I want to UC

[tracymom1]

UC Mamas, I need to work out a few things that have been floating around in my head today... please have patience!! 

I feel a little strange.  I literally woke up today and just knew that UC was the right path for this pregnancy.  The same thing happened last time around as well - I was preparing for my VBAC with a group of midwives that worked at the hospital and just could not get comfortable with the idea.  I simply knew that HBAC was the way to go... the only midwife I found who would take me as a client was an illegal DEM who was wonderful and fantastic in every way.  There was so little intervention on her part that I literally didn't even know she was in my house (until I was just about to push DD out).  I thought about contacting her again, but don't know if we can realistically afford her fee to "be there just in case" of an emergent situation.  We recently moved and are much further away from her and I am not sure she would really come this far into the city, anyways.

For my current pregnancy, I have seen a CNM who lives down the street from me for a couple of prenatal appointments so far... she is nice and all, has agreed to no prenatal testing, is pretty hands off, but... I just don't get the warm fuzzies from her as I had hoped I would.  There's nothing *wrong* with her, per se, I just don't know if I really need her at the birth.  I asked her about intervention during birth and she said that she will check the cervix upon arrival, listen to heart tones during contractions when I am in transition and bring an assistant with her, possibly a student.  Sigh...  really?  A full audience?  Yikes.  I did not ask her if these things are mandatory - my mind was already 2 steps ahead of what she was saying, dreaming of my UC without her there.  Certainly I will have a conversation about all of this with her before officially deciding to discontinue care, but today just didn't feel like the right time.

I spoke with DH this afternoon and he is open to explore the possibility of a UC.  I told him that we would need to do a bit more preparing for this than in the past and that there is a lot to think about in terms of recognizing potential problems and being able to act on it.  I am going to order a few of the recommended books on Amazon today and make sure he reads Spiritual Midwifery as soon as possible.  I know that he trusts me and my body and only wants what is best for our family.  Last time, when we told everyone we were going to have an HBAC, they all freaked out and gave us a million reasons not to - DH, bless him, ALWAYS remained calm and poised and defended our decision with simple, kind words.  I know that he will proceed with loving kindness and have an open mind.

I have always been someone who completely listens to my heart (intuition, inner voice, what have you...) and it has led me to this wonderful place in this life.  I have complete faith in my body and that the universe works exactly the way it should - that if you put forth an open, educated heart and mind, G-d will see to it that everything will happen exactly as it was intended (good or bad).  

Any advice mamas?  Words of wisdom? Thanks so much for reading!

[Rainystar66]

Welcome!   I can relate so much to how you feel right, I felt the same way before my first UC.  My suggestion to anyone is always follow your heart, trust your instincts, and listen to your inner voice, they will never steer you wrong!

[annaconda]

I understand too!!!  

I'm planning a UC but have a birth center backup (and that's what we're telling the family for now, that we're doing it in the birth center.)  

Read up... get confident... and the way I feel is... I'm actually not relying even on DH for much more than emotional support.  We're also not locking into UC - the thing that's making him feel good about the situation is that we're planning UC but playing it by ear according to all our OB apts and how the actual birthing goes.  Our insurance covers so much hospital care it's ridiculous.

Anyway - here reading and following along - I hear you about dreaming UC all the way!

[lightinmyhands]

trust in the universe, trust your heart, and trust the ancestral knowledge that is alive an well in your cells--the wisdom of all the women that birthed their babies before you.  

[lizzie]

It's always so exciting to me to hear that a woman "just knows" something, and then listens to that knowing! How wonderful for you! And your dh sounds like just the man to do this with. ;) I would encourage you to add other books more focused on UC to your reading list - not to take anything away from Spiritual Midwifery. Books like Laura Shanley's Unassisted Childbirth, and Lynn Griesemer's Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love. Laura's site is filled with UC birth stories, too. Of course, the birth stories here on MDC are wonderful! :) I think reading the birth stories here on MDC are what truly made it all click for me, and they just put you in such an open and optimistic frame of mind... or at least that what's they did for me. :)

[Mamatoabunch]

You will do brilliantly!

[tracymom1]

Thanks, mamas!  I am feeling very much at peace.  This baby will be born in love and mama will do the catching!

[Tumble Bumbles]

Hi fellow DDC'er :)

Why didn't I see this before? Maybe I did and didn't have a chance to comment!

I feel almost exactly the same way as you -- nice enough midwife who's swell and all, but I am NOT interested in any checks, NOT interested in an audience, NOT interested in someone "suggesting" things or whathaveyou.

 my mind was already 2 steps ahead of what she was saying, dreaming of my UC without her there.

That made me lol because that's exactly how I feel, every time I'm at the midwife's office. Again, she's a very nice lady, I'd have coffee with her and a nice chat even if she weren't my midwife but I don't feel "the connection". Also, I decline all testing, all checks, all exams, so honestly there is nothing she's done at the appointments I couldn't do myself (bp, pee on test strips for protein/glucose, etc). I feel slightly resentful about having to go to the appointments, schlep my 5 year old, and then only spend maybe five minutes talking to her. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel rushed at all, but I literally have no questions or concerns lol I've been to the fair already (home birth with diff midwife last time) and I do tons upon tons of research so there are no concerns or questions.

Then I'm like, why am I there? I do respect midwives and what they do for women who believe they can benefit from them or believe their experience would be enhanced by having one present however, I really don't believe I'm one of those women at this point.

So grateful to have other women due around the same time on this journey together :)

[lizzie]

Then I'm like, why am I there? I do respect midwives and what they do for women who believe they can benefit from them or believe their experience would be enhanced by having one present however, I really don't believe I'm one of those women at this point.

