Not Mama Yet Tribe Winter/Spring 2011!! - Page 4

[monkeyscience]

Calpurnia - Random collection of (potential) answers to your questions:

-Co-sleeping - I am thinking I might want to go side-car crib style - the baby is sort of in bed with you, sort of not. Something like this.

-Breastfeeding - my understanding is that it's not supposed to hurt too much if you/your babe are doing it right. So if it hurts, you should be getting some help from a lactation consultant.

-I have gone the rounds with myself on hospital/birth center/homebirth, and have come a long way from where I used to be. I think the most important thing is that you birth somewhere *you* feel safe. Feeling scared because of your surroundings can mess up your ability to labor. Different people feel safe in different places. I would definitely visit the potential birthing locations and go with the one that *feels* right to you.

-Vitamins: I take Just Once Prenatal One vitamins, but I have no real reason for saying they're any better/worse than anything else. I haven't tried anything else. Though now that we're about to ramp up the TTC, I'm thinking I should get some fish oil from somewhere.

As far as me... we will be starting fertility treatments in about 2 weeks. Fingers crossed it works the first time. We originally thought we could only afford one medicated cycle for now, but since I went to the dentist today and (surprisingly) didn't have any cavities, maybe we could afford two rounds?

[calpurnia7]

monkeyscience, thanks for the advice!  good luck with your treatments, i'll definitely keep my fingers crossed for you. 

[Azadehhast]

Oh, all my happy wishes to you, monkeyscience, with TTC and fertility treatments!

Oiseau, your living situation sounds completely nuts! Hopefully it's resolved soon.

Mamas, it would seem that the baby-bearing goddesses have shined upon me. (Hopefully it's not tempting fate to say so!) I really thought, no way could it happen this cycle, since I had my IUD removed two days before ovulation. But alas! I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, and I'm ever so anxiously waiting to test. Ever so anxiously.

Are any of you car-free, and planning to remain so once you've got little ones? We are now, and will probably be for the first while, and MIL thinks it's an impossible choice. We bicycle, walk, and bus. She says, you don't want to deal with a vomiting baby on your bicycle--and I'm thinking, isn't that LOTS easier than in a car? Once there's vomit on the seats, they smell FOREVER! But a hose will quickly clean off a bicycle seat. 

[Azadehhast]

Originally Posted by Azadehhast 

Mamas, it would seem that the baby-bearing goddesses have shined upon me. (Hopefully it's not tempting fate to say so!) I really thought, no way could it happen this cycle, since I had my IUD removed two days before ovulation. But alas! I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, and I'm ever so anxiously waiting to test. Ever so anxiously.

Yes! BFP BFP BFP!!!  

[oiseau]

Congrats!!! YAY!!!

[monkeyscience]

Awesome!! Sprinkle some baby dust on me, please.

[KaylaBeanie]

Ladies, I'm thinking of getting my IUD taken out and when I do enter a relationship, relying on condoms and NFP. Thoughts? My periods are brutal and I'm so sick of it. Plus, I do worry it might affect my fertility. Does anyone here chart (either TTC or TTA)?

[oiseau]

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie 

Ladies, I'm thinking of getting my IUD taken out and when I do enter a relationship, relying on condoms and NFP. Thoughts? My periods are brutal and I'm so sick of it. Plus, I do worry it might affect my fertility. Does anyone here chart (either TTC or TTA)?

Hey Kayla-I used to chart and I still rely somewhat on fertility signs + condoms. I think it's a great way to go because it doesn't involve anything artificial entering my body (hormone or an IUD). I tried the pill for awhile several years ago and it ended up being a bad idea for me (made my depression worse) so I've stayed away from hormonal birth control since then.

