Talk to me about sleep-overs for the 8-10 year old set

[HollyBearsMom]

My son is about 9.5 years old and in 3rd grade.  He has never been on nor have we ever hosted a sleepover. It had never occuured to me until recently. From a few reactions we have had our son is an exception.

Let me preface this with the fact he is an only.  We have no close (nearby) relatives so he hasn't even slept over at grammies/aunts/uncles/etc. With the exception of an overnight camping trip with our nanny we have never left him. Oh and we basically still co-sleep. When he does sleep in his own room he sleeps with the lights on.

So this past Friday he was playing at a friends and the mom calls to say they are having so much fun and are both clamoring for a sleepover. The mom was surprised when I said he had never been on one before because our son was being so enthusiastic.  So I get him on the phone and tell him of course he can stay and if he changes his mind at anytime we will come get him. I can tell he is a little hesitant and long story short he agrees to stay for dinner and longer play date but to come home after.

We talked more when he got home and he is obviously "ready" but wants to start by having someone sleepover at our house first.

So whats the protocol these days?  I am a late in life mom and back when I had sleepovers the caves were barely lit and the wheel was the hot new toy, LOL! Seriously I grew up in a small town where everyone shared a room with their siblings, there were no playrooms with the exception of the occasional basement with bean bag chairs and ping pong table, and we were all free range, leaving the house early to play outside until dark. Parental involvement in play time was non existent except at night when we would play cards or board games. Sleepovers were casual but were reserved for cousins and really close friends. This is so not the way kids around here are raised.

These are my questions:

• My son does have his own room with a queen size bed. Does his friend share the bed (like I did as a kid)? Does he bring a sleeping bag? Do I set up an air mattress?

• Is it a "special occasion" activity meaning regular rules don't apply ie: bedtimes; screen time etc

• How do I handle it if *my* son changes his mind half way thru?  I am thinking he realizes he can't come get in bed with us or his friends tell him he wants the lights out so he wants to back out. Do I support him and bring the other child home?  Do i encourage him to stick it out? Do I have them both bring their stuff into our room for a sleepover on the floor?

• anything else I need to know?

(i know this may seem silly or that I am over thinking it. If it is feel free to call me out on it!  )

[kittykat2481]

Hmmm... Thinking back to my own childhood sleepovers, and considering your DS's specific sleeping preferences, I think I would suggest camping out in the living room. Make a pallet on the floor, or even set up a small tent (or build a fort). You can camp out on the couch to provide comfort to your son, without making him self-concious or making the other child uncomfortable (ie sleeping in your room). I would loosen the rules. Have it on a non-school night so bedtime can be extended, and maybe let them rent a movie or play a special game. Growing up, a sleep over wouldn't have been as much fun if normal bedtimes/rules applied. Also, I always took a bath before or after and felt a little uncomfortable when the mom made us takes a bath. (Not together or anything, just that I was only used to doing that in my own house.) I realize that was part of their normal night time routine (as it was in my house too) but usually at sleepovers, those things were waived. Finally, I would really talk to your DS and let him know that if he decided to stay the night at someone's house, you would pick him up at any time that he changed his mind, but if he had a friend over to your house you're not going to kick the kid out at 2am when your son decided he wanted his own space back. Come up with a contingency plan for that (DS can go sleep in his own bed and friend can sleep on his floor or something).

[HappyMommy2]

I am dreading this too, but here is what I am thinking.

Def. start with OUR house.

Sleeping bags and air mattresses in the living room.

Screen time & bed time rules totally out the window.  Big batch of popcorn, and movie marathon to fall asleep to.

[mumm]

• My son does have his own room with a queen size bed. Does his friend share the bed (like I did as a kid)? Does he bring a sleeping bag? Do I set up an air mattress?

Ask the kids what they want.  My son (young 10, 4th grade) has some friends who share his double bed and some who sleep on a mattress next to his bed.  My son's bed is just inches off the floor and we pull in a double mattress from another room if that is what the other kid wants.  The closer the friend, the more willing they usually are to share.  I imagine this will change as they get older.  I too shared a twin bed with my friends, even into high school!

• Is it a "special occasion" activity meaning regular rules don't apply ie: bedtimes; screen time etc

I think it all depends on how often it is going to occur!  When my kid has multiple kids sleeping over they sleep on camp pads in the living room and they watch tv much later than I could ever stand.  They know what they can/can't watch and I go to bed.  If there are multiple kids I tend to make popcorn and have a decent breakfast ready to go, not just oatmeal or cold cereal.

• How do I handle it if *my* son changes his mind half way thru?  I am thinking he realizes he can't come get in bed with us or his friends tell him he wants the lights out so he wants to back out. Do I support him and bring the other child home?  Do i encourage him to stick it out? Do I have them both bring their stuff into our room for a sleepover on the floor?
•  

He won't change his mind at his house!  I really can't imagine it.  My son sleeps in my room every night unless he has a friend sleep over.  When I get up during the night with my other kids, he follows along because he is too scared to be in a room at night.  He can't go to sleep at night unless someone else is in the room with him.  But with friends- he is good.  He does need to sleep in the middle and the kids do argue about lightness/darkness, etc but they tend to figure it out.

• anything else I need to know?

Have fun!  I think of all the nights I slept poorly because other kids were in the house.  And I've never had a problem.  During the summer we have someone sleeping over about 2-3 times a week and my kid is gone once or twice.  I really don't see the appeal of it since most of the time they really are just sleeping, kwim?  I sleep just fine now!  I'm going to save the worry for when they can drive! 

[Tigerchild]

I have only dealt with girly sleepovers, but my boys are clamoring for a boy sleepover so I'm sure that's in my future soon.  :)

IME and from what I remember, the kids want to camp out on the floor together.  Why, I don't know.  For DD's birthday I even got out the trundle bed mattresses for her two friends and all three of them just wanted me to take them out so they could sleep on the floor. LOL, whatever.

We do relax the sleeptime rules a bit.  Midnight seems to be the norm.  ONe parent (not me) did let the girls stay up until whenever, and they all acted like they were hung over (gravelly voices and everything) and it took them more than a day to recover.  Midnight seems to be fine.  :)

I took the girls out to a movie since it was DD's birthday, typically they would have rented a couple of movies to watch or have on in the background while they were doing crafty things.  I assume boys might like to watch movies or play games or do stuff like that.

I encourage the kids to call home at bedtime unless the parent says not to or they've brought their own phones.  I also ask the guests if they would like to keep one of the cordless phones in the room.  My DD seems to be the last of her group that wants to call to say goodnight every time, but none of the parents or kids minds or gives her a hard time for doing so. 

[annethcz]

We do sleepovers for our kids, usually as a birthday party, but not always. 

Beds: it's kind of a free-for all at our house.  We have tons of sleeping bags.  Kids are welcome to sleep on the floor, share a bed, sleep on a couch... it's all good :)  Our situation is different in that we have 4 kids, plus sleepovers usually involve multiple friends. 

Rules: yes, rules about screens and bedtimes are usually suspended when we have parties or sleepovers.  Which is why kids end up staying up half the night and then falling asleep in random places, LOL. 

Following through: I've never had to face this issue, but I wouldn't make an issue of it unless it becomes a problem.  In my family, this issue would probably be covered by the standard "be a good host" conversation that I have every time my kids invite friends over.  Being a good host sometimes means sacrificing your own wants in order to make your guest(s) comfortable.