How do you/did you face/overcome your birth fears?

[texmati]

Help! I'm 38 weeks tomorrow, and up until now have felt calm or indifferent about the birth, but now I'm starting to panic. Like really panic. I was not this afraid before labor started with my son.  Now I'm worried about both the pain, and the risks of vbac, and the possibility of things going wrong like my son's birth.

I feel like I can no longer believe that everything is going to be ok, because I *know better now*. I just want to recover some strength and courage.

Anyone been in the same boat? How did you overcome your fears?

[Simonsez2u]

I'm so sorry your going through this.  I'm right there with you.  I'm not in a complete panic (mini panics here and there) but I have been having worries about all the same things i.e. pain, vbac, and the same outcome as my son's birth. 

I'm trying to think of it in terms of this is a different birth and I've done all that I am capable of doing to educate and prepare myself for a good outcome.  If you think about it we have just as good of a chance of things going great as things going bad (better actually).  I just pray all the time that whatever happens that both baby and I will come out of this birth experience healthy and whole. 

Good luck to you and remember that you are a strong woman and that women all over the world have been giving birth for a looonng time and made it through.

[msmiranda]

I completely freaked out the day before my second son was born (though at the time of course I didn't know he would be born the next day!  I was 38 weeks 5 days so as far as I knew I had another week or more to go).  My midwife was concerned about the baby being posterior, and I had been doing some things to try to turn him but he wouldn't budge, and so I got very upset about the possibility of not being able to handle labor, needing to transfer and ending up with a c-section, etc.  I was sobbing and hysterical.  I posted about it on my blog and a friend read it and called and talked to me about it for a while and after that I felt much better.  Right after that (I mean literally maybe an hour after we got off the phone), early labor started, though I didn't know for sure until the next morning that that's what it was.  I had the easiest labor and birth that I could have hoped for, and once I was in labor I had no fear at all, I was just very focused.  

I'm not sure what the lesson is, for me or anyone else, in how things shook out.  I always say that if I worry about something enough, then it won't happen, lol.  I can also see the merits of trying not to worry, but it goes against how I'm wired so I'm sure I always will to some extent.  In any case, hang in there!  The odds are in your favor that things will go smoothly. 

[MegBoz]

Sorry to hear you are stressed.

I'm only 31W, so not too close yet to birth, but I've felt more laid back this time than with my first.

This sounds weird, but I think the reason I'm not stressed is because I know there are no guarantees that I'll have another great experience, and I'm OK with that. I've accepted that as reality. If I have to transfer, I have contingency plans & I'll deal with it. If I need a CS, I have plans for that too & I'll deal with it.

Although I realize the odds are in my favor I'll have a fantastic birth, so that helps ease any concerns. Having a great deal of trust in, and generally liking my birth team also helps. I know my MW & her apprentice will support me through whatever comes my way.

The only thing that really stresses me is not being able to BF. & I'm mostly afraid this would happen with a premie. As long as BABY can do it, I'm pretty confident I can make it happen again. THAT has me very upset, as I don't think I could cope with the gargantuan effort that is e-pumping, but I'd hate to miss out on all the fantastic benefits of BFing (ha, like the SUPER convenience!) But otherwise I feel at peace with whatever this birth brings me. LOL, I feel weird even typing "at peace with" - that's not a phrase I often use. I'm not a Zen sorta person normally. Maybe this is my DH's influence - he's such a laid back dude. He just doesn't worry. He plans, he works hard to maximize chances, he gets educated -  he does all the positive things that anxiety can drive people to do - but he doesn't feel anxiety & worry.

[kawa kamuri]

I had a traumatic 3rd birth, was terrified upon becoming pregnant with #4, used the Hypnobabies home study course and went on to have two powerful, natural, beautiful and calm births. I wish you the best, mama. 

[lifeguard]

I'm not pregnant with #2 (yet) but after ds was born I was TERRIFIED. I must have gone over his birth a million times in my head. My ob actually made me feel much better when I asked him if I was always going to tear SO badly (3rd degree). He told me that the way one birth goes has no influence over how subsequent births are & that it's highly unpredictable. It made me feel much better - although I do suspect I will worry more when an actual 2nd birth is approaching.

[GuildJenn]

After I lost my daughter I was terrified. It turned out to be a very, very easy labour. Now I'm at 35 weeks and starting to freak, although I may be headed for a c-section anyway (breech, and no, given my history with a cord compression, I am not doing a breech vaginal delivery).

How I got through it was maybe not super helpful to you but I reminded myself that a) I had no choice - I mean the baby has to come out and b) that it was only going to be 1-3 days of my life. Beside that, my OB and his team worked REALLY hard to make sure I was comfortable with the team. I saw every OB but one so I would be comfortable with them (ironically...it was that one that was on call that night, ha) and we talked a lot about "if this happens then..."

