Not Mama Yet Tribe Winter/Spring 2011!! - Page 3

[oiseau]

Yay!! I'm so happy you finally made it over here (I'll gladly admit to being Bliss's NMY friend IRL!)

I'm also scared of parental reactions whenever I do get pregnant. My mom will be thrilled to death and cry and be super happy...I'm certain of that. I have no idea how my dad will react, but I would feel so embarrassed to tell him. I think it has more to do with the fact that telling my dad I'm pregnant will mean admitting that I've had sex (gasp!) or something. I'm mostly scared of the in-laws reactions. I could see my future MIL saying something incredibly, likely unintentionally, offensive and sending me into fits of tears from pregnancy hormones. And telling the grandparents...yikes! There's gonna be some crazy judgment coming from them and I don't even want to think about it!

(and dude! "Granny box"?!?! that's just wrong...we're lol-ing over here!! ...and also, I just made a batch of homemade deodorant to split with meg. shoot me an email if you want some and I'll make a bit more for you to try.)

[habitat]

Welcome, Bliss! This "Granny Box" thing is hilarious. Totally absurd, and yet, very typical. I think that if my nana didn't already have 10 grandchildren, she'd have the same thing going (a Great-Granny Box). I'm "giving her" her first great grandchild. But she's only 66 - a very young lady, compared to most great-grandmothers! 

I also love love LOVE the outdoors and am actually thinking of building a yurt on my friends' land in Vermont. Perhaps even making it my primary home, but that's a whole can of worms! I so want my child to have a relationship with the land, but I'm torn because I'm in such an amazing community now. I've been wondering if I could somehow have both? Another have cake / eat cake situation, hopefully?

Quote:

Originally Posted by oiseau 

It also struck me earlier that while we're talking about the stigma associated with preparing for kids well in advance and being excited about becoming parents, tons of people my age complain that they feel criticized for their choice to NOT have kids. My future SIL is very defensive about her choice to never have kids as are many other friends of mine. I guess people are critical of your choices, no matter what they are!

I am very aware of this, as well. In a radical feminist/queer community, reproductive choice is a pretty paramount dialogue. I actually happen to be in the small minority of my 20-something friends for even planning on child-ness, and find myself having to do a lot of explaining. I think I will have a second child at least before anyone else in my house starts seriously thinking about having a baby, and none of them are much younger than I am. I think it's great that we have the exposure to really think about these things. It's incredibly important to make your own choices, based on what feels right to you. It's really too bad that your aunt, and other people making similar choices, feels such pressure.

The standard in our society tends to look a lot like this:

(1) Date (very preferably in hetero-normative fashion)

(2) Move in with your partner

(3) Get Engaged

(4) Get Married

(5) Talk About Reproducing

(6) Reproduce within 3 years (with no fertility "issues")

(7) Wait 2-3 Years

(8) Repeat steps 5-7, 2-3 times (preferably with a male, female, male sequence. In that order. Got it?)

My problem is not that this sometimes happens, but that it's still so staunchly expected. My friend who is thirty and who doesn't plan on ever having children made a fabric patch with a screen printed illustration of a sperm fertilizing an egg. The patch reads, "It's not for everyone". She's totally right. She has it sewn onto her backpack. I love her. 

[Bliss313]

The not-grandparents-yet in my situation are at opposite ends of the spectrum.  My MIL has told me she is so excited for us to have kids, to come stay with us the last few weeks of the pregnancy so she can be here for the birth (yikes!!), and she is the one with the infamous box (full of mysterious things...). My parents, however, are hippies that didn't have kids until they were in their late 30's, so I'm expecting some kind of shock/confused reaction from them. However, the hippie side hopefully will be super helpful in counteracting my MIL, who is totally mainstream with baby care and pregnancy.  I am expecting some full-on family drama when homebirth (gasp!), attachment parenting, breastfeeding on demand (in public?! with breasts?! unthinkable!), cosleeping, and DO NOT FEED MY CHILD JUNK come into the picture. My sister-in-law scheduled her induction to 'fit their schedule' because the baby was 2 days late. I am the silent observer, taking notes for the future. Sigh.

I think part of the stigma around planning for babies has to do with the societal pressure to avoid the 'mom trap'.  Nowadays it seems women are afraid to admit they want to be a SAHM because it would imply they are not driven to have a career, etc. It's an unfortunate perception of motherhood. I struggle with the career/family idea myself. 

[oiseau]

Gah I just deleted a long post I was writing...

