If I don't change my tune, I may lose my job! VENT

[busymama77]

Well, I finally had the talk with my boss today that I had posted about before Christmas "We need to talk about your job".  He brought to my attention a couple of mistakes that I had made a few weeks back that some of the guys in the office had a problem with and have talked about my approach to things, how I lack the luster of wanting to do this and that, and just my attitude overall. 

I work in a highly competitive, fast paced office environment that can be stressful at times but can also be laid back and slow other times.  When it's the busy time, like now, more often than not, I don't receive much feedback on my work - all of the complaints get filtered down to my immediate boss and then he receives the pressure to talk to me about it.  So today, we did. 

After about 10 minutes in to the conversation and the tone was very mellow throughout, I lost it and started crying.  Crying about "why can't I have a bad day" "am I not allowed to be stressed out and overwhelmed?!"  These guys in this office get so worked up and overwhelmed with what they are doing that they don't give a second thought to their approach and so I become overwhelmed with work and take it personally.  I really hated the fact that I cried, but I sort of felt better and sort of didn't. 

He's just giving me a refresher on how I should be, how my attitude should be to everyone that I work with - esp to those that have found my work to be sub par lately.  But yet there are others in this office that believe that I'm the best that has ever been in this position and that I'm unappreciated.  Yet, regardless, I need to keep a smile on my face at all times.  In other words, if I don't change my tune, stop taking things personally and just take them for what they are and nothing more, I may lose my job.  I NEED THIS JOB more than anything right now.  Knowing this keeps me here but it doesn't change my attitude..... Why not?  Am I really not happy here?  No. I'm not.  I'm only here because I receive free insurance and the additional income is important for my family.  I think I hate that fact so much that it's some times reflected in my attitude and my approach to things around here....

I'm looking for something new...had a couple of bites before Thanksgiving, but the money wasn't good enough to make the transition.  I feel stuck and I hate that feeling.  Should I seek therapy to talk about this besides posting this on MDC?  What do you all think about my situation?  Anyone been here before?

[GuildJenn]

I haven't been in those exact shoes but I know how stressful work woes can be. Hugs to you.

I think it's possible to work on two fronts. One is  to do what you said would help - basically suck up to those who have complained, do your work as well as possible and don't take things personally (not that any of that is easy...but those are things you kind of control). It does sound like you get that it's not personal - the guys get busy and then they come at you in certain ways.

I am not at all blaming you but it is true that people who seem kind of happy to do the work tend to be perceived as being a better fit for the job. We've all had some bad days but if your boss brought it up it means it's a problem for him.

But... once people start talking about attitude, my feeling is it's also good to start polishing the resume. It can mean so many different things at different times and it's not a bad thing to start looking around. I honestly can't believe your boss said that before a holiday and meant there was a problem; I was sure it was the reverse when I read your other thread. It sounds like a tough environment all around.

[plantnerd]

PLease don't read anything into this.....but....  I have had to counsel 2 employees in the past on their attitudes, and both were eventually let go. 

If you really do want your job then step up quickly.  You don't have to have a grin on your face at all times, but no negativity, no complaining, no laizzez faire attitude.

If you are negative because you hate your job, then you are making the right decision to move on.  At some point it gets hard to fake.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by plantnerd 

PLease don't read anything into this.....but....  I have had to counsel 2 employees in the past on their attitudes, and both were eventually let go. 

If you really do want your job then step up quickly.  You don't have to have a grin on your face at all times, but no negativity, no complaining, no laizzez faire attitude.

If you are negative because you hate your job, then you are making the right decision to move on.  At some point it gets hard to fake.

I totally get what you're saying.  I think my attitude also steams from the fact that I NEED to be here... I'm receiving pressure from DH to keep this job,  keep my head up, really work at what I do because of the extra income I bring in and the FREE insurance I receive for my family.  I don't think that he's doing this intentionally...just as 'matter of fact' - ly.  If that makes sense.  But sometimes it really makes me hate what I do evenmore because of this pressure.  It really shouldn't be this way. 

I was in silent mode all the way in to work this morning.  Just thinking and really becoming depressed.  Hating and loathing to come in.  Wanting to turn around, pick up the kids from school and just say the hell with it.  Ugggggghhhhhh.... But I'm here.  Plugging away.  And it's slow, which is a good thing, I guess.