I got a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility a few years ago and I think it should be required reading for all women (and probably all men too....at least the ones having sex with women!). I was amazed how much I learned about my body that I didn't know. I honestly felt somewhat cheated and angry that I was in my mid-20's before I learned some pretty basic stuff about my fertility. I like charting and found it to be pretty hassle-free. I don't know that I ever got too skilled at interpreting my chart, but there are tons of ladies on MDC and other sites who would have gladly helped had I asked. I stopped charting after a prolonged illness a couple years ago when I was spiking fevers all the time which made my charts pretty useless. I got lazy after I got better and never picked it back up and I've been sick off and on since then and the fevers just mess things up too much. (That and I have insomnia which means I can almost never reliably wake up at the same time every morning after a guaranteed 3 hrs of sleep to get accurate temps).

All that having been said, there's more to charting than just temps, so when I say I loosely chart, I mean that I pay attention to the other fertility signs (mainly cervical mucous and position), so I have a pretty good idea what my body is doing. I keep meaning to try to get back in the habit of temping as well at some point before TTC...

I'd say give it a try!

[monkeyscience]

I do chart (at least the temperature part), and am TTC, but since I have PCOS, all charting has established for me is that I haven't ovulated in well over a year.   So I don't really use it for timing sex one way or the other. I'm starting ovulation induction today, though, so I do plan to try to track my other fertility signs more, as well, since I think they might actually change!

I do know quite a few people who swear by NFP, but I also know people with surprise NFP babies, so I think that you have to be either a.) super strict with the rules (and know them well), or b.) prepared to take a chance with having a baby.

Of course, there's also the whole issue of STIs, so until you are sure that that isn't an issue with a new partner, I would think you'd want to use condoms all the time, anyway. Just my .

[Cyllya]

Three of my great-aunts, whom no one around here as seen in at least 20 years, came down to visit this week. So my mom threw a sort of family reunion. I realized that almost all of my grandmother's grandchildren (I don't know how many there are, but she has six kids, so it's a lot) have children. I think my and my younger cousins-turned-siblings, who are still 13 and 14, are the only exceptions. She's even a great-great-grandmother recently, since my cousin's daughter had a kid. I've been struggling with feeling "behind" due to not having had kids and other life milestones yet, and that drove the feeling in a little harder. :/ Granted, most of the ones who had kids had them by accident before turning 18, so I shouldn't feel bad....

There were some parenting arguments going on, but I didn't hear anybody arguing for anything I'd agree with. :(

Wow, long time no see ladies! I've been enthralled with the conversation at hand, about it being "weird" according to society to actively plan years in advance for children. I actually just posted on Facebook about this the other day. For some reason, it's considered bad in our society to actively look forward to parenting and if, god forbid, you say something like "I can't wait to someday have children" people instantly assume you're looking for a guy to latch onto NOW to reproduce with. I would bet that there are also guys out there who look forward to marriage and children, but they're taught even moreso to never bring it up. The way I see it, I'm almost 22 years old. Now, anthropologists have found homo sapien skeletons dating back 200,000 years and it's only been the past 50 years where you don't get married (or partnered back in the stone ages) between ages 15-20. Biologically speaking, I should have a partner and at least one child by now. Of course my body is screaming at me every time I see a baby, of course it's something that occupies my mind frequently...that's nature doing it's job!

To make that even more extreme, in recent centuries the age of sexual maturity has been getting younger and younger, so all else being equal, we'd be having kids younger.

Off hand, I know of one culture (Mongolian Empire) where the typical marriage age was 12. I wonder how many of them were physically capable of bearing children at that age. Maybe they were married so young so that they could get used to adult life before having a child?

So here's what I'm wondering:

-How do you know if attachment parenting is right for you?  My husband and I really love our sleep and have trouble sharing the bed with our pets - while the family bed makes sense through the first at least year, how is it done?  I need my space.  I also need my privacy with my hubby you know, for the things that will bring said child in the first place.  Is that crazy and selfish?

Nighttime parenting is a troubling one for me. I feel like, regardless of where the baby is sleeping, if it wakes up and cries/fusses, you should go to it and try to comfort it. It just feels wrong not to (and at some point it becomes unhealthy not to). But with that parent philosophy, how are you ever supposed to have sex?!

