Not Mama Yet Tribe Winter/Spring 2011!!

[oiseau]

Welcome to the Not Mamas... Yet Tribe, Part XXII (Winter/Spring 2011)

(Thanks Rico'sAlice for the text and Jenne for the previous thread sheparding!)

Iaorana! As-salaamu `alaykum! Merhaba! Γεια σου! Ãyubõván! Jambo! Hola! Boa tarde! Ciao! Guten Tag! Bonjour! Magandang Hapon Po! Selamat petang! Konnichiwa!

Hello! Returning members, glad you made it over, hope the trip wasn't too hard. Just put your feet up and relax for a while. We've got organic lemonade, coffee (regular and Swiss-water-process decaf), pastured raw milk, kombucha, kefir, whatever you're into. (No EBM available here- Sorry. Check out the Love Thread for that.)

Newbies! We are sooo excited you're here. We hope you stay a while and never leave... unless it is because you become a mama.

Anyway, this thread was originally started to give those of us who are not yet parents a forum here at MDC to discuss the unique concerns of those who are into NFL, and excited about AP but don't have any munchkins to apply these concepts to...yet. (Although some of us have furbabies, young family members, students, etc. that we are involved with.)

As I mentioned, a few of us have gotten pregnant while here, others are TTC now, some in the next few years, some of us aren't even close. We've also had the occasional visitor that is a "Not Mama...EVER" ie, male nannies and such. We're happy to have all y'all!

So here we are. And here you are. Let the party begin!

NMY Offshoot Threads

NMY Graduates Love Thread
NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part Two
NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part Three
NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part Four

NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part Five
NMY Fitness Thread


Official NMY Status Roster
Getting to know you...getting to know all about you...

Post in the thread if you want your information added, updated, or changed. If it seems as if I didn't see it, send me a PM. Thanks!

Graduates

Katt, age 30 mama to Teotimo since 12/27/06
~Shanna~ mama to Fenton Edward since 3/26/07
Holiztic mama to Quinn since 4/13/07
BeccaBear, age 28 -mama to Alexander Lewis since 5/6/07
Rico'sAlice, age 27 - mama to Johannes Edward since 5/20/07
turtle81 , age 25 - mama to Phillip since 6/02/07
farmama, age 29 - mama to Natalina since 7/17/07
Maela, age 26 - mama to Maev since 7/17/07
jodib, age 29 - mama to Rosalie Jayne since 7/23/07
PiePie, age 36 - mama to since 8/16/07
arelyn, age 25 - mama to Micaiah since 8/16/07
hazieluna, age 35 - mama to Aidan Sebastian since 9/15/07
ATD_Mom, age 32 - mama to Alasdair since 9/16/07
Sihaya, age 24 - mama to Calvin since 12/22/07
NJ*Doula, age 27 - mama since 3/16/08
blizzard_babe-mama to Issac Vincent since 05/06/08
cking- mama to Josephine Angela since 04/01/08
snozzberry-mama to Abigail Ann since 2/16/08
witchygrrl-mama to Rhea Ann since 8/1/08
zoebird- mama to Hawk Octavian since 8/30/08
asoulunbound - mama to Samara Marie since 10/25/08
MujerMamaMismo- mama to Sebastian Felix since 12/21/08
Kriket - mama to Sirius J since 4/24/09
Mama Khi - mama to Abigail since 6/18/09
Sk8ermaiden - mama to Elle since 7/12/09
CourtBChase - mama to Eleanor Sage since 7/19/09
AsYouWish- mama to DonnaLucia since 9/14/09
JessicaRenee - mama to Jude since 9/25/09
Texmati - mama to Ishaan since 9/22/09
LibertyBelle- mama since 10/09
CalaRei- mama to Tycho & Kepler 10/29/09
jaclyn7 - mama to Kiefer since 11/26/09
Andee-mama to baby Danger since 12/08/09
MEcatlady17- mama to Hannah Lee since 1/19/10
GuavaGirl-mama to Eli James since 2/21/10
RhiOrion - mama to Loreli Ruth since 4/8/10
Oztok5 - mama to a little boy since 5/3/10
Tippy - mama to Julius Luciano since 5/30/10
APBTlover - mama to Bronagh Rose since 10/10/10
Monarchgrrl - mama to Sophia since 11/2/10