I think the point I was trying to make was that it's like a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation. Everyone needs to just make the choice that's best for them and leave everyone else alone!!

Most of my female friends either have or are working on PhDs and could be placed into the radical feminist camp. There's a lot of school/career drive and that seems to be how success is measured by them, so admitting that my dream job is a SAHM is pretty out-there. I guess I did struggle with the same thing myself for awhile, but being sick kinda put things into perspective for me (as cliche as that sounds!). I've recently officially made the decision not to pursue vet school anytime soon and with that choice, I'm risking it never happens. I've gotten a lot of flack for putting kids before vet school, but kids are so much more important to me than career that if I never become a vet, but I have a happy family, I'll be content.

Bliss--I would go nuts if my MIL tried to camp out at my house around my due date!! Luckily I think she's scared of me, but I'd go ballistic!! That's one of my worst nightmares of things that could go wrong around the time I give birth!

[habitat]

Originally Posted by oiseau 

Gah I just deleted a long post I was writing...

I think the point I was trying to make was that it's like a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation. Everyone needs to just make the choice that's best for them and leave everyone else alone!!

Most of my female friends either have or are working on PhDs and could be placed into the radical feminist camp. There's a lot of school/career drive and that seems to be how success is measured by them, so admitting that my dream job is a SAHM is pretty out-there. I guess I did struggle with the same thing myself for awhile, but being sick kinda put things into perspective for me (as cliche as that sounds!). I've recently officially made the decision not to pursue vet school anytime soon and with that choice, I'm risking it never happens. I've gotten a lot of flack for putting kids before vet school, but kids are so much more important to me than career that if I never become a vet, but I have a happy family, I'll be content.

Bliss--I would go nuts if my MIL tried to camp out at my house around my due date!! Luckily I think she's scared of me, but I'd go ballistic!! That's one of my worst nightmares of things that could go wrong around the time I give birth!

Totally! 

[monkeyscience]

My mom was totally collecting baby things before she had any grandkids! In fact, she was collecting a few things before any of her kids ever married. (And in my family, baby out of wedlock would have been very frowned upon.) She has one grandbaby now - my niece is 5 months old today! Now she's collecting even more things. She has diapers, wipes, blankets, and even a baby swing that just stay at her house so she's always ready for dn to come over.

Much to the irritation of some of my friends, I flatly refuse to associate myself with the term "feminist" because I feel that feminism is so unsupportive of my life goals. And yeah, I've heard arguments to the contrary, and yes, I certainly believe women should be able to vote and be considered real people, but I really can't support an ideology that seems to consider my intended career choice (SAHM) as invalid, or, worse, damaging to all women everywhere. :P

[habitat]

Eek! This is SO not the place for this, but I just can't help myself.

*quietly gets up on soapbox* 

Originally Posted by monkeyscience 

Much to the irritation of some of my friends, I flatly refuse to associate myself with the term "feminist" because I feel that feminism is so unsupportive of my life goals. And yeah, I've heard arguments to the contrary, and yes, I certainly believe women should be able to vote and be considered real people, but I really can't support an ideology that seems to consider my intended career choice (SAHM) as invalid, or, worse, damaging to all women everywhere. :P

(bolded mine, of course)

Monkeyscience, I totally get where you're coming from. I can't wait to be a SAHM! Yay for being a Mama! It's not that I think everyone needs to identify as a feminist in order to support it. It's totally cool if you don't like the stigma that's been given to the term. And I definitely respect that people are at different places in self-identification, etc, but I'd be lying if I said that this part of your post didn't make me cringe a little... okay, a lot!

I know Church-going feminists, SAHM feminists, breastfeeding feminists and attachment parenting feminists. Maybe you do, too? I know feminists who read Dr Sears and feminists who read the bible and feminists who identify as republican, even. I think it's scary that much of the media is always using the word "feminist" to describe people who are staunchly against active mothering (though I've never actually met any "feminists" like that, and I know A LOT of feminists!). I have met a lot of mothers who would rather not identify as feminists because they feel that their work doesn't fit in, which is a sad fact of incentive propaganda, unfortunately. Anyone who advocates for the right for women to make their own choices, and not to be essentially owned by their male spouses is a feminist by definition. Some people use the term "feminism" to demonize female autonomy or to justify their choices to join the workforce (the latter of which would be totally credible, regardless, of course). The choice that you have to be a SAHM, to be a participant in the choice to conceive and when, and to ultimately have a say in how you parent is because of feminism. As hard as it is for us to fathom, women haven't always had these choices. They were fought for by feminists. The choice of who (or whether or how) to marry was fought for by feminists. Even the choice as to whether or not one would be a handfast spouse is feminist. So, before feminism, you could well be forcibly handfasted to someone you didn't choose, who was abusive or neglectful. Women were, essentially, slaves.

