NCB-Friendly and General Baby Shower Ideas?

[mmaramba]

My BFF's at 30 weeks now and I'm planning her baby shower with her mom and another friend. We haven't done anything but set a date (March 6, about 3 weeks before her EDD) and a place (her mom's house).

I'm looking for some ideas that are natural birth/natural baby-friendly. Does that sound weird? She's not super-crunchy, but she's crunchy enough that I'd like to avoid things involving bottles, discussions of ~*~fabulous~*~ epidurals, etc., etc. And I've heard a fair number of stories over the years of baby showers kind of devolving into that.

Any advice? Experience? Thoughts?

Including just general "I went to this one shower and they had lettuce wraps and we played dirty Scrabble and they had an ice sculpture in the shape of a vulva and it was awesome" kinds of thoughts?

You know-- things that you really liked or really "worked" at your own or other showers?

I hung out with the BFF yesterday and she just wants a low-key deal.

Pertinent details:

-This is her first baby.
 

-She already registered at Buy Buy Baby for a fair number of items. So I don't think I'll ask everyone to bring a favorite children's book or XYZ, KWIM? I think presents are already spoken for.

-She is planning a NCB with hospital CNMs, planning to breastfeed, etc.

-They decided not to find out the sex of the baby.

-The guest list is all female, but pretty diverse and "casual"-- some friends of hers, some friends of her mother's (from the church she attended as a kid and got married in, etc.), cousins, possibly a couple coworkers, and she even wants my mom and grandmother to come. So it will have a kind of "open house" feel with women from 15-85 years old, though it won't involve more than 20 people.

-I am a huge HB/NCB-supporter, the other friend helping plan just had a NCB in a hospital a couple years ago, and one of the friends attending has had 2 HBs and is really vocal about it (even more than I am!) OTOH, it's a mixed crowd and I'm sure there will be plenty of folks who are mainstream when it comes to birth and such. I don't want to alienate anyone who has done the whole mainstream thing-- OTOH, I would like to do whatever I can non-confrontationally/prophylactically to avoid people discouraging her in any way, YKWIM?

When she was throwing things out there, BFF said she would love it if everyone wrote some words of encouragement for labor, or something... But I reminded her she might get some "Don't be afraid to get the epidural! You don't get a medal!" kinds of things and she said, "Well, maybe just you and C and B can write them, then..."

Anyway-- silly games and fun stuff and sappy cr@p is totally fine... Just looking for general ideas that won't muck up the NCB vibe-- they don't have to be NCB-specific. Maybe some advice, etc.

The only thing I won't do is make it a "Blessingway." So that's one thing we can take off the table. Suffice it to say that I have a good friend who had an actual Hozhooji (sp?) and I'm just not down with appropriating that experience.

All other suggestions welcome!  The more unique/heartfelt/fun/meaningful, the better!  Googling hasn't brought me much luck.  No matter what I do I end up with 23554 pages of baby shower party planners and descriptions of "Guess Her Girth" and "Guess the Poop" games.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by mmaramba 

I'm looking for some ideas that are natural birth/natural baby-friendly. Does that sound weird? She's not super-crunchy, but she's crunchy enough that I'd like to avoid things involving bottles, discussions of ~*~fabulous~*~ epidurals, etc., etc. And I've heard a fair number of stories over the years of baby showers kind of devolving into that.

I hate to sound discouraging, but I'm not sure you can do anything to stop that. People who are going to make comments like, "Don't be afraid to get the epidural. It's awesome! You don't get a medal!" are probably likely to say that stuff even if you try to subtly discourage it - heck - that might make them MORE likely to say it. :( Ya know, they might think, "Why is my opinion not valid? I thought labor was horrific & torture & the epidural saved me from the misery, then birth was awesome, so I want her to know how great they can be."
& when you think about it - that person would have a point. Why is their view any less valid?