Jenne - mama to Audren since 2/11/11

Pregnant

Neuromancer due 4/5-2011

TTC Now & Later
aquarius aspiring (2011?)
ashcav
Brown Lioness
bubbledumpster (July 2011)
cak1207 (currently)
CAndMe
Cari (summer 2011)
Charliemae
Freud
habitat (January 2012)
Hesperia (currently)
JlyGrnMigt (August 2010)
Knittinanny
Kyamo (currently)
lakeruby (summer?)
lapis (currently)
monkeyscience (now-ish!)
MrsD08 (currently)
musiclovinglife
nemrac917 (2012?)
objet_trouve (2010)
Oiseau (sometime between 2013-2015)
Shaina
sleepingbeauty (Jan 2013)

stardogs (2015)
stretch358
zejh-mama to Joseph 10/9/09


Not Sure Yet
Chloe2326
gfreelishy
joiedevivre184
KaylaBeanie
Kimiij
Knitty Gritty
ladyinred
Sage.Naissance
TwilightJoy
Zephyrine

Planning to Adopt
crunchysamma
w8ing4myDD


Birthdays

January
Tippy...15th

February

Monkeyscience...5th
Kyamo…10th
Neuromancer...19th, 1977

March
stretch358…5th
CAndMe...8th

April
APBTlover

stardogs...5th
Cari...16th

May
bubbledumpster...12th
RhiOrion...19th
ashcav...22nd, 1987
lapis...24th

June
sleepingbeauty...23rd, 1989
Jenne…24th

July
ladyinred… 4th, 1981

August
Oiseau...5th
KaylaBeanie...17th
Sage.Naissance...28th
joiedevivre184...26th

September
Knitty Gritty... 6th
nemrac917...17th

October
JlyGnrMigt...8th
Hesperia...12th
Brown Lioness...16tn,1979

November
MrsD08...3rd
zejh...18th
Monarchgrrl...20th, 1977

December
Shaina…5th, 1988
Knittinanny...12th


Post in the thread if you want your information added, updated, or changed. If it seems as if I didn't see it, send me a PM and I will do my best to fix it. Thanks!

Edited by oiseau - 3/12/11 at 1:55pm

[oiseau]

Hi All! Welcome to our new Winter/Spring thread!

I seem to have lost the links to most of the various NMY Graduates Love Threads in the software transition, but I fixed the ones I could!

[monkeyscience]

You can change me to TTCing-ish right now (not preventing, anyway). And my birthday's February 5th. Thanks for the new thread!

[stardogs]

LOL if you really want you can add me to the TTC list for early 2015, but it's a loooong way off so do whatever you'd like with that info.  My bday is April 5th, so add me there as well if you can. :)

We're gearing up for a winter storm starting early Monday morning - snow turning to sleet/freezing rain, etc.   I stocked up at Whole Foods since I was going to get groceries tomorrow and figured I might as well get the essentials tonight just in case - it was a bit of a mad house.  Hope everyone is staying warm where ever you may be! (Or cool if you're in the southern hemisphere lol).

[oiseau]

I updated both of you! Stardogs...you can just keep chilling with me until 2015!!

We had snow here yesterday, but nothing major. Maybe our Snowpocalypse last year means we won't get much bad snow this year. We recently replaced our crappy truck with a Forester, so we're good with 2 AWD cars now. I told my fiance that now we can absolutely only have 2 kids because Foresters are notoriously bad for car seats....we'd never get 3 across! Two will probably be enough of a challenge!

[stardogs]

I have an Impreza and love it (esp the standard AWD!), but we'll need to upgrade soon - I can only fit 2 people and 2 dog crates and I'll need more room when we get our next puppy and/or when we have a LO. :)

Schools were closed again today, though the roads seem to be aok - the snow didn't amount to much, only about 1.5" with a thin layer of ice - the refreezing is what caused the most trouble.

[oiseau]

My car is an Outback. We're totally a Subaru family (my dad and my brother drive Outbacks too).

What kind of dogs do you have? I've been working in a vet office for the past couple months, so I'm getting lots of exposure to dogs. (I'm naturally more of a cat person).

[Cyllya]

Hi, I've been meaning to join this tribe.

I used to never want kids, then for some reason I grew to want only one kid. But when I found out about AP and radical unschooling and stuff--when I found out that parent/child relationships didn't have to be like what I grew up with--I started wanting like five kids. Heh.

I still have a lot to do before I can start TTC though. 

Things that NEED to happen first:

--DP and I need to get on better financial ground. We both currently have low-paying temp jobs, and combined we have about $120,000 in student loan debt! We actually can't pay the loan bills every month. My mom pays for part of mine, and DP got the loan company to agree to an "interest only" program (so he's paying $400 per month without the principle going down at all.)

--I need to get DP on board with at least some of my parenting ideas.  I know he's still pro-spanking.  I think I've at least mostly won him over on homeschooling.

