It is so interesting seeing everyone's thoughts on sex!
My mom was always pretty open about sex with me. She had me at 23 (I'm her oldest) and was unmarried. My father was never in the picture so even if she hadn't wanted to, she kind of had to be honest with me about the situation. She had sex unmarried and at a time in her life where it wasn't ideal to have a kid. She was on birth control however so I am a statistic hehe. Although, she was taking a newer med that they didn't realize messed with BC... I guess I helped figure that out? She is honest enough with me to actually tell me that her doctors recommended she have an abortion as they didn't know how the drug was going to affect me and she considered it as well. She decided not to (I'm also pro choice... I'm perfectly comfortable with having almost been aborted and knowing my mom's situation, would have supported her fully) She was also open enough about sex to refuse to buy me a purity ring when I asked for one in fifth grade. She said she didn't want to be part of enforcing a specific time for me to lose my virginity... it wasn't up to her and waiting til marriage isn't necessarily the best option for all people so she didn't want me to have that impression either... although she wasn't AGAINST me waiting of course :D
I lost my virginity at 16. It wasn't like how most people talk about their 'first time.' We had been in a relationship for awhile at that point and had discussed having sex quite a bit. It was an ongoing conversation for us. He was 18 and in college. He had an apartment actually that he shared with only one roommate. I got on birth control about a month before we had sex knowing I needed to be on it ahead of time but also not knowing if I wanted to have sex. I had an appointment for something else so I just asked my doctor about it. Since she couldn't tell my mom legally, it worked out for me as I wasn't ready to talk to her about it. My doctor gave me BC samples for free and talked to me a bit and sent me on my way. I obviously did end up deciding to have sex haha. We bought the condoms (because you better believe I insisted on double protection EVERY time... he wasn't fighting it either... he was a great guy) and went right ahead. We knew how to properly put on a condom so it was only a matter of being sure we were ready in other aspects.
It was honestly great. I had no expectations that we would be together forever however I also felt that with where we were in our relationship, it was plausible that it could happen. Mostly though, I just REALLY REALLY wanted to have sex and I knew he was a good guy who would respect me. And he did... he asked me a couple times if I was sure before we had sex and even asked once we were fully naked and he was just about to put his penis in my vagina. He wanted to make sure before we crossed that final line. Its funny though, he was a virgin too but way more concerned about me... probably because girls are supposed to be all emotional and unsure and junk. I wasn't though, I was READY. Honestly, I had probably been ready for a good year physically and was just waiting for the right person to lose it to.
That first time really was not like stories I hear. It didn't hurt at ALL. It just felt great. I didn't feel really emotional after... I just felt great! In fact, so great that we proceeded to do it six more times in different locations in his apartment in different positions. We took food and shower breaks but yeah... it was a pretty awesome day as far as losing ones virginity can go.
I have zero regrets. I ended up breaking up with him a few months later because I realized he just wasn't for me and I'm the type of person who dates with a purpose. I always have. I also only have sex within relationships because it doesn't feel right to me do have sex otherwise (thats just for me, we all have our own boundaries) so breaking up with him meant no more sex.. which sucked... I REALLY liked having it hehe. My mom found out we were having sex a month after I lost my virginity though. I wasn't ready to tell her til then. As open and accepting as she was, I didn't really feel comfortable sharing something so personal right away. I needed to try it out for myself. I knew how to be completely safe, I felt I understood the risks and we both had discussed everything from stds (despite being virgins) to how we'd manage having a baby before having sex so I didn't feel I needed her approval or advice. We'd talked enough for me to know she wouldn't try to stop me and there wasn't much more she could tell me beyond maybe to wait longer which I definitely didn't want to do. I was right, when she did find out, she wasn't thrilled but it was just a fact.. nothing changed. I still got to visit him at his place (in another city) and we still had lots of time alone in my town. There was no loss of trust... just an acceptance and a bit of sadness that I was so grown up hehe.
I hope for my own kiddo that she waits until she is certain. That it is with a person who will respect her even right up til the last moment (and I know he would have stopped at any point after if I had wanted too) and who will discuss the risks prior to having sex. I hope she listens when I tell her about how contraception isn't fool proof and how it isn't just for babies (so yes, she will learn that protection for oral and anal is important as well... whether she is with a boy OR a girl. We used condoms for oral as well) and that she doesn't need to have sex with someone she expects to be with forever but it should at least be someone she trusts because sex can affect her little emotionally like me or it can end up being a huge deal that can be used against her as it is with some other folks. It should be something considered thoughtfully and not rushed into, whether she is 15 or 25.
as it stands, I was married at 18 and had my first child at 19. with regards to the PP who said people aren't ready before a family before 18 and even 20, I would disagree. I think it all comes down to the person's expectations of family and how it meshes with their partner and the personalities of the two people. I've always been a family person. I was always the 'mom' of my friends, the wet blanket of my peers. The person who considered risks and would rather just hang out quietly than run the town. I have zero doubts about my ability to handle having a child with that first boy at 16. I'm sure we would have made it work as nicely as a high schooler and young college kid could. We may not have stayed together, but I do think we both had enough communication skills and mutual respect to be able to co parent with our child's best interest as our main focus. Based on what I know of him today, I'm even more sure of that. It wouldn't have been ideal of course (which is exactly why we worked so hard to avoid it!) but honestly, how many people have ideal circumstances? I think that is less an age thing and more time in life thing. We were too busy to have a family and ultimately not right for each other. This is true for some married 30 year olds as well. We were never the irresponsible wild partying type. Neither of us are still.