all the time.  So for him to have a problem and not see a boob as a solution was rare.  With my daughter instead I worked a little so she had to deal with Daddy at night.  I disliked nursing outside the house, If she was nursing a lot at night I felt comfortable just saying no - it's too much.  

I weaned my DD by 20 mos.  I had cut down at 15 mos or so and we were down to overnight and naps.

I'm sure people here can set your mind at ease re: supply with tandem nursing.  I didn't want to for different reasons.  I really enjoyed having a baby and a toddler/preschooler.  Baby = nursing.  Toddler = 'big boy' things.  The division was clear.  Plus nursing during pregnancy felt so unnatural to me.  Just in my bones it felt wrong.  Which is funny because intellectually I didn't feel that way. It was just a real instinct thing.  Which I hear a lot and people fight through it, meditate, distract themselves etc.  Totally, totally not worth it to me.  I was real confident that I was doing the right thing!

[june'smom]

I would just wait to see how it turns out.  I tandem nursed with dd1 and ds for a long time.  DD1 just couldn't handle not nursing.  She was such a difficult baby/toddler that it was easier to nurse her during pg and with the new baby (which I actually hated for the most part) than it was to deal with her weaning process.  She ended up weaning at 3.5 yo, after tandem nursing for about 18 months.

With ds and dd2, ds weaned himself easily right around 20 weeks pg.  He just didn't like the way my milk tasted anymore.  He was about 2.5 yo and was pretty much ready to wean.  No crying, no stress.  But it was really important to me to let him nurse until he was 2.  Is there any reason you can't wait a bit more before ttc?  5-6 months might make the whole process much, much easier.

Good luck.

[mariacm]

I don't want to wait more to ttc because of our ages and the fact that we'd like a couple more children still.  I also grew up with siblings close in age, and wanted that for my son - about 2 years apart is what we've been thinking would be ideal. So that would mean ttc now...

[texmati]

If you aren't having trouble getting pregnant... I'd wait to wean. Weaning during pregnancy was painless for DS (heartbreaking for me)-- My milk supply dropped gradually; and ds easily became accustomed to having more and more bottles. TBH; it felt the most natural thing to do; where I could see that everything (my body, my son, new baby) was working toward *not* tandeming. I'd still very much like to tandem nurse if DS is willing once this baby comes, but who knows?

If I felt I was running out of time to conceive *and* having trouble; I'd wean before ttc.

[texmati]

I just wanted to concur with the pp who said that they were ill equipped to handle not nursing. I got pregnant with my second when my first was 7mos. We both WOH; so the loss of night nursing around 10-11 mos was a huge blow to us. We tried as much as we could to replace bottles with 'bottle nursing'; but I still very much miss the bond that DS and I had. The transition was much easier on DS than us.

[mariacm]

Originally Posted by texmati 

I just wanted to concur with the pp who said that they were ill equipped to handle not nursing. I got pregnant with my second when my first was 7mos. We both WOH; so the loss of night nursing around 10-11 mos was a huge blow to us. We tried as much as we could to replace bottles with 'bottle nursing'; but I still very much miss the bond that DS and I had. The transition was much easier on DS than us.

Thanks for both of your posts, texmati.  That helps!  Especially since your son was even younger than mine when he started to wean.

We are just now starting ttc, (looks like we missed the boat this cycle, since I had to get an MRI, so next cycle will be the first try).  I'm hoping that the fact that I've been cycling, and seemingly ovulating, for so many months now will mean that it won't take too long to ttc.  But with all the hormone issues, I really don't know and can't bank on that.
 

[texmati]

I'm glad to be of help-- I'm sure that it will be a bit easier on you as your son is a bit older. Best wishes for your TTC journey!

Originally Posted by mariacm 

Originally Posted by texmati 

I just wanted to concur with the pp who said that they were ill equipped to handle not nursing. I got pregnant with my second when my first was 7mos. We both WOH; so the loss of night nursing around 10-11 mos was a huge blow to us. We tried as much as we could to replace bottles with 'bottle nursing'; but I still very much miss the bond that DS and I had. The transition was much easier on DS than us.

Thanks for both of your posts, texmati.  That helps!  Especially since your son was even younger than mine when he started to wean.

We are just now starting ttc, (looks like we missed the boat this cycle, since I had to get an MRI, so next cycle will be the first try).  I'm hoping that the fact that I've been cycling, and seemingly ovulating, for so many months now will mean that it won't take too long to ttc.  But with all the hormone issues, I really don't know and can't bank on that.