I tend to do a lot of tossing and turning before I can sleep, so I feel like having the baby on the bed with me won't be a good idea. But then I keep imagining a scenario where I'm super tired but the baby reeeeaaaally wants to be held, and the obvious solution to that is to snuggle the baby while I sleep (in a bed). So maybe I should just be prepared for five possible sleeping arrangements, lol.

I guess I can take all the mothering practice I can get...I'm sure there must be some shared experience between mothering a human baby and a squirrel baby or an opossum baby!

Ooh, I thought of one: cleaning up poo! And other such things! The more poop/pee/vomit/blood/etc you clean up now, the less it'll bother you later! 

[oiseau]

Regarding cultures with young marriage/child-bearing trends, I wonder how much of that could be related to a shorter life span in general. Like, if you're only going to live to the age of 40 or 50, would that help drive a trend to get married and have kids at an earlier age. (Or, could having kids at a younger age cause shorter life spans??)

Cyllya- On my mom's side of the family, my brother and I are the only grandkids who haven't had kids of our own yet. My cousins are about the same age as my brother and I and between the 3 of them, they have 10 babies(!). The first of the 10 great-grandkids was born when my cousin (his mom) and I were both 17. I was so sad the day he was born because I knew that even though, statistically, we'd have both been teen moms, I could probably have done a much better job raising him (that is, without drinking, drugs, lots of men in and out of his life, etc.). I sometimes feel like I'm way behind in the baby-making game, but I'm glad to have graduated high school and college and I will be able to provide a relatively stable home for my kids.

The other side of the family (my dad's side) has no great-grandkids yet and it looks like it'll be a pretty close tie between my brother and I for producing the first one.

As for the squirrel mothering, at least human babies don't need their moms to lick their genitals to be able to pee/poo like baby squirrels do!!

[oiseau]

Originally Posted by calpurnia7 

Hello All,

In a couple of months (after I participate in a 21-mile race), I will be going off of the NuvaRing and starting to try for a baby.  Because of the ridiculous number of nieces and nephews we have, both of us know that babies truly, drastically, wonderfully, but frighteningly change your life.  I'm trying to prepare us both.  Not a single person in our immediate family has had a lick of trouble getting pregnant, so while I'm realistic and know it could take a while, we want to be ready for a bun to start baking right away!  There's a lot I need to research, a lot that I don't know.  For example, when I went in for my check-in with the gyno, she said that you should not stop preventing pregnancy until you've been off of hormonal contraceptives for two months because the lining of your uterus might be too thin to successfully carry a baby to term. 

So here's what I'm wondering:

-How do you know if attachment parenting is right for you?  My husband and I really love our sleep and have trouble sharing the bed with our pets - while the family bed makes sense through the first at least year, how is it done?  I need my space.  I also need my privacy with my hubby you know, for the things that will bring said child in the first place.  Is that crazy and selfish?

-I hear that breastfeeding hurts.  I've run marathons so I think I can hack it, but I have friends with unbelievable pain tolerances who couldn't hack it.  How does one push through the difficult part and successfully nurse?  Not nursing is not an option.  The baby needs milk, sorry not giving my baby some powdered stuff that you reconstitute in water.  I wouldn't drink that, I don't expect my baby to.  I do have several friends who have successfully nursed and said that it didn't hurt that bad.

-Home birth, birthing center, or hospital?  The hospitals where I live are very tolerant of patients' wants and needs, but there are several new birthing centers that are supposed to be state of the art.  I love the idea of being in a luxurious suite with a bed that my husband can actually lay in and sleep with me.  Should I want to go to a doctor during pregnancy?  I'm a big fan of a birthing center and having a midwife, but I don't know anyone who hasn't had their baby in a hospital.

-Apparently I should start taking prenatals.  I refuse to get a prescription because that is ridic.  Any recommendations?

-What else should I be wondering?

Hey Calpurnia-I never had a chance to respond to your questions, so I thought I'd answer them to the best of my ability since I have time today!

