REALLY struggling to find some balance

[rachandlily]

In lieu of freaking out at my husband for the 3rd time this week, I figured I'd come here to get some emotions out.  My dd is almost 2 yrs old.  My full-time job is very fulfilling, challenging, and I work for a company that is very supportive of working mothers.

I guess with the age my daughter is at, though, I'm just finding it so hard to not be her primary caregiver.  Just today, for instance, she sat on the toilet for the first time, showed that she knows her colors, and learned a couple new words.  And I missed all of that.  I still feel like, as her mama, it should be my call when she's ready to sit on the toilet (not my mil's), but then I think, well, I'm not her primary caregiver so what do I know?  I'm just so sad to be missing out on all this. 

On top of it all, and I guess the hardest part, is that when I am home, I really want to make the most of the 2 hours I have with dd before bedtime...but she completely falls apart as soon as I'm home.  She cries, fusses, and whines (or just completely melts down) most of the time between when I walk in the door and bedtime (depsite having my husband take care of dinner, wearing her, nursing, etc...).  I know it's a rough time of day for kiddos her age, but it tries my patience so much since I just want to be able to enjoy that time together. 

I guess it's just one of those days where I'm feeling at the end of my rope....wondering if it's all worth it for a career.  Frankly, I don't think I would necessarily thrive as a SAHM, but I just wish it weren't so dang hard all the time.  I'm hoping it's partly her age...I know this is a tough age for babes and mamas, and I'm hopeful that as she gets older, the balance will be easier to come by?  Any thoughts/advice/tips from other working parents is greatly appreciated....

[fnpmama]

NO tips, just hugs - I can empathize.  I try to make the most of the 2hrs in the evening with my boys, but if they haven't napped well at DCP, and are hungry for dinner when we get home, it can be a pretty fussy time of day with us as well. 

I don't know what your work is, or if this would be an option financially or professionally, but have you thought about part time?  I think for me switching to part-time would be the best of both worlds.  As soon as I complete my current contract, May of this year, I am switching to part time - 2 days a week!!  We will have to relocate to afford it, but for me I think it will be worth it.  For us there is no financial option to be a full time SAHM for and like you mentioned, I don't think i would thrive that way.  But Part-time I can still do my work which is incredibly fulfilling and be with children 5 out of 7 days of the week.  I obviously haven't started this yet, so I can't say for sure that it is the solution.  But I am hopeful it will be better than the sadness I have been feeling for the past 2 years.

I don't know if it gets easier as they get older, but my guess is it might when they are school age, possibly tohre WOH mama's can chime in on this.

[laurabfig]

It definitely gets easier as the kids get older, but I think it is always hard to work full time and feel like you have enough time with your family. The weekdays just feel so hectic, I know.  

I think it is just your dd's age too though...it might be better in even just a few months.

[SaRaiMelting]

[rachandlily]

Thanks for the hugs and support mamas...needed it to get through last week and this weekend.  Here are my short-term baby steps to feeling better about things...

1.  stop spending so much time reading the blogs of all the fabulous SAHMs who manage to do it all and somehow make me feel anxious b/c I'll never be able to do all that for my kids (handmade bread, handsewn clothes, new art project every week, etc....).  Love to, but can't as a WOHM.  My kid will be just fine. 

2.  scrape together $ for a housecleaner once a month.  MOST if not all of my stress being a WOHM comes from balancing my OCD need for a clean house and feeling like I have to sacrifice time with my daughter, partner, or sleep to keep on top of housecleaning. 

3.  remind myself that it will not always be this hard!!! 

[Ifluffedthree]

one day at a time, and make each one the best you can.....even if it is only 2 hours for right now.  Hugs  working, children and all the other stuff is so hard to juggle.

[VisionaryMom]

Please, please don't make yourself miserably by idolizing the lives of SAHMs. For the last 5 years, I've worked from home, so I've spent far more time with SAHMs than WOHMs. I say this with all honesty: they're not that happy either. These ages are tough. They truly are, and while you think 2 hours a night of a fussy 2YO is rough, think about spending 24/7 with them. My friends who are SAHMs all *wanted* to be. They chose, and often are making sacrifices, to stay at home, but there have been periods when all have complained bitterly about their frustrations, lack of balance, etc.

(Oh, all those blogs don't tell half the story of what that day was like!)

[marinak1977]

Hang in there mama. I think goals 1 and 2 are wonderful (well all 3 are great goals). DH and I made a choice to slow down our debt paying to pay for a housecleaning once every 2 weeks and it was a lifesaver! It is really really worth it for our sanities, our enjoyment of DS, and overall productivity. I actually have time and energy to sort through things and organize and declutter when DS is asleep rather than just barely maintaining the house. It is great!
When I'm at home after work I try to not think about all the things that need to get done until DS is asleep. If he is fussy I just think that he will soon grow out of it and it will pass. Sure I don't get much done those days but that's ok.
Hugs to you and your DD.