Children will be 9+ years apart - worried about meeting the needs of an infant and a 9 year old...

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I'm 6 months pregnant with my second child.  I suppose lots of the excitement of the early stages of pregnancy are fading and I'm starting to have worries.  There is SO much that is going to be great about having a 9 year old and an infant but I admit that I'm worried about how different both children's needs will be.  

I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the idea of paying attention to the unique needs of an infant AND a 9 year old.  I guess I imagined that a 9 year old wouldn't have as many needs as an infant...ah...how wrong is that?  

For instance, I remember being able to be 100% responsive to DC.  But for this new baby, I may well be doing school work with DC (which is very important these days because my 9 year old is struggling with a mild learning disability), or getting her ready for school, or helping her talk about something she's going through and etc. while the new baby is stirring or needing me as well.  

I know we all work this out but I'd like to hear from some of you who have gone through a similar thing.  

[Momsteader]

I haven't yet, but will be! My kiddos will be 11/15 when this baby is born. I'm actually thinking it will be easier than when it was 3.5 yo and a baby. An older kiddo can be understand waiting just a moment while you finish something with the baby.  There will be lots of times I'm sure where you are nursing babe and helping with homework, but that's very do-able.

I think probably some of your apprehension is just the normal going from 1 child to 2 children.  Many parents say it's the biggest adjustment.

[beebalmmama]

My boys are 4.5 yrs apart and so I don't have experience with that age gap. But I think it's great that you are thinking about this. I think it is easy to think that because a child is older they will "understand more" "be able to wait" etc. I can see I expected sometimes more from ds at 4 then I really think he was able to give. It may not have been a tantrum in the moment but he was acting out in other ways.

I also have a very good BFF that still has "issues" about being the big sister and always needing to "hold it together" or "be the responsible one". She still remembers being expected to understand that the baby needed this or that and her needs were put on hold. The only time she remembers being able to have her mom to herself was to trap her in the bathroom while her mother bathed.

Obviously there are times you will need to ask your 9yr old to wait. But I think it'll be important to still be spending quality one on one time with her. Or have times were dh/dp can take the baby for a few minutes while you finish something up with the 9yr old.

One thing I've had to remember is that ds was an only child for 4.5yrs! That is a lot of time to be the sole attention of mom and dad. Something to think about.

[MJB]

My oldest is turning 8 this month and I have a 5 mo. old (also a 5 yr. old in between). Honestly, having a big kid around is a huge help. He loves to play with the baby and can hold and carry her safely. He can change a wet diaper, get her dressed, bring her to me, etc. She loves her big brothers and now that she sits up well, they take her into their room so she can sit on the rug while they play. She's a pretty easygoing baby and I have no problem helping the kids with their homework, taking them to school, watching their sports games and school performances and such with her. She doesn't get my undivided attention but she gets more than my middle son did because I don't have a toddler to worry about. If I need her to be quiet she'll usually accept a boob or pacifier.