Self-identified feminists are why maternity leave exists! And lactivism is a feminist movement. The home-birthing / free-birthing movements are feminist! The large portion of youth-rights advocacy has been done by feminists, or other women who have (wittingly or not) benefitted from their efforts in policy. Granted, not every person involved in these movements identify as feminists, but these movements exist and will continue to exist because of the feminism's existence. The concept that women can give birth by the power of their own bodies is a very feminist concept. Midwives do radically feminist work, even within the framework of patriarchy. Sometimes midwifery is the only sign of feminism within a anti-feminist fascist state.

Without feminists, we'd have no choice but to give birth in male-owned hospitals, by male doctors. Without feminists, we wouldn't be allowed to make any of the choices regarding the care of our children. Public policy would be entirely male-run and families would be male-owned. Feminists didn't just fight long and hard for the *right to vote*. In doing so, they changed policy to have a concern for the respect of mothers. They fought long and hard to be able to participate in family choices. Until feminism, women were property and had no right to any financial means, even in case of emergency or the death of their spouse. Until feminism, women were not legally allowed to protect their children without the consent of their husbands or male law-makers. Her children were always the property of her husband, to do with as he sees fit. He could send them to boarding schools or orphanages, and often did. He could abuse them or discipline them as harshly as he wanted. Single mothers or widowed mothers were completely ostracized. I have the right, under law, to have a baby the way I know is right (as a SMBC) only because feminists (female and male) fought for that right. And "boy", am I glad!

It was feminism that changed this, which is why I'm absolutely terrified that so many mothers are anti-feminism. 

Feminism is not about forcing mothers to join the work-force. It's about recognizing them as equals and capable of making their own decisions about what is right for them, in the context of their situation. What feminism seems to be, according to some (popular, apparently) sources and what it actually is and has done for mothers are two very different things. Feminism is not anti-male/anti-men or anti mother/father. Feminism is pro-family, and recognizes the mother as central to, or at least an equal in, that family. Not to mention society at large.

*off soap box*  sorry.

ANYWAYS... Pass the bean dip, and ... Has anyone been thinking of names lately??? I've been tooling with the following:

Enda Grey

Ruby Wren

Olive Ainsley

Asa Esme

Glenn Hart

Esme Tate

Adoh Grey

Ella Ashen Gray

Rainer Hart

Mabel Gray

Maisa Lynn

Esa Nodd

... what do you think?

PEACE AND JUSTICE!

[Azadehhast]

Originally Posted by Bliss313 

The not-grandparents-yet in my situation are at opposite ends of the spectrum.  My MIL has told me she is so excited for us to have kids, to come stay with us the last few weeks of the pregnancy so she can be here for the birth (yikes!!), and she is the one with the infamous box (full of mysterious things...). My parents, however, are hippies that didn't have kids until they were in their late 30's, so I'm expecting some kind of shock/confused reaction from them. However, the hippie side hopefully will be super helpful in counteracting my MIL, who is totally mainstream with baby care and pregnancy.  I am expecting some full-on family drama when homebirth (gasp!), attachment parenting, breastfeeding on demand (in public?! with breasts?! unthinkable!), cosleeping, and DO NOT FEED MY CHILD JUNK come into the picture. My sister-in-law scheduled her induction to 'fit their schedule' because the baby was 2 days late. I am the silent observer, taking notes for the future. Sigh.

Me too! My MIL has been visiting, honestly, too much lately, and she's always talking about how she's going to take our child to Seattle, and do this and that with it, and I'm thinking, you're going to TAKE MY BABY???? To ANOTHER COUNTRY?? I DON'T THINK SO!  (And then I remind myself to calm down--it doesn't even exist yet!) I'm planning to UC, and I'm already anticipating my MIL freaking out.

Yup, damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't--everyone's always got an opinion about your life. I've got just as many about theirs. So I guess we all just have to be courageous and claim our own choices.

Please share the deodorant recipe!

[Azadehhast]

Originally Posted by habitat 

Self-identified feminists are why maternity leave exists! And lactivism is a feminist movement. The home-birthing / free-birthing movements are feminist! The large portion of youth-rights advocacy has been done by feminists, or other women who have (wittingly or not) benefitted from their efforts in policy. Granted, not every person involved in these movements identify as feminists, but these movements exist and will continue to exist because of the feminism's existence. The concept that women can give birth by the power of their own bodies is a very feminist concept. Midwives do radically feminist work, even within the framework of patriarchy. Sometimes midwifery is the only sign of feminism within a anti-feminist fascist state.

