Transitioning an older child to own bed

[navi]

Hello, I'm starting to transition my 11, almost 12 year old to her own bed. I was wondering if anyone had some advice for us? Neither she nor I are really ready for the move and will be taking it slowly. The reason for finally transitioning is I think she is not individuating, and I'm afraid it might be due in part to co sleeping. I teach at her school and will begin homeschooling middle school next year. Any advice? I feel a bit alone in this problem. Thank you, 

[justKate]

I didn't want to read your post and not respond, but I don't understand the problem you're having with her. Can you explain?  I'm sorry, and I hope you find a solution....

[To-Fu]

I'm curious why you think she would need to stop co-sleeping, if it seems to be a practice that works for you both. 

That said, you know your own business, so I'll just offer some advice, having never BTDT (my oldest is just 3, but we're starting the process soon, too).  Does your daughter have her own bed already?  If not, invite her to pick one out (used or new, whatever), along with some bedding.  Make rules about when it's okay to still come into your room, and when that happens, where will she sleep?  Can she crawl in bed with you, or will you put a sleeping bag or cot somewhere else in the room?  And given her age, I'd be sure to have a gentle conversation with her about why this is happening, as it may seem sudden or like it doesn't make sense.  I wonder if you could also do part-time co-sleeping (like just on the weekends, maybe?).  It doesn't have to be all or nothing, yes?

Again, take all that with an enormous grain of salt since I have never been the parent of a cosleeping 11yo. :D

[navi]

Hi there!

Thanks for the responses! I guess I feel the need to transition to her own bed as we spend so much time together and I feel she is possibly too dependent upon me... and I don't know anyone else with a 12 year old sleeping with them. We decorated her bed with new linens and she has a new puppy to be with her . She and I have spent two nights sleeping in there together, and today she suggested herself maybe I sleep alone tonight as I have a bit of a stomach bug .... which makes me feel like this isn't too much for her....

I'd love hear any suggestions from others who have attachment parented to this age/ have transitioned at a late age...

[ryleigh'smama]

I just wanted to respond and say that I hope things are going well. We cosleep with dd6 and ds4. I am anticipating that dd will be a late transition. I didn't go into parenting with a plan to cosleep, we started because it has been apparent from birth that dd needed to cosleep. She just does, she needs to touch someone in the night if she has a dream, or wakes up a bit. Ds is a pretty independent sleeper, but still prefers being near us.

[navi]

Thanks for all the support-- it seems to be going well. We are going slowly and haven't yet made it all night. The idea of moving to her own bed seems to be making her more independent in other areas. Possibly wishful thinking on my part, but I think she feels more secure somehow? This is all so new to me! Parenting is constant change and growth, no?

[navi]

Thanks for all the support-- it seems to be going well. We are going slowly and haven't yet made it all night. The idea of moving to her own bed seems to be making her more independent in other areas. Possibly wishful thinking on my part, but I think she feels more secure somehow? This is all so new to me! Parenting is constant change and growth, no?