So grateful to have other women due around the same time on this journey together :)

WORD! ITA with both of these comments!

[April420]

Hi! I am in New YOrk and I guess not too long ago home birth was illegal. I have been working diligently to find a midwife that is willing to take on an HBAC and I have failed 5 times. Right now I am not pregnant, but planning to TTC soon. The only reason I have been searching so hard for a midwife is because of my husband. He is uncomfortable with the idea of a UC at the moment. It has taken me many months to get him comfortable with even the idea of home birth. Not too long ago he was adamant that I birth in a hospital. I really do want to UC, but I at least want to be at home. If a midwife makes my husband happy (provided I cannot get him used to the idea of UC), then I am happy too. The problem is no one wants to take on an HBAC in my area (Binghamton). ).  I guess what i am really asking is does anyone know a midwife willing to participate in an HBAC that is relatively close to Binghamton? My husband says IF (big IF) we go with a UC... he at least needs someone else there for moral support for himself in case he panics/gets nervous. My family and his family are both AGAINST home birth and won't support us. Where do I look for someone to help my husband while I am UCing?

[lightinmyhands]

April, I would suggest looking to some of your friends.  imo, once birth actually started happening, there was no time to 'panic'... there was time for me to give birth, and time for him to support me in the process.  There is a great video called "birth day" where a mexican midwife gives birth at home with her husband and children (no birth attendants) .  it's totally beautiful and really paints the right picture.  Anyhow, more about the friends... while there wasn't time for panicking, it sure would have been nice to have an extra said of hands, as he couldn't be in two places and once and i really needed/wanted him to stay by my side.  I had intended to have a friend or two over this time, however, I'm moving out of state next week and leaving all of my friends... so we'll be doing it alone again.  all it took for chris to be cool with UC was to watch the business of being born once and have one visit with a local midwife (whom was very distasteful) and he decided we'd be fine by ourselves.  Good luck on your birthing journey :)

[tracymom1]

Originally Posted by April420 

Hi! I am in New YOrk and I guess not too long ago home birth was illegal. I have been working diligently to find a midwife that is willing to take on an HBAC and I have failed 5 times. Right now I am not pregnant, but planning to TTC soon. The only reason I have been searching so hard for a midwife is because of my husband. He is uncomfortable with the idea of a UC at the moment. It has taken me many months to get him comfortable with even the idea of home birth. Not too long ago he was adamant that I birth in a hospital. I really do want to UC, but I at least want to be at home. If a midwife makes my husband happy (provided I cannot get him used to the idea of UC), then I am happy too. The problem is no one wants to take on an HBAC in my area (Binghamton). ).  I guess what i am really asking is does anyone know a midwife willing to participate in an HBAC that is relatively close to Binghamton? My husband says IF (big IF) we go with a UC... he at least needs someone else there for moral support for himself in case he panics/gets nervous. My family and his family are both AGAINST home birth and won't support us. Where do I look for someone to help my husband while I am UCing?

Try posting in the Finding Your Tribe forum - you might have better luck finding a midwife that does HBACs there. There also may be a doula who would be willing to be a birth attendant (not someone who is a medical professional, but just there for support). There are a lot of underground networks out there for midwives - maybe someone in your area might know of one.

Seek out any homebirth groups, and I HIGHLY recommend finding an ICAN meeting - they usually have all the inside information. LLL meetings, AP parenting groups, and The Holistic Moms network might all be good places to network with folks who might be able to help. Good luck! It's hard when so many roadblocks get thrown up, but you can find a way to have the birth you want, I am sure!!

[AlaaJ]

Wow this is amazing. This is the first time I hear about women having their babies by themselves. I mean, I know it happens in other countries (my Ethiopian friend said that women from Chad always have their babies in the privacy of their own bedroom. They don't want anyone around, not their husbands, not their mamas, no one.), just didn't know it happened in more 'developed' places. My question is, how do you UC-ers deal with the "what if" factor??

[kylaskye]

AlaaJ, UCers tend to lean more towards the side of self knowledge. In general we don't take advice from other people or doctors for face value. We want the real facts not just what gets spewed out so that the "professionals" can get us to do things their way. 

As for the what if factor, there are many ways to deal with certain things going "wrong" in a natural way, all on your own. 

http://www.unhinderedliving.com/variations.html is a good site for what to do if certain things arise. A lot of people rely completely on instinct and divine protection, as well. 

It's a varied community, and I'm just giving an overview here. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with the circumstances.

[lightinmyhands]

I'd like to speak on the "what if" factor.  There are a few "what if's" to think about that would need intervention to deal with, however, most of the 'what ifs' are caused by the numerous interventions you get from a health care "professional".  For me, it was realizing that the inherent risks of birthing unassisted were far fewer than the potential risks from having any professional assistance.  I was safer at home then in a hospital, that was for sure, and the transfer rate of our local midwives was 30%--those just aren't good odds.  A big part of it was also making peace with the cycle of life.  The worse thing that could happen is either me or my baby would die, and while either of these happenings would be incredibly sad, death is in fact an inevitable outcome of life... So I made peace with death and over the course of 9 months developed a deep trust in life and the birthing process.  And on July 27th, 2009, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl assisted by only her dad.  We didn't suction her nose, we didn't bathe her, she didn't get vaccinated or have ointment slathered in her eyes, she breast fed immediately and her cord was allowed to stop pulsing before her connection to me was physically severed.  She came into the world in a quiet, dimly lit room with only the faces that belonged to the voices that she had come to know so well, there to greet her.  Even in the best of circumstances in a hospital, there is no way she would have been able to come into the world so peacefully.  I believe we gave her the greatest birthday gift that a parent can give a child, a non-violent entrance into their new world.