Without feminists, we'd have no choice but to give birth in male-owned hospitals, by male doctors. Without feminists, we wouldn't be allowed to make any of the choices regarding the care of our children. Public policy would be entirely male-run and families would be male-owned. Feminists didn't just fight long and hard for the *right to vote*. In doing so, they changed policy to have a concern for the respect of mothers. They fought long and hard to be able to participate in family choices. Until feminism, women were property and had no right to any financial means, even in case of emergency or the death of their spouse. Until feminism, women were not legally allowed to protect their children without the consent of their husbands or male law-makers. Her children were always the property of her husband, to do with as he sees fit. He could send them to boarding schools or orphanages, and often did. He could abuse them or discipline them as harshly as he wanted. Single mothers or widowed mothers were completely ostracized. I have the right, under law, to have a baby the way I know is right (as a SMBC) only because feminists (female and male) fought for that right. And "boy", am I glad!

It was feminism that changed this, which is why I'm absolutely terrified that so many mothers are anti-feminism. 

Feminism is not about forcing mothers to join the work-force. It's about recognizing them as equals and capable of making their own decisions about what is right for them, in the context of their situation. What feminism seems to be, according to some (popular, apparently) sources and what it actually is and has done for mothers are two very different things. Feminism is not anti-male/anti-men or anti mother/father. Feminism is pro-family, and recognizes the mother as central to, or at least an equal in, that family. Not to mention society at large.

 Yes yes yes!

Also, these names sound like 1940s movie star names! Love 'em!

[oiseau]

The deodorant recipe is super easy: 1T unrefined shea butter, 1T coconut oil, 1T baking soda, 1T cornstarch plus a few drops of essential oil (I do tea tree and lavender). I recently discovered that you can get the unrefined shea butter from Amazon (my previous stock came from a guy selling it out of a giant nut shell/seed pod thing at a street fair) and the rest of the ingredients can be found at pretty much any grocery store. I just smash all the ingredients together with a fork until well blended.

I think the label "feminist" is pretty misunderstood and misused. I like to simply think of it as someone who thinks women have equal rights as men. It seems like the word has acquired so many other (sometimes negative) connotations in general use.

I like those names! Ruby, Wren and Olive are my favorite ones that show up on your list! habitat...do you find it easier to come up with girl names than boy names? I'm gonna be so stumped if/when I have a boy baby that requires a name. I realized last week that the name Quil, like NPR's correspondant Quil Lawrence is a pretty cool boy name. I really like Leo but it's 1. maybe too popular and 2. goes kinda bad with the last name my babies will get. We'll see.

[Azadehhast]

Quil is a great boy name--because you're right, boys are hard.

I've been thinking of names like Nadia, Sasha, and Shirin (Farsi for "sweet") for girls, and hippy-dippy names like Cedar, Leaf (my friend's boy's name), and River for boys. There just aren't many creative boys names, ones that haven't been used billions of times.

[habitat]

Originally Posted by oiseau 

I like those names! Ruby, Wren and Olive are my favorite ones that show up on your list! habitat...do you find it easier to come up with girl names than boy names? I'm gonna be so stumped if/when I have a boy baby that requires a name. I realized last week that the name Quil, like NPR's correspondant Quil Lawrence is a pretty cool boy name. I really like Leo but it's 1. maybe too popular and 2. goes kinda bad with the last name my babies will get. We'll see.

Oiseau, thanks! Actually, I'm trying to shoot for androgynous ("unisex") names, but I do really delight in "girl" names, so a few of them go onto my list (I'm very sneaky). I definitely can commiserate on the frustrating challenge that is "boy names". They tend to be no-frills and no-whimsy, because, well, god forbid! Pretty sad. My business is called Run, Tallulah. Tallulah is one of my all-time favorite names and I just had to use it, but I don't want my baby's name to be too gendered, so I gave it to my consulting service! I'm sick of feeling like if I have to name a boy, I'd want a "good, strong name"... you know, to shape the kind of all-weather, no-tears soldier I expect him to be (insert sarcastic tone and body language)! If faced with naming a male baby, there's a good chance-in-heck that the name will be on the more "feminine" side of things than one might expect, which I sure think never hurt anyone... but, after all, I am a feminist.