Things I really really WANT to happen first:

--I want to get in shape. I'm 165 lbs (5'3"), and carrying the laundry to and from the laundry room wears me out.

--I want to improve my diet. I kind of want to be whole-foods vegan, but I'm open to other ideas... but I know what I'm eating now is no good.

--I want to make money in a way I can be proud of. I want to start a home-based business that makes at least a reasonable income. The idea of having both kids and a job is my personal vision of Hell; imagining it seriously makes me want to die--no exaggeration. I suppose I'd be fine if DP made enough for me to be a SAHM, but how am I supposed to teach my children how to make a living if I've never been able to do it?

--We settle down permanently.

--We have a washer and dryer in our home instead of having to use a coin laundry, which would make cloth diapers WAY too expensive.

It doesn't look like babies are gonna happen any time soon. I've had a pregnancy scare twice in the past, and both times I was kind of disappointed.

[stardogs]

I have two shelter dogs - Ziva is a corgi mix and Kestrel is a cattle dog (possibly mixed). Both dogs compete in various sports: agility, disc dog, dock dog, and Schutzhund. . I'm actually writing this from an agility trial as we speak! 

[oiseau]

Welcome Cyllya! I have a lot of the same things on my to-do list too! We have about $100k in student loan debt, combined but we're chipping away at it. My fiance is back in school right now doing a part-time graphic design program at a local cc, so his loans are being deferred for the time being. Luckily, he's not taking on any new debt with this program (he already has a BS and an MS). I sometimes wonder if we're ever gonna reach a point where we'll be financially stable or if we'll ever be able to, say, buy our own house. I'm sure it'll all come in time, but right now it seems so far away!

I've also got the weight loss, diet and settling down on my list. And the coin-op laundry has to go!! It drives me bonkers just doing our regular laundry. The biggest issue I have is just having enough quarters around since I never have time to make it to the bank. At least everything else about our apartment is really nice....

Stardogs: I love that your dog's name is Kestrel!! We just did cataract surgery on a dog who does some sort of fancy agility or something. His owner brought us vegan oatmeal choc. chip cookies and I was laughing about it (they totally tasted like "healthy" cookies!!), but in the end, I ate all the cookies myself!

[habitat]

Oiseau, could you put me up for TTC in January 2012? I've set myself a deadline.

I feel like I'm in a pretty great place. Still living with nine friends and feeling amazing about it.

My List of To-Do's.

- Start a WAHM business

RIght now I'm nannying an adorable infant part time (3 days) to cover the basics (rent, bills, food, loans, $100ish spending and emergency per week), and trying to get a few projects off the ground to create a second income that will be 100% savings for TTC. That will ideally become my WAHM situation when I'm ready to work part time again. I'm doing publishing projects, in the middle of getting a magazine off the ground, self-publshing children's books, etc. A partner of mine who is a very experienced knitter and pattern writer (for Vogue and Knitty) has expressed interest in creating a pattern and clothing business that specializes in nursing gear and tops/dresses/coats that are easy to wear baby skin-to-skin in. We are psyched about this.

- Healthy Vegan Diet

It's important to me that I'm 100% whole foods vegan by the time I start TTC. No soy or gluten and very low on refined sugar.

- Be Real

My resolution is to be unfalteringly honest about my needs and expectations for growing and raising a child. I've been good at being open about these things so far, and it helps that I am a part of an amazing (!!!) and marvelously supportive community. I'm TTC as a "Single Mother By Choice". What this means for me is that I'm creating a child outside of romantic relationships, with a known donor, as the child's sole parent. It does not mean I'll be single romantically. I am queer/polyamorous have one definite long-term partner and more than one more casual relationship. We are all good friends with a focus on radical honesty and communication. I know it will work because I know and trust my partners and myself, but that's not to say it doesn't beg being perfectly clear and being open to the feelings of those around me.

The great news is that I HAVE A DONOR!!!

One of my absolute best friends has offered his sperm as a known donor. I am so happy! Things are falling into place!

 

One step at a time.

[Brown Lioness]

Welcome Cyllya!

I SOOOOO feel you on the WAHM point, because thas why I am still waiting.  I have no idea how most people do it.....have kids...work for someone else in a job they may or may not care for and still try to manage a life. I mean the cost of daycare is more scary to me than pregnancy and birth! It is most definitely NOT something I want to do at all.  If we're going to have kids, we HAVE to do it as a self-employed WAHM family.

Originally Posted by Cyllya 
 

Hi, I've been meaning to join this tribe.