[newmomroxi]

I know how you feel about being at a job that you despise but staying because you HAVE to.  I have been at my job for 4 years and for the last 2 years I have wanted to leave.  I know how mind-numbing and soul-sucking it can be to stay at a job when you don't want to!  My job is monotonous and it's so hard to see the point of what I do most of the time.  I have a one-hour commute (40 minute drive) which includes dropping off/picking up my DS.  I have to work every third weekend, for about an hour each day.  (Imagine how irritating that is to drive all that way for such a short time at work!)  I haven't had a raise since 2008 and I've watched and trained incoming coworkers who make just a bit more than I do.  And then I'm expected to supervise them! I am the go-to person for everything and have more responsibility added to me constantly.  I could go on but I won't.  I stay at this job because it's stable, flexible (I work 4 tens to have Fridays with my son), and I carry the insurance for my family.  Having insurance is nothing to sneeze at, especially with a young child, an act-first think-later DH, and the fact that I'm pregnant again.  So I stay.  I have had a pretty crappy attitude for a long time but because I don't work in customer service and I get the job done, my boss doesn't care.  I needed to make a change though.  My hatred of work was starting to spill into my home life and my relationship with DH.  I was constantly complaining about work and DH was sick of hearing about it.  I dreaded getting up in the mornings. I dreaded Sunday nights.  I was always thinking about work and it depressed me so much!  I was just not a fun person to be around!  So I decided that I would work on my attitude.  I tried telling myself that I needed this job and even thought about how negatively my family would be effected if I didn't work here.  Did no good.  I kept trying to focus on all the good things about my job but it just didn't help.  Lately, I have had a new approach and it is helping.

I used to daydream about quitting at least once a week.  I would be getting ready for work and thinking how I hated my job.  I would sit and think how I spend 13 hours of my day dedicated to work and it made me so angry.  So now, I just stop thinking about work.  I get up in the morning and I get ready.  I make my lunch and get DS ready for daycare and not once does work pop into my head.  I think about the food I'm preparing and how yummy it will be come lunch time.  I get DS out of bed and bask in the fact that this is his cuddliest time of day.  I drive my commute and I listen to books on tape.  I think about going to drop of DS and saying good morning to my sister (his dcp).  I don't think that I'm heading to work.  Once that's done, I listen to my book while driving to the parking lot.  I no longer spend my whole morning stewing that I have to go to a dead-end job blah blah blah.  Instead I focus on other things, like how DS is so enamored with looking out the window every day.  And once I get to work, I'm in a good enough mood that I just try to maintain that.  I don't allow myself to wallow, I just do what's required and try to have little pick-me-ups as much as I can.

I don't know if that is helping you at all or even making sense, but you have got to stop thinking about your job.  I still think all those things that I wrote in that first paragraph but I've stopped focusing on it so much.  I'm not going to get another job right now, I could be here for another 4 years and everything could be the same!  So I am doing what I can to make the best of it. 

[One_Girl]

This may sound silly, but a lady I worked with a few years ago told me that she smiles all the time whether she feels like it or not and that usually it does help her keep a more positive outlook.  After I graduated and got my current job, which is not anywhere close to my education level or skill level (18 year olds do it for a dollar less an hour), I started trying it after crying almost every day for the first couple months and it really does help.  I keep a smile on my face and in my voice when I am at work and I do feel a lot happier at work.  I still dream of the day when I will get a job in my field but the stress is much less.  I think there is something to be said for making yourself see the positive only even if it is unnatural to only feel one way.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by busymama77 

I totally get what you're saying.  I think my attitude also steams from the fact that I NEED to be here... I'm receiving pressure from DH to keep this job,  keep my head up, really work at what I do because of the extra income I bring in and the FREE insurance I receive for my family.  I don't think that he's doing this intentionally...just as 'matter of fact' - ly.  If that makes sense.  But sometimes it really makes me hate what I do evenmore because of this pressure.  It really shouldn't be this way. 

I was in silent mode all the way in to work this morning.  Just thinking and really becoming depressed.  Hating and loathing to come in.  Wanting to turn around, pick up the kids from school and just say the hell with it.  Ugggggghhhhhh.... But I'm here.  Plugging away.  And it's slow, which is a good thing, I guess.