Here are the names on the list that I consider androgynous:

Wren

Olive

Ainsley

Asa

Glenn

Hart

Tate

Adoh

Grey / Gray

Ashen

Rainer

Hart

Lynn

Esa

Nodd

I would feel good using any of those names for whatever sex. 

I also really love Quil! What a great name! It reminds me of Quinn, which I also love, but like many good names, it's been stolen by TV (the elder normy sister on MTV's Daria. *Sigh*. That show saved me). 

Azadehhast, my favorites of yours are Sasha and River. Love! I have a weakness for the name River. But I do know a few boys with that name that are kind of close to me, so no Run, River for me. I really love "hippy-dippy names"!! My mother and grandmother love to tell the tale of my distant cousins, named Marigold, Violet, Sweet Pea, Glad Today and Sunshine. They always mention it when I talk about having a baby, because they love to connect me with some kind of romantic hippy-dom and are very pleased to point out that I have so much in common with these people (who are also supposedly kind of "crazy" and "dirty"). The sixties are so not my era, as names go, but I do love nature names like Fern, River, Raven and Lily. I may even adore Violet, but that's totally a secret. Don't tell my mom. 

[oiseau]

I majorly love Daria (the show..the name is just ok!)!! My fiance and I dressed as Daria and Trent for Halloween one year. I've already got the brainy scarcasm/brown hair/glasses thing going and with the addition of some black hair spray and a sharpie tattoo, he was an excellent Trent! I was so happy when they released all the seasons of Daria on DVD/iTunes last year!

I actually had a good guy friend in HS named Quinn, so I think of him when I think of the name Quinn. Quinn Morgendorffer is a close second though.

Wren is one of our top girl names since I used to do fieldwork with wrens. I went to school with a guy Renn, so I could see that going either way. I had a guy student named Asa who was awesome and I knew a guy Rainer (german exchange student at my HS). Olive makes me think of Little Miss Sunshine. Lynn is my middle name, my god-daughter's middle name and my uncle's middle name. I like your list though and I like the androgynous name idea. I'm not much of a fan of super girly names like Isabella or Alexia or stuff like that.

I will say, it's nice that we have so many pets because it's easy to give the more out-there names to them. The names I'm not quite brave enough to give to a child! I've been enjoying the thread in the I'm Pregnant forum about names you're too chicken to give to your child. There are some good ones on there!

[stardogs]

oiseau I do the same thing with pet names!  Our current critters are 3.14159 (aka Pi, our cat), and Ziva, Kestrel, and Aerten for the dogs. :)

I have a file on my computer for baby names!  DH wants to avoid "hippy-dippy" (looove that phrase lol) names, so that does constrain me a bit, and he's very much into more traditional boys' names, but I think I might get him to flex some if I can find masculine, yet more unusual names.

BOY

Justin

Forrest

Andrew

Tyler

Jaren

Caden

Ethan

Garrett

Blake

Orion

Noah

Malcolm

Cyrus

Ryan

GIRL

Kya Lyn

Kiara Esther

Grace

Lyra

Gwen

Calla

Kaia

Leia

Wren

Adria

Fiona

BOTH

Mika/Mikah/Micah

Tru

[Azadehhast]

How do you say "Adoh"? I'm intrigued!

[habitat]

'a-doh   -  Accent on A like apple, then doh, like dough. 

Stardogs, great names! I like Blake and Jarren and Calla and Grace the best! Miley Cyrus just bugs me too much to ever consider the name Cyrus, though I really would love it otherwise.

[oiseau]

My future BIL's name is Jaren but spelled differently. I also knew/worked with a guy names Jaron a few summers ago. Cool name!

[KaylaBeanie]

Wow, long time no see ladies! I've been enthralled with the conversation at hand, about it being "weird" according to society to actively plan years in advance for children. I actually just posted on Facebook about this the other day. For some reason, it's considered bad in our society to actively look forward to parenting and if, god forbid, you say something like "I can't wait to someday have children" people instantly assume you're looking for a guy to latch onto NOW to reproduce with. I would bet that there are also guys out there who look forward to marriage and children, but they're taught even moreso to never bring it up. The way I see it, I'm almost 22 years old. Now, anthropologists have found homo sapien skeletons dating back 200,000 years and it's only been the past 50 years where you don't get married (or partnered back in the stone ages) between ages 15-20. Biologically speaking, I should have a partner and at least one child by now. Of course my body is screaming at me every time I see a baby, of course it's something that occupies my mind frequently...that's nature doing it's job!

