I think I could finally kick this series of colds and flus if I could get a little more sleep. In the morning I stay in bed with the twins and nurse and don't get up until they are both awake. I see this as no problem, because DH is up and getting ready for work. I think it shouldn't be a big deal for him to get the kids some breakfast while I sleep in a bit. By the way, the kids have their TV time in the morning so it's not a heavy parenting time for him--it's just get them food while he's getting his own. Then while they watch TV he can take a shower, wake me up, and go to work. Not a big deal, right? To him it's a HUGE deal. He says that it takes him hours to do this because it takes so long to make breakfast for each kid. (Standard daddy breakfast: bowl of dry cereal, bowl of yogurt, piece of fruit. About 3 minutes for me to make that. He makes himself irish oatmeal and uses the microwave. Takes 10 minutes total. I usually cook breakfast, and it still doesn't take a ton of time.)
He blames going to work late on the fact that I'm sleeping in instead of getting up with the first child and cooking breakfast. I blame it on him staying up after midnight every night. If I take the kids for an early outing, I get breakfast for all of us, get us all dressed, pack a lunch. That takes about the same 90 minutes it takes him in the morning to just get himself and 1 or 2 kids fed.
I am having a REALLY hard time seeing this from his side or wanting to compromise at all!! Please tell me, is it unreasonable of me to expect him to give the kids breakfast while he's making his own, if he's got to get ready for work?
The house hasn't been in great shape since the twins were born, but I do my best to keep up with the dishes and the toys. The twins have also been potty training, so a lot of my time goes to the constant cleaning of potty seats and the occasional accident. Yesterday for example I cleaned up all the toys in the family room and kids' rooms, then we had a playdate, cleaned up again (with their help), then had lunch, nap, cleaned the kitchen, went to the grocery store, cooked dinner. DH came come and was extremely irritated with what a mess the house is. Not that he aims the frustration at me, it's more the kind of annoyance you get when you can't find something because your stuff is all hidden by toys and clutter. But I take it personally. I can't help it. I ended up saying that I already cleaned up the toys TWICE today and I can't clean the kitchen or make dinner without the kids making a big mess again. After dinner, the kids and I put away their toys every night, but DH rarely helps (he needs some time to unwind after work) and when he comes home the toys are usually still out. I feel like, if it bothers him so much, he could pitch in to help clean it up. And where is MY time to unwind after work? He does help with the kids, just not the cleaning. Doesn't even rinse his own dishes. On the weekends he helps by mopping or scrubbing the toilet, which is great, but he doesn't do much the rest of the week. I feel like it all falls on me.
I feel so defensive about the house, how do I stop taking it personally? I've tried talking to him about it and he just doesn't seem to get why it hurts my feelings to have him badmouth the state of the house. Any advice??