Weird reaction to baby crying?

[AFWife]

DS1 is 21 months. I recently gave birth to DS2 (like, a week ago)

When the new baby cries DS1 starts hitting the nearest person. This happens every.single.time. Is this a normal reaction? Is there anything we can do about it? We've tried explaining that the baby is okay and he cries because he's uncomfortable. We've tried explaining that we are taking care of it and to please stop hitting.

[mckittre]

Hmm...  I don't know.  I have a 23 month old and a new baby as well, and the toddler really doesn't like it when baby cries.  His version is to scream "she not want go cry! or she be done crying!", which is not as bad as hitting, obviously.  Asking him what he thinks the baby wants seems to help (he always thinks she wants nursing, and is usually correct), and explaining that she'll be done crying once she's done having her diaper changed (or whatever) seems to help.  I think the crying disturbs him, which is probably normal, even if the hitting is an unfortunate reaction.

[YayJennie]

I would say it's a "normal" reaction, in that Frankie is probably upset by the crying and not verbal enough to express it, so he acts out physically.  When Emma cries, Wyatt sometimes cries too (kind of fake cries, but it's because he's upset by her cries), and he always says "baby cry".  I think it's normal for young toddlers to get distressed by babies crying, particularly a sibling that they see mom and dad taking care of.  So I wouldn't worry that it's an abnormal reaction.

As far as how to stop it, I would try to redirect his distress. Wyatt is very into "helping" with Emma (just like Frankie seems to be!), so when Emma cries, we ask Wyatt to go get a pacifier for her, or get her blanket for her, or something like that.  Maybe giving Frankie a task that will "help" baby feel better will alleviate some of his distress.  Or give him a different way to express his feelings...if he's hitting people because he's upset by the baby crying, try to explain to him a different way to deal with that emotion, like hitting a pillow, or ripping up paper, or yelling (if you are OK with that as an outlet for him).

And, of course, if he's upset by the baby crying, give him things that calm him down when he's upset.  For Wyatt, that is his pacifier and his blanket.  For Franklin, maybe a bottle of milk?  I think it's just a matter of teaching him how to "appropriately" express his feelings.  So if he's feeling upset/frustrated/scared by the baby crying, tell him it's OK to feel that way when baby cries, but give him other ways to handle those feelings.  Just my two cents, hope that helps!

[ScottyG]

Slightly bigger age gap between my two girls, but we navigated this by enacting a little "script" for when the baby cries, so the older one can feel like she's helping.  Every time her little sister cries, we ask the toddler, "What could you say to help her feel better?" and the toddler delights in repeating things like "It's okay!" or making little "sh sh sh sh" sounds.  Gives her some way to react to the crying that she likes to do.

[pbjmama]

I think it is normal. It may actually hurt his ears. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ahhh!!!  CONGRATS on your new baby!!  I was actually thinking about when you were due, and wondering why you hadn't posted in a while....

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by pbjmama 

I think it is normal. It may actually hurt his ears. 

My dd has very sensitive ears.  If you suspect that it might hurt his ears, you could get him some hearing protection -- he might be willing to wear it if he sees that it helps.  For dd we have the headphone type of hearing protection, but there are ear plugs for children too.