It may be easier to steer clear of birth altogether & focus on baby care? IMX, most mainstream people don't talk birth much at all. They view it as a nasty, awful means to an end, not something to be celebrated, enjoyed, and effort put into maximizing. So IMX you'd have better results in terms of not having people say discouraging stuff if you avoided the topic of birth.

I was the first in my family to have ANY interest in foregoing an epidural - no one else even considered such a wacky idea, let alone went through with it & had an enjoyable NCB. & my girlfriends present hadn't had kids yet. But no one really talked birth at my shower. Wasn't an issue.

I did have one friend who passed out cards for people to write tips on at her shower. I missed her shower since I was sick, but I wrote my tips & dropped them off with the present. I remember writing one baby care tip - which was to use your stability ball! You can bounce up & down AND rock back and forth, all while sitting down! (Great when you're tired at night, but baby needs all that motion to be soothed & you just want to SIT.)

I can't remember if she asked for tips on labor & encouraging notes & what the outcome was.

[mmaramba]

Yeah, Meg, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to focus on the baby and just take birth off the table completely, to make that kind of thing less likely.

[crystal_buffaloe]

I had two baby showers, and they were both a lot of fun, if pretty cheesy. At one, everyone wrote a piece of advice on a card for me -- all of them had to do with baby care and general motherhood stuff, though, not birthing. One person said to invest in a good food processor and make all of my own baby food, which sparked an idea and some research and then we've ended up doing BLW with no purees at all. At the other, everyone signed an autograph frame (you could make one yourself or buy one) and then we took a group photo at the end and put it in the frame with everyone's signatures and messages around the outside. (You could have people write a message to the baby, too, and put a newborn picture inside.)

We played a game at one of them where everyone brought a baby picture, my sister taped them all up on the wall with a number, and we tried to guess which photos matched up with which guest. The winner got a prize of some kind (Burt's Bees pack, maybe? I didn't win!) 

There were several nursing mothers present, too, which I think is fun and the babies give everyone else something to talk about/fuss over.

I like to pass the presents around -- I think it makes the whole present-opening more interesting to the guests.

ETA: I also got some cloth diapers and a wetbag that I'd registered for, and those generated a lot of discussion. Some of the guests had used or were using cloth diapers, and some of the older guests were amazed at what the options are now.

[lunarlady]

I had a shower with my oldest, and it was really nice. We did play the stupid games, which I could have done with out. The parts i really liked were as follows:

They brought one of those bubbly foot baths, and I got to sit with my feet in it for awhile, then got a foot rub and my nails painted by SIL, who was in school to be an esthetician so that made perfect sense. It was wonderful. What preggers lady doesn't want her feet rubbed?

They took a ball of string and tied one end around my wrist, without cutting the string, they passed it around the circle of women, and each person wrapped it once around their wrist and said one hope they had for me for L&D. Everyone knew i was planning a HB, so I got a lot of "I hope you have the birth you imagine" and "I hope you are strong through the labor". I strongly suspect some comments were suggested and some people were spoken to before we started about what would be appreciated. Althoghg one person did say "i hope it goes fast so you make it without an epidural"' which earned her some sideways looks from my friends. At the end, the strings were cut, and everyone pledged to wear their bracelet until they heard I had come safely through my L&D. It made a connection for me to those women, and i found much strength during my labor from my yarn bracelet representing a circle of positive thoughts.

I also had a "mother's circle"' where all the women who were mothers (and me, mother to be) sat in a circle. They each stated one thing they really loved about being a mom, and wished the same to me. "I loved hearing my baby laugh. You will love it too.". "I loved holding my baby and singing songs at night, just the two of us. You will love it to.".

The other idea I like is to have each woman bring a large bead and make a birthing necklace that can later be a nursing necklace from them. A tangible and enduring reminder of all the love and support people bring to the party.

So can you tell I'm a crunchy mama with hippy, dippy friends? But the games and gifts aside, the shower is what made me realize i was a mama now, and that was so profound. To be welcomed into a new circle of life. Magic.

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