Plus, why should we be ashamed by planning? Choosing to bring a child into the world is a huge decision, and the fact that so many people take it lightly is awful. I want to be as prepared as humanly possible long before having kids. I want to know everything about birth, caring for an infant, disciplining a toddler, interacting with a child that I can before experiencing it. I know that actually having a child will blow my mind and there is no way I can imagine what it feels like, but at least I'll be partially armed. Plus, I always think how great my pregnancies will be. I won't have to research things, because I've already done the research. I know I'll homebirth, and if a legitimate emergency arises I know I'll transfer for a c-section and then HBAC with future kids. I know I'll nurse 2+ years, and I'll network ahead of time to make sure I have support and donor milk if any issues arrive. I know I won't circumcise, I know I'll cloth diaper, I know I won't vax for at least two years (if ever), I know I'll co-sleep, the list goes on. I think that's awesome! I will get to fully experience my pregnancy with no stresses or last minute research, and that makes me very happy because I think only having nine months to research everything parent-related would be stressful.

As for feminism, I hate that it's so misconstrued. I am (like all women should be) a staunch feminist. I believe men and women should have equal opportunities to choose their life path. I want to see a world where dads stay home with their kids shame-free and take their wife's last name while the wife has a high power career, a world where men and women are paid equally and gender stereotypes are gone. Wanting to be a mother doesn't make me less of a feminist. To be honest, if I found my DP tomorrow, I'd marry him right after my college graduation, immediately start a family and then start midwifery school once my kids were in school. To me, that would be an amazing life. At the end of my life, am I really going to wish I'd had a high-power job and more money? Or will I rejoice at the time I spent raising my kids, dancing in the kitchen with my husband, catching babies for my fellow women? It's not hard to decide.

[calpurnia7]

Hello All,

In a couple of months (after I participate in a 21-mile race), I will be going off of the NuvaRing and starting to try for a baby.  Because of the ridiculous number of nieces and nephews we have, both of us know that babies truly, drastically, wonderfully, but frighteningly change your life.  I'm trying to prepare us both.  Not a single person in our immediate family has had a lick of trouble getting pregnant, so while I'm realistic and know it could take a while, we want to be ready for a bun to start baking right away!  There's a lot I need to research, a lot that I don't know.  For example, when I went in for my check-in with the gyno, she said that you should not stop preventing pregnancy until you've been off of hormonal contraceptives for two months because the lining of your uterus might be too thin to successfully carry a baby to term. 

So here's what I'm wondering:

-How do you know if attachment parenting is right for you?  My husband and I really love our sleep and have trouble sharing the bed with our pets - while the family bed makes sense through the first at least year, how is it done?  I need my space.  I also need my privacy with my hubby you know, for the things that will bring said child in the first place.  Is that crazy and selfish?

-I hear that breastfeeding hurts.  I've run marathons so I think I can hack it, but I have friends with unbelievable pain tolerances who couldn't hack it.  How does one push through the difficult part and successfully nurse?  Not nursing is not an option.  The baby needs milk, sorry not giving my baby some powdered stuff that you reconstitute in water.  I wouldn't drink that, I don't expect my baby to.  I do have several friends who have successfully nursed and said that it didn't hurt that bad.

-Home birth, birthing center, or hospital?  The hospitals where I live are very tolerant of patients' wants and needs, but there are several new birthing centers that are supposed to be state of the art.  I love the idea of being in a luxurious suite with a bed that my husband can actually lay in and sleep with me.  Should I want to go to a doctor during pregnancy?  I'm a big fan of a birthing center and having a midwife, but I don't know anyone who hasn't had their baby in a hospital.

-Apparently I should start taking prenatals.  I refuse to get a prescription because that is ridic.  Any recommendations?

-What else should I be wondering?

[oiseau]

Hi Kayla! Glad to see you back!! I'm right there with you...I will never regret being a busy career woman with a high-powered job, even just a job with moderate amounts of responsibility. The only "job" I want where I'd be the boss is being a mom! I don't think that makes me any less of a feminist than some super fancy female CEO or something. There's more to feminism than just having an important career.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Life has been crazy hectic at my house in both good ways (my fiance got his dream job this week! yay!!) and bad ways (apparently my apartment was never deemed totally legal by the county and as such, I no longer have a stove and have to move :-( ). I started a new summer job as, essentially, a surrogate mama to orphaned wildlife. I guess I can take all the mothering practice I can get...I'm sure there must be some shared experience between mothering a human baby and a squirrel baby or an opossum baby!