1. I am of the feeling that you need to follow your gut when it comes to parenting. I think there are a lot of different philosophies out there with good and bad things about them and you just have to pick and choose what is the best fit for your particular family. So for example, even though AP is big on co-sleeping, if you know that you won't be able to sleep with a baby in your bed, find a solution that works best for you...maybe a crib side-carred to the bed or a co-sleeper/bassinet in the room, where your baby is close, but not right there with you in the bed. I don't think it's crazy or selfish!! You just have to do what is best for YOUR family!

2. Of course I have no experience, but from what I've read, in general, it seems like if it hurts, you or the baby is doing something wrong and in that case, I'd call in the experts (lactation consultants) to try to fix the problem. I also wonder though, if some pain/discomfort is inevitable, especially in the beginning. I'm with you though, not nursing is not an option (unless is proves physically impossible due to my prior cancer treatment). I'm just planning to go into it prepared to do whatever I have to to nurse my babies (I've read some stories about crazy stuff moms have nursed through and I'm just telling myself that if they can do it, there's no reason I can't do it too). And if it's just not possible, I'd turn to milk-share/milk banks before I went to formula.

3. Again, find what's the best fit for you and your husband. Go with your gut...If you'd feel best in a hospital, especially if there are good ones near you, go for it. If homebirth is what you really  want, then go for that. A birth center/midwife would also be a good happy medium. I think there's a lot of judgement/shaming towards new parents and that really sucks. No one should be made to feel bad for making the best choices for themselves and their families.

4. I don't have a good answer for the prenatal question. I did look into whole food based vitamins at one time, but I can't remember what I came up with. I would ask over in the TTC forum and see what the ladies there have to say! I just know that whole food based vitamins are better than your typical drugstore vitamins. I agree that an rx would be ridiculous though!!

Best wishes and welcome to the NMY tribe!!

[knittinanny]

Hi everyone! It's been a long long while since I've been around here. A crazy lot of things happened in my life (separated from my partner of 13 years, did lots and lots of yoga and meditating and recovered from the trauma of separation and all that comes with it , moved to a new house with brand-new housemates, started a PhD, met a lovely gentleman , started a baking business, helped two different friends move to different countries, moved house again...). I was spending an unhealthy amount of time on MDC during the demise of my previous relationship imagining my life as I wanted it rather than getting off the internet and making my Happy Life happen. I'm feeling like I want to be around here some now that things are a lot better in my life, but not as much as before. 

All of the baby-talk has been put off indefinitely - I've been with the Lovely Gentleman for about 9 months, and we're really, really not in a place to be talking about future children yet. He's known me for a long time so knows that I was about to start TTC when ex-DP and I split up, and he knows that having a family is important to me (as it is to him as well). I have a lot going on with work, school, and the bakery, and he's in the midst of doing a lot of work to deal with lingering feelings around his mother's death some time ago and to learn how to live healthily with his OCD and depression. If something should happen and I fell pregnant, we'd deal with it, but as much as I want a family I know that right now isn't the time. We're both taking it slow, and it feels a lot healthier for me. 

I feel like such a different person than I was when I was spending lots of time on MDC before - in a good way! Glad some of y'all are still around these parts! 

[monkeyscience]

Wow... PhD and bakery?? That is a lot! (Not to mention new relationship!) What is your PhD in?

[KaylaBeanie]

I've noticed the same thing...when I'm bored with life, or unhappy, I throw myself into daydreaming about my "perfect" life. No harm in it, but it's easy to get in and stay bored/unhappy for a long time, especially when life doesn't end up how you think it "should" be!