I used to never want kids, then for some reason I grew to want only one kid. But when I found out about AP and radical unschooling and stuff--when I found out that parent/child relationships didn't have to be like what I grew up with--I started wanting like five kids. Heh.

I still have a lot to do before I can start TTC though. 

Things that NEED to happen first:

--DP and I need to get on better financial ground. We both currently have low-paying temp jobs, and combined we have about $120,000 in student loan debt! We actually can't pay the loan bills every month. My mom pays for part of mine, and DP got the loan company to agree to an "interest only" program (so he's paying $400 per month without the principle going down at all.)

--I need to get DP on board with at least some of my parenting ideas.  I know he's still pro-spanking.  I think I've at least mostly won him over on homeschooling.

Things I really really WANT to happen first:

--I want to get in shape. I'm 165 lbs (5'3"), and carrying the laundry to and from the laundry room wears me out.

--I want to improve my diet. I kind of want to be whole-foods vegan, but I'm open to other ideas... but I know what I'm eating now is no good.

--I want to make money in a way I can be proud of. I want to start a home-based business that makes at least a reasonable income. The idea of having both kids and a job is my personal vision of Hell; imagining it seriously makes me want to die--no exaggeration. I suppose I'd be fine if DP made enough for me to be a SAHM, but how am I supposed to teach my children how to make a living if I've never been able to do it?

--We settle down permanently.

--We have a washer and dryer in our home instead of having to use a coin laundry, which would make cloth diapers WAY too expensive.

It doesn't look like babies are gonna happen any time soon. I've had a pregnancy scare twice in the past, and both times I was kind of disappointed.

[oiseau]

Originally Posted by habitat 

Oiseau, could you put me up for TTC in January 2012? I've set myself a deadline.

Done! Congrats on finding a donor!! Good luck checking things off your to-do list!

I guess one of the things on my list is also finding a way to have enough money to raise a family with a schedule that allows one of us to be home with our kids most of the time while they're little. I think my heart would break if I had to send my kids to daycare and unfortunately we don't have family close by to watch kids for us. I'm not sure if we'll work out some time of WAH situation or if we'll try to swing it with me as a SAHM. As thrilled as I am to have my cool co-worker back from maternity leave next week, my heart breaks for her having to leave her 6 week old so soon!!

[stardogs]

I, too, want a more flexible schedule prior to becoming a mom.  I'm already moving in that direction as I'm in the process of starting my own dog training business after being employed by others since graduating from college.  So far I have 2 clients even without marketing. :) I'm excited because in the next few years, my earnings will go to one of two things: dog expenses and savings, and then when a LO comes along I can adjust my hours to accommodate our needs as they change.  This will also allow me to get out of the house regularly, bring in supplemental $$, and maintain my skills so I can go back to a busier schedule after the LO is in school; seems like a win-win. :)

[tank]

Hey not mamas.  I think I will fit in with yall pretty well.  We are curently TTC.  I am 29 and a dog groomer.  We have 2 furkids (dogs.)  I am also vegan and have been for over 10 years so if you guys need some advice or cookbook/website reccomentdations I am full of those. 

As of right now I don't know what our plan would be if we are sucessful.  I make way more than my partner and love my job but can't imagine leaving my child in daycare right away.  I guess I'll never know how things pan out until I am faced with those decisions. 

Oh and I have a lot of debt as well and if I waited until it was under control to ttc I would probably start when I'm 80!

[Brown Lioness]

  to all the new NMY's!  :)

[KaylaBeanie]

Hey ladies! Long time no see! I'm just subbing for now, but it's nice to be back. Life is just more of the same, work and school. I'm at the point now where I have to pick out what I want to do with my life and it's scary. Part of me wants to do something like become a marine biologist or doctor, but the other part of me wants to be a SAHM. It's hard because I wish I was one of those people who genuinely liked cooking, cleaning and running a home but I HATE it and know I couldn't be happy as a full-time SAHM longterm. It's so hard to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life when you're young and single.

Since Alisha (gfreelishy) never has a chance to get online, I'll do an update for her :) She's still in school, working to finish up her special education degree. She made the leap and became a vegetarian who eats vegan most of the time (some dairy in her g-free bread and for period cravings). She's working about 40 hours a week, at evil Wal-Mart and in food services on campus (college beggars can't be choosers, hehe). She's in a brand new relationship with a really crunchy guy (pro-homebirth, anti-circ, anti-mainstream) which is awesome for her!

[oiseau]

Thanks for the update Kayla!

