I am the mother of an intact one year old boy. When we found out we were expecting, my husband said "There is no question, he's getting circ'd" - and we fought and went round and round...well, in the end, I won and we're SO glad. Now that I look back, I realize that there was never a chance that we were going to do something like that to any kid of ours...but at the time it felt really real, like I really was the only thing standing between my son and the knife.
Flash forward to present day. My sister is expecting. Oh god...I get tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. She is expecting a boy and is due toward the end of March. They're going to circ him. She hasn't said so outright, but when I saw them this past weekend and asked if they'd reviewed all the info I sent her...they said "Yes, but Robert (her DH) has both uncirc'd and circ'd men in the family so he knows all about it and it's a personal choice" and they went on, just saying more stuff like that...not saying outright that they;d do it...but his face, the things he was saying, etc were saying "There is no way my son won't be circ'd".
I know it's none of my business...but I also know my sister wouldn't be doing it if it were just her. She doesn't really stand up to him I don't think and their relationship is so new. They will only have been dating a year or so when this child is BORN...and I know they are trying to hard to be good parents, to make the right choices...but they are also young and I think scared and I don't know...just trying to do "what they think they should". I can tell they care and I know that no kid can ask for more than that, for more than parents who care really intensely about doing right by them....but damn it they are going to cut this kids penis and I can't get over it.
So, the reason I'm here....
How do you handle the deep pain you feel when someone close to you is going to make this choice and you know there is nothing you can do about it? They don't realize what they are doing, they just have no idea...I have nightmares about my poor, loving, wonderful sister, looking down into the bloody diaper of her precious son and wondering why it was so damned important to cut his penis. I don't want her to feel regret..I don't want her to feel pain and more than anything, I feel like I'm fighting for my poor nephew, who has no voice in this matter even though it's his penis.
I feel anguish, I feel deep remorse for not being able to do anything. I feel powerless to help this child. What do I do? How do I get over this? I've tried EVERYTHING...the MDC stuff, the really great, concise lists, link to the "regret" thread, articles, etc. Nothing penetrates the wall of "it's our choice". They aren't circing for any reason...they just ARE. Because it's their choice. ???? What does that mean? :( :( :(
My last ditch effort was sending her a message tonight that was basically me begging her...BEGGING, outright, to reconsider. I even sent her a circ video...not the really bad one, I'm not trying to traumatize her or guilt her...I'm just trying to make her SEE.
How do I get past this. How do I let this go. It's choking me, the knowledge that she's going to do this...it's choking me and making me feel a desperate, crazy feeling. I want to scream, I want to cry....I hold my own son and am just so glad he's intact....
How do I let go and move on happily, supporting my sister and loving my nephew without feeling guilt that I couldn't save his penis? Because that's what I need to do....if I push this any further, I'll be hurting my relationship with my sister and I don't want that, she really needs her sister in all of this, she's in way over her head, she's going to have to send this baby to daycare at less than six weeks old and the whole thing is just going to be really stressful..I want to be there for her, I don't want to alienate her...how do I do this?
Thanks for reading this far....it feels good to get this off my chest. I'm just so torn inside...I feel such heartache.