Introducing myself to the boards

[thatgirliknew]

Hi! 21 year old momma of DD (13 months) and DS (4 years which is not his child). I was with DH for about 3.5 years and only married one. I recently decided to leave him because I am emotionally abused. I am tired of constantly being yelled at, threatened, belittled, etc.

I had a plan on how I was going to do this, lol. Gradually move my things out in order of non-importance (decorations, future clothes, etc first and our clothes, diapers, hygiene items, etc last) which I had been doing under the ruse (Sp?) of decluttering. And then one day when he was gone I was going to get all the super important things which was going to be one carload and then go directly downtown to file an EPO.

Not how it went down at all. I was taking him to a friend's house for a party. The party ended up being cancelled because his friends gf was in the ICU. But we didn't know that at the time and I said one thing about how it sucks his friends are not more reliable (I thought he was just bailing on him) He started yelling, cussing at me, calling me names and I told him that he needed to calm down and it was fine for him to disagree with me, but not to disrespect me like that, ESPECIALLY with the kids in the car. I drove him home, handed him the house key and told him I was going to drop some stuff off at my sister's right then. (Which I was just gonna go ahead and do the EPO). He refused to get out of the car anyway and he was still ranting getting more profane and disrespectful and telling me not to say a word to him ever again. So I didn't know what to do since he wouldn't get out and both of my kids were in the car asleep. He started telling me that if I didn't like the way he talks to me that I should leave him, but if I left him it wouldn't be with my daughter in my arms and I would never see her again.

I drive to my sister's house and go inside really quick and explain what's going on. They go outside and get the kids from the car and tell him I am staying here for the night, would he like a ride home? He starts yelling, cussing, threatening. Police get called, they say there is nothing they can do today, but they gave him a ride home. They told me first thing in the morning to get an EPO.

I know I just wrote a novel, but it feels good to write about it. I'm nervous and scared. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 4 and haven't been able to get back to sleep. I am leaving to do the EPO in about 2 hours. My concerns are that since there has not been any physical abuse they won't issue an EPO/DVO. And if they don't do that, there is nothing to stop him from taking my daughter and running off!

Anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes down.

[bananabee]

Definitely talk to a lawyer asap. He has already threatened to take your daughter and run. I would file for divorce asap, because once it's filed with the court, both parents are (in my state, at least) restrained legally from removing the children from the county or state. It would also be decided in a temporary agreement who gets primary physical custody, and if he wouldn't agree to you having it, the court could decide. It sounds like you would probably get physical custody. It sounds like a horrible situation, and I hope you get some legal help. Make sure you document, document, document.

[pupsnelda]

You must be proud of yourself! You have done the first step which is incredibly hard. Good luck for the next steps which you can do!!

[Chantelle691]

[thatgirliknew]

So an update. The police took him home that night, and I got a phone call at my sister's house at 7 AM from his mother saying he is leaving town. Since I waited until the morning and he was already on his way out of town, he was unable to get served with an EPO. He stopped payment on the rent check (the landlord told me if I got out before the 15th she would not evict me, but I was lucky because she could) cleared out the bank account, and punched holes in the walls of the apartment.

His mom called one other time to ask for login information for his unemployment since I did that for him, and the way she is talking is like he is coming back in two or three weeks. (He is about 200 or more miles away).

I meet with my lawyer on Wednesday and I'm filling for full custody on the basis of abandonment and abuse.

What do you ladies think my odds are?

[LorenaAZ]

I don't know what your odds are.  But wanted to post and congratulate you for being so strong and brave!!  

I can speculate that having done what he has (run off out of town, punching holes in walls, etc) can only help you in court! 

Let us know how your appointment goes with the lawyer. 

[blessingscome]

Document the damage with as many people as you can!  Document that the account was cleared out (get it official from the bank - notarized if possible) and document the damage with photos, with the landlord and possibly even with the police.