Greetings, all. Thank you OP for starting this thread. I am so relieved to hear that I'm not the only one struggling with relationship issues, especially in the sex/intimacy department.
We've been together since 1993 and our relationship has never been perfect, but we have very strong devotion to each other and have seen each other through a lot (notably the death of my mother & the death of her father). Even though we had weathered a lot of storms together, starting TTC was a huge stressor on our relationship. It was just such an emotional roller coaster for me (the one trying to get pregnant) and all the money & legal issues were just very, very stressful. We started seeing a therapist about 6 months after we started TTC, and that was very helpful.
I finally conceived and our DD was born in October 2008. The labor and delivery was traumatic for me, and I have felt like something broke in our relationship through the long labor, the traumatic birth (via c-section), and the really hard recovery that followed. And for me, sleep deprivation made me completely crazy. I was really miserable most of the time for the first year of DD's life, and my partner retreated from me as her own protective mechanism. Therapy actually made things worse....we'd go to the sessions and all this junk would come to the surface, and our therapist was not very skilled in helping us move through it. It felt more like wallowing. At any rate, I left every session feeling like I wanted a divorce, and I eventually ended the therapy because it was harming our relationship.
Fast forward, now DD is over 2 years old, we've made tons of progress in the sleep department, my body has healed quite a bit, and I am no longer convinced that divorce is inevitable. My partner and I are working very hard to create time & space that is just for us as a couple. It seems impossible that we'll ever have sex again, but I keep reminding myself that we've come this far....
Anyway, thanks to everyone for sharing your story. This is hard stuff to talk about.