Well, I finally had the talk with my boss today that I had posted about before Christmas "We need to talk about your job". He brought to my attention a couple of mistakes that I had made a few weeks back that some of the guys in the office had a problem with and have talked about my approach to things, how I lack the luster of wanting to do this and that, and just my attitude overall.
I work in a highly competitive, fast paced office environment that can be stressful at times but can also be laid back and slow other times. When it's the busy time, like now, more often than not, I don't receive much feedback on my work - all of the complaints get filtered down to my immediate boss and then he receives the pressure to talk to me about it. So today, we did.
After about 10 minutes in to the conversation and the tone was very mellow throughout, I lost it and started crying. Crying about "why can't I have a bad day" "am I not allowed to be stressed out and overwhelmed?!" These guys in this office get so worked up and overwhelmed with what they are doing that they don't give a second thought to their approach and so I become overwhelmed with work and take it personally. I really hated the fact that I cried, but I sort of felt better and sort of didn't.
He's just giving me a refresher on how I should be, how my attitude should be to everyone that I work with - esp to those that have found my work to be sub par lately. But yet there are others in this office that believe that I'm the best that has ever been in this position and that I'm unappreciated. Yet, regardless, I need to keep a smile on my face at all times. In other words, if I don't change my tune, stop taking things personally and just take them for what they are and nothing more, I may lose my job. I NEED THIS JOB more than anything right now. Knowing this keeps me here but it doesn't change my attitude..... Why not? Am I really not happy here? No. I'm not. I'm only here because I receive free insurance and the additional income is important for my family. I think I hate that fact so much that it's some times reflected in my attitude and my approach to things around here....
I'm looking for something new...had a couple of bites before Thanksgiving, but the money wasn't good enough to make the transition. I feel stuck and I hate that feeling. Should I seek therapy to talk about this besides posting this on MDC? What do you all think about my situation? Anyone been here before?