long time ec grad- has accidents, discovers the novelty of diapers

[mommatooth]

My dd of 38 m, has never been in diapers... and she hasn't missed the toilet with any regularity in nearly 2 years.  We have had a ton of changes in out life in the last 8 months- most of which started last may with a move/divorce.  From my perspective though, things have much more rhythm now and having her in preschool two mornings a week helps me stay focused on being the mother I hope I can be.  

So, when the accidents started, I sewed her some "special underwear"  nightime trainers basically- they worked for a while but I became very tired of washing our entire bed when they didn't- so I tried 7th gen pull-ups, no princesses nothing fancy, but still she is nobody's fool and soon realize that these new "special underwear" were pretty neat and defied the laws of physics.  I believe that some parents use the novelty of "big kid underwear" as part of the transition from diapers.  I have this feeling that the novelty of diapers is working the reverse on my child who has started having accidents all over the house.  Yesterday she came to me soaked in urine and just told me that she peed in her art center and I would have to clean it up- she had 2 other accidents that day in the same pretty collected manner.  It seems to me that these aren't "accidents" and maybe this is her experimenting with bladder control? or perhaps a by-product of releasing her bladder without feeling wet in the diapers at night  

I am not sure where to go from here however, she pees the bed every night now without fail and either I wash everything everyday or I order a case of diapers- she just seems too big for anything cloth to be effective. She also pees herself several times a day.  Usually I respond by just cleaning it up and asking her to please take care of her own body- get clean clothes, put dirty ones in hamper and not make a big production...but I know she can feel how frustrated/confused I am.  I can handle the day time stuff, but I am at a loss for what to do at night.  It seems that a bale of pampers is in our future and I feel sick just thinking about that waste - not to mention the $$  The last thing I want to do is make her feel bad about her body, but buying diapers grates against the very center of my ideals... and I have a hard time letting go of the 2+ years we have spent DRY!  

I don't know much about food allergies, but I will say that our diet has been pretty stable (there was a flux when we moved obviously, but that was 6+ months ago)  I know that the body is always changing and perhaps allergies can crop up.  I feel like this is behavioral though, it is just what my gut says. 

ok wise mommies, discuss :)

[mosomers]

I would agree that it certainly looks behavioral. I'll bet you're right that she's feeling your frustration and confusion and that emotional reaction is what she's going for. I did part time EC with my 2 year old and when we really went for it to get into underwear full time, my mantra was "pee goes in the potty" sans any emotion. That's the only thing I'd add to what you're already doing (though maybe you're already doing that?). I doubt she's experimenting with bladder control or reacting to how it feels to pee in the diapers. I'll bet it's more of a reaction to emotional stress she's feeling over what your family has been through in the last little while. Loves, cuddles, and assurances are probably going to be your best ticket to riding this out. And patience. Good luck to you!

[LaurenS]

I came to this forum with a similar problem. DS2 is 36 months and has recently started peeing in his pants or on the floor. He was out of diapers by 16 months and accident-free by 2. We had a new baby in October, so I guess that is why he is doing it. When I ask him why he does it, he just laughs. DH gets mad and talks to him sternly. I've asked DH to stop doing that. I have just said, please pee in the toilet. I try to say it without frustration in my voice. DS2 always replies, okay, but he is peeing on the floor everyday now. Sometimes he pees all over the floor in the bathroom. Today DH found a large cloth diaper and put it on him. I don't want to start using diapers, because I think he will just pee in those. And I too feel that we will lose all the dry time we had.

I am at a loss, so I guess I can only offer support. As for the night time, could you put a cloth chux pad under her? Because I can see where changing the sheets can get really old really fast. If you buy diapers, I think she will just pee in them. I imagine that eventually, without diapers, she will get tired of peeing on herself. I am trying to do more one on one with DS2. It isn't easy. DS1 has a big mouth and is always talking. He doesn't let anyone get a word in. And since we homeschool, he is almost always around. I am going to try to do as much one on one with DS2 and hope that this goes away soon. I did post a thread in another forum about this right before I saw your post, so if I get any good advice, I will come back and let you know.

Good luck.

[revolting]

LaurenS - My daughter was a grad at 18 months, and then when her new brother came at 35 months, she started having misses. At first, I was freaking out a bit: I was already overwhelmed with having two kids without the major regression. (She regressed in other areas, too.) I just kept her in underwear, cleaned up the mess, and started taking her to the potty, just like I did when she was little. When our kids are little and they start having misses, we see it as communication. When our kids are older and start having misses, it's still communication. For my daughter, she was clearly communicating: I may be almost three, but I am not quite done being a baby yet. So, even though she had been potty trained, I went back to ECing her (and wearing her and nursing her - though we did eventually nightwean again - which for us was an important part of getting the night under control; she was wkaing up to pee and nurse like a newborn - not doable for me). In new mom haze, I'm not exactly sure how long the misses lasted. At least a month. Maybe two. But they did go away once I started meeting the other needs.

[lisavark]

Another (maybe cheaper?) idea for the bed is bath towels with a fleece or wool blanket underneath. That's what I use with my 34-month-old daughter, and it keeps the sheets dry. (Although she only pees on the bed once every couple of weeks now, so usually I'm too lazy to worry about prepping for it and I end up just throwing a towel on TOP of the wet spot...it dries and I don't even bother washing the sheets...sorry, did I just gross you all out now? :) ) (She's been a daytime grad for about two years, too, and the nighttime thing has been almost there for so long that I don't even notice it anymore.) 

I love what revolting said, too. My DD has also peed on the floor a couple of times in the past few weeks for the first time in forever (no big changes in our lives to account for it, either, although she did have an ear infection so that could have been a factor), and I've started taking more initiative with her again as far as reminding her to listen to her body, and taking her when she's dancing around grabbing her crotch and insisting she doesn't need to go. (What's up with that?!? LOL)