I realize that's not that happy sounding but it worked for me.

[CI Mama]

I've been thinking about your question and wishing that more people would respond, so here I am giving this thread a bump!

I don't have any great answers, maybe just more questions. Life has taught me that the only real antidote to fear (of anything) is faith. So how to find faith when your faith has been betrayed, when, as you put it, you "know better now"?

After my experience giving birth, I can no longer have faith that my body will know what it needs to know, or that my instincts/intuition will carry me through a difficult situation. I don't plan to ever get pregnant & give birth again, so I won't have to face that particular fear. But I will face other challenges in my body, if I'm lucky enough to live a long life.

The only thing I've figured out at this point is that I have faith in resilience. Over and over again, I've been moved by the stories on MDC and elsewhere from women who have endured incredible challenges & hardships. It helps me believe that we can survive A LOT if we have to. And in myself I've seen that I can heal, given enough time. I may not handle my difficulties gracefully, and I may not heal as quickly as I like, but things change and transform over time, whether we want them to or not. Even as focused as I was on my trauma, I couldn't stay in that damaged place. I moved on. With help, of course, but also just because time passed and things changed.

Anyway, I doubt any of that is helpful to you, but I wanted to throw something out there in hopes of getting some better responses to this thread.

Good luck and please keep us posted on your journey.

[mosomers]

My recommendation would be affirmations; things like:

"My baby knows just how to be born"

"My body knows just how to birth my baby"

"My baby will be born at the perfect time for him/her"

"This is a NEW birth and a NEW opportunity"

"My body is healthy and whole"

Create your own affirmations to combat the things you struggle with. Find ways to word them using positive words (stay away from saying what your birth experience will NOT be and say what it WILL be) and create your own affirmations. Put them on post-it's around your house and say them to yourself as often as you can. You'd be amazed at how much it helps calm you and ease your worries.

When I got pregnant with my 4th baby (a surprise), I was so not ready to be pregnant and birth a baby so soon after #3 (she was only 9 months old when I got pregnant). I decided that I needed some extra help with this one so we took the Hypnobabies course and it changed everything! Baby #4's birth was the birth of my dreams and I think the affirmations made a huge difference!

Good luck!

[texmati]

Thank you for this post and the bump.  Especially the bolded part. As I was reading the first part of your post-- I had the same thoughts running through my head... "my body did 'fail' me".

But I think I will have to make peace with that fact that whatever happens, I'll wake up the next day. I will get through; and that's the best I can hope for. I've also made a promise to myself that I will make the best decsisions that I can in the moment, and then try to just remember that I did my best-- no regrets later.
 

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I've been thinking about your question and wishing that more people would respond, so here I am giving this thread a bump!

I don't have any great answers, maybe just more questions. Life has taught me that the only real antidote to fear (of anything) is faith. So how to find faith when your faith has been betrayed, when, as you put it, you "know better now"?

After my experience giving birth, I can no longer have faith that my body will know what it needs to know, or that my instincts/intuition will carry me through a difficult situation. I don't plan to ever get pregnant & give birth again, so I won't have to face that particular fear. But I will face other challenges in my body, if I'm lucky enough to live a long life.

The only thing I've figured out at this point is that I have faith in resilience. Over and over again, I've been moved by the stories on MDC and elsewhere from women who have endured incredible challenges & hardships. It helps me believe that we can survive A LOT if we have to. And in myself I've seen that I can heal, given enough time. I may not handle my difficulties gracefully, and I may not heal as quickly as I like, but things change and transform over time, whether we want them to or not. Even as focused as I was on my trauma, I couldn't stay in that damaged place. I moved on. With help, of course, but also just because time passed and things changed.

Anyway, I doubt any of that is helpful to you, but I wanted to throw something out there in hopes of getting some better responses to this thread.

Good luck and please keep us posted on your journey.

[texmati]

well... just to update...

I had my daughter yesterday. It wasn't a 'natural' delivery; but it was a pain-med free vbac.

I started in the morning panicking about the pain with every contraction; and then realize that teh contractions were just not as painful as with my son. When I got to the hospital, I was already8-9cm, and had the baby a bit later.

I was shocked at how well I handled the pain (and have been getting kudo's on my 'pain tolorance' from the entire floor this morning that heard my screaming and moaning, apperantly).So many of them mentioned 'other women' who get epi's and drug at 4cm etc-- I *was* that other woman 15 mos ago and nothing has changed. I think that some labors are just worse than others.

I wish I could say that this experience has made me unafraid of pain, but still feel myself panicking even with the afterpains when I breastfeed-- I think it's just as CI mama said-- I have to remember ot have faith that I'll get to the otherside of it.

[CI Mama]

Congratulations!!!!