I'm still having the same career-type decision dilemmas. I sometimes feel like all my years of college/grad school were somewhat of a waste seeing as I spent all that time/money and I don't feel at all satisfied with my job/career. I feel like I'm having to make the "what-do-I-wanna-be-when-I-grow-up" decision all over again. Part of me wants to go to vet school and part of me wants to just forget it all and just be a housewife/mom. I just wish money could magically appear to support me/us so I could go that route without worry. I actually really enjoy cooking...cleaning, not so much, but I don't mind it too much. If it was my "job" I'd deal with it though!

I had thought I was all set with an excellent raise that would allow me to just work part-time for awhile and get back on track with getting healthy again, but it turned out that the raise was a big mistake (note to future employers: if you plan to give a raise to an employee, make sure there are no errors or typos!!). I'm once again on the job hunt and wondering how we will ever save money for a baby, especially enough for me to be able to SAH. *sigh*

[stardogs]

I got to visit my bff (in MO, it's been almost 3 YEARS since we've actually *seen* each other!) last week and got home a week ago today.  The visit was a good one and reaffirmed our friendship, but I do think it might've brought up some worries I have related to adding to our human family.  I figure you all might be able to understand this the best (and the gloomy weather really has me being a slug lol), so here goes:

• My bff, S, has two kids, a 5yo DS and a 10mo DD.  Both are amazing kids and she and her DH are wonderful parents.  I hope that DH and I can parent as consistently and kindly as they do, but I did find myself really having trouble picturing myself in their shoes - kids, jobs, pets all creating an incredibly hectic schedule with so many demands on S's time that even holding a convo was hard when I was in the same room.  Is this something that others have run into?  Seeing the life and wondering just how people do it? And whether you're cut out for it?! I honestly can't imagine having no "me time" at all and that makes me feel a bit selfish already and I'm not even at the TTC stage yet!
• I've never been super awesome with little kids, though once I get to know them a bit it seems easier.  I had so much fun with S's kids when they were happy, but when they started acting up or getting fussy I felt myself shutting down and not knowing how to react.  Toward the end of the visit I did manage to keep her DD happy while S was getting her DS ready for bed despite her being really tired and a little fussy and that totally made me happy lol, but there again it's hard to picture doing it full time! Anyone else?
• The visit was so nice even with the above concerns bubbling up and I am soooo glad I will have an awesome resource in S when we decide to TTC and during the subsequent pregnancy/birth and future child rearing.  Oddly enough this has sparked baby fever a bit - how can I be totally terrified on the one hand and "screw the plan, let's do it now!" on the other?!?!  I even was musing about how long ttc usually takes for people in their later 20s vs early 30s this weekend and DH was totally cool discussing it, which surprised me a little since I always think of him as highly preferring the waiting until 2015 idea.  My business is just getting off the ground right now and DH is considering changing jobs at some point before we have a kid, now is NOT a good time logically, but what if it takes us a year or more to conceive? I'd really like to avoid the "advanced maternal age" label and pushing ttc off until we're 30 already does increase that risk. Ugh. I need a crystal ball...

I came home from my weekend with S incredibly grateful for how simple and relatively easy my life is and really appreciative that DH and I are just a two-some right now, but my brain has decided to work overtime I guess.  Darn overthinking!  Any btdt people out there? I feel so alone and don't really know who to talk to about all this. 

[oiseau]

I sometimes get that feeling when I'm around my friends with kids. I've had the experience of feeling overwhelmed when their kids get upset about something and start crying. Wondering how I will ever be able to calm my own kids down and what if I get freaked out/overwhelmed when they cry. I've thought about it though and realized that mom's always have the magical touch with their own kids and so I'm sure I'll be able to handle it. I may suck at comforting my friend's child, but that's likely because said kiddo only wants mom and I'm not mom. When it's my own kid, I will be and then I'll be magic!

All my friends who have kids have adapted very well to being parents and having their kids take over their lives (in a good way) and I'm sure I'll be able to rise to the challenge when it's my turn. And, like you said about your friend, I know I'll have several great resources in my parent friends. They all do a really great job!

I just spent a week in bed with the cold from hell thanks to coworkers who came to work sick. I'm still hardly feeling like myself, but I'm getting there! Just got a text that my BIL will be getting married soon and I'm just in shock. It's so strange to me that my fiance and I have been together the longest out of all of our family members and suddenly they're all getting married and we're still not even officially engaged (despite me calling him my fiance, and his brother BIL). Somedays it seems like everyone has the life I want except me. Maybe one day I will really be married and I will really have kids, but right now I'm in this funk and feeling like everyone else is doing everything I want to be doing. *sigh*