Think I scarred my ds for life!!!

[elisheva]

Planning homebirth #3 and contemplating which children to keep home and which to send out for the birth. Ds1 (4y.o.) has been asking a lot about how babies are made (like how they form - not how they are "made") and how they come out. We've been very candid and technical about all the terms and exactly how they come out. He has been asking repeatedly not really seeming to understand how they came out a mommy's vagina. Tonight I finally asked him if he wanted to see a video of a baby being born. He readily agreed. about 2 min into the vid as the babe was crowning, he was practically in tears and asked me to turn it off. I wanted him to see that the whole baby did come out so I fast-forwarded to the end to show the whole baby emerging. He was VERY upset. We talked afterward but mostly he just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep. Now he says he wants to go play at a friend's house while this baby is being born. I have NO problem with this. I'm just worried I've scarred him for life! Advice?

[Annie Mac]

I don't know that you've scarred him, but he's certainly in a place to make an educated decision now about whether he wants to see his baby brother/sister being born! I would talk with him and try to ascertain which parts of the video upset him. My guess is that it's frightening to watch a grown woman, a mommy be so out of control (I know, not really, but it looks like it) and in such apparent pain. The two times I've heard women giving birth (through the hospital walls), it kind of scared me, and I knew what it was.Or maybe it's freaky for him to imagine that that was how he came into the world. Talk to him, address his fears & reassure him if necessary of your safety. I'm sure he'll be just fine.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I showed my 9 y/o DC a birth video about 2 months ago.  She was pretty freaked as well.  I specifically chose one with a child there but it also had the baby coming out pretty blue.  I had warned DC that babies sometimes come out looking a bit strange but it was still a shock to her.  Just now, 2 months later, she's ready to watch another.  I'll let you know how it goes.  ;-)  

[NuzzleNudge]

Regardless of age, watching a human be born can be shocking. I know 25 year olds who are weirded out and 'scarred' after the first video/birth thry saw. Watch more with him is my advice. The more he sees the more he will get used to it, and realize it's natural and normal.  Just one video/image/memory rattling around in his head is enough to freak anyone out.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

DC and I watched more last night.  She is still pretty disturbed by the mamas moaning and/or expressions of pain/exhaustion.  She watched them with her fingers in her ears.  DC didn't seem all that bothered by the baby coming out this time, however.  She wanted me to 'fast forward' to that bit.  

I'm going to keep watching them with her as NN suggests because this will give me some insight as to which parts of the birth she may want to see and which parts she may be bothered by.  

[MissBeth705]

We're also preparing our DS for our homebirth. He'll be 2.5 by the time the new baby arrives and he wouldn't understand the technical aspects of birth but we have been watching a beautiful birth video that shows a water birth. While the actual emergence of the baby is not shown, it does show mom making "birth sounds" and the daddy helping the mommy while she's working to get her baby out. Maybe you can show your DS the video and tell him he doesn't have to watch the baby being born if he doesn't want to. Here is the link to the video...

http://