I always thought I'd get married young, have a big family. Thankfully, I've grown and my life has changed. Even if I met the love of my life tomorrow, I couldn't get married until I finish school, which is when Im 26-27. I've decided for a variety of reasons (financial partly, mostly moral) that I'll only have two kids and, assuming I have no issues TTC, they'll be 2.5ish years apart so that I can get them into school and go back to work without taking 10+ years off. Therefore, I feel like it's more beneficial to daydream about having my kids in my early 30's so that I have the best of both worlds; freedom to travel the world in my 20's while still not being an "old" mom. Of course, life happens how it happens, but I no longer mourn the loss of my young, AP mom dreams. I'll just be an awesome, fashionable, worldly 30-something AP mama :)

Ladies, assuming all goes well, I will be living in Wales for the 2012-2013 school year!!! Eep, so excited. Here's hoping my future DH is there...I love accents, and I am dying to get dual citizenship in the UK. I'm a city gal, and while most people dream of LA or NYC, I daydream about London. 

Also, I have found THE name for my firstborn daughter. I always knew I wanted to name my first DD Isabel Dian, after my great-grandma. However, Twilight happened and I never found a name that I felt all warm and fuzzy about, until I was rereading "A Great and Terrible Beauty" while the royal wedding was going on. Philippa Dian, Pippa for short. LOVE. Part of me wants a baby now solely to use that name, haha.

[knittinanny]

Kayla, what will you be doing in Wales? If you make it into London I'd be happy to take you for a pint/tea! Where will you be studying?

Monkey - the PhD is in American Studies. I'm writing about cohabitative religious communities in post-suburban America. :-)

[monkeyscience]

Wow... that is... I don't have the right word. But it sounds interesting. Could you give some examples of what you're talking about? I'm curious!!

Also, I totally feel you on the living vicariously through MDC. I spent a ton of time here in my last year or so of university, when I was painfully single and feeling like it would never end. I only really came back after I got married and TTC became real.

[KaylaBeanie]

Originally Posted by knittinanny 

Kayla, what will you be doing in Wales? If you make it into London I'd be happy to take you for a pint/tea! Where will you be studying?

Monkey - the PhD is in American Studies. I'm writing about cohabitative religious communities in post-suburban America. :-)

I'm planning on spending as much time in London as possible, so that would be fantastic! I'll be in Aberystwyth. I cannot wait! I was born in the wrong country, it feels like heading home 
 

[aquarius aspiring]

Hi, everyone. Resident drifter checking in.

Is anyone here a little on the fence about having kids? I go back and forth about every six months. Right now, I'm in kid mode. Not necessarily baby crazy, but more ready to start having kids than I have been before. That seems to be my pattern. Every time the pendulum swings back towards me wanting kids, I feel a little more ready to have a baby.

Thank you for "listening".

Edited by aquarius aspiring - 3/26/12 at 5:21pm

[KaylaBeanie]

Originally Posted by aquarius aspiring 

Hi, everyone. Resident drifter checking in.

Is anyone here a little on the fence about having kids? I go back and forth about every six months. Right now, I'm in kid mode. Not necessarily baby crazy, but more ready to start having kids than I have been before. That seems to be my pattern. Every time the pendulum swings back towards me wanting kids, I feel a little more ready to have a baby.

My husband, on the other hand, is almost neutral about having kids and he says he's not ready anyway. I can completely understand that, but what I don't get is that he never wants to talk about a future family. I always have to bring the topic up first. I don't want to be annoying and talk about it all the time like I did when we were dating. I think about things like living on one income when we do have a baby and I'd want to be a SAHM. He doesn't think that far ahead. He likes to take things one at a time. I know I have to be patient and we will start TTC in a few years, but I get frustrated sometimes.

What's got me thinking about kids even more than usual is my co-worker who is six months pregnant. She wants to return to work after taking maternity leave, which I can totally see her doing. She's not the type to be a SAHM. I think about what I would do and I know that if my husband made what her husband makes, I'd be a SAHM in a heartbeat. Yesterday, I heard her talking to her mom on the phone about her pregnancy and I became so jealous that she's pregnant and sad that I'm not. It didn't help that I read an article the other day about being infertile at the age of 29 (my age!).

Thank you for "listening".

Absolutely. Lately I'm so busy that I barely have time to shower, so kids have been far from my mind. However, I'm also young and single, so take what I say with a grain of salt