Well, here's your answer.  If you NEED this job, then you NEED to find a way to be more positive about it - b/c if you don't you won't have it anymore and your family won't have health insurance.  Particularly in this political climate, I would NOT want to lose health care.  I know Obama is trying to get something through, but its not working right now.  Washington State is having to get rid of ALL public health b/c of some tax initiative.  States are struggling with budgets that just don't cut it - I would put a smile on my face and make it seem like I was the happiest person there if thats what it took (no sarcasm though - that would make it worse).

There's been some good advice on here, so I won't repeat it, but if your job is being threatened you need to figure out a way to save it - for your family and your kids if not for you.

[dawningmama]

You've mentioned a couple of times that your employment is "extra" money for your family. I know, for me, that kind of thinking can be a mental stumbling block. Your income and financial contribution, and especially that health insurance contribution!, are just as important and essential to your family as your husband's. I know when I first began working part-time and pulling in so much less $ than my husband who worked full-time, it made me feel like my work was less important and that in turn made me a little more resentful of my job. I had to reframe it for myself and realize how my work, even at fewer hours a week, is still a really substantial contribution to our family's fiances and overall well-being.

Work stress does really suck, though, and I hope you can find a way to make the changes you want!

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by newmomroxi 

I know how you feel about being at a job that you despise but staying because you HAVE to.  I have been at my job for 4 years and for the last 2 years I have wanted to leave.  I know how mind-numbing and soul-sucking it can be to stay at a job when you don't want to!  My job is monotonous and it's so hard to see the point of what I do most of the time.  I have a one-hour commute (40 minute drive) which includes dropping off/picking up my DS.  I have to work every third weekend, for about an hour each day.  (Imagine how irritating that is to drive all that way for such a short time at work!)  I haven't had a raise since 2008 and I've watched and trained incoming coworkers who make just a bit more than I do.  And then I'm expected to supervise them! I am the go-to person for everything and have more responsibility added to me constantly.  I could go on but I won't.  I stay at this job because it's stable, flexible (I work 4 tens to have Fridays with my son), and I carry the insurance for my family.  Having insurance is nothing to sneeze at, especially with a young child, an act-first think-later DH, and the fact that I'm pregnant again.  So I stay.  I have had a pretty crappy attitude for a long time but because I don't work in customer service and I get the job done, my boss doesn't care.  I needed to make a change though.  My hatred of work was starting to spill into my home life and my relationship with DH.  I was constantly complaining about work and DH was sick of hearing about it.  I dreaded getting up in the mornings. I dreaded Sunday nights.  I was always thinking about work and it depressed me so much!  I was just not a fun person to be around!  So I decided that I would work on my attitude.  I tried telling myself that I needed this job and even thought about how negatively my family would be effected if I didn't work here.  Did no good.  I kept trying to focus on all the good things about my job but it just didn't help.  Lately, I have had a new approach and it is helping.

I used to daydream about quitting at least once a week.  I would be getting ready for work and thinking how I hated my job.  I would sit and think how I spend 13 hours of my day dedicated to work and it made me so angry.  So now, I just stop thinking about work.  I get up in the morning and I get ready.  I make my lunch and get DS ready for daycare and not once does work pop into my head.  I think about the food I'm preparing and how yummy it will be come lunch time.  I get DS out of bed and bask in the fact that this is his cuddliest time of day.  I drive my commute and I listen to books on tape.  I think about going to drop of DS and saying good morning to my sister (his dcp).  I don't think that I'm heading to work.  Once that's done, I listen to my book while driving to the parking lot.  I no longer spend my whole morning stewing that I have to go to a dead-end job blah blah blah.  Instead I focus on other things, like how DS is so enamored with looking out the window every day.  And once I get to work, I'm in a good enough mood that I just try to maintain that.  I don't allow myself to wallow, I just do what's required and try to have little pick-me-ups as much as I can.

I don't know if that is helping you at all or even making sense, but you have got to stop thinking about your job.  I still think all those things that I wrote in that first paragraph but I've stopped focusing on it so much.  I'm not going to get another job right now, I could be here for another 4 years and everything could be the same!  So I am doing what I can to make the best of it. 

Thank you. I really needed to see something like this.  What you've said hit home and I will do my best to give what you're doing a try!!!  Many, many hugs to you for what you keep on doing each day.  You're an incredible woman.  

[marinak1977]

[Usually Curious]

If you put a dollar amount on the insurance benefits, would that help your attitude? If your benefits package is worth an extra $1000 a month, that should make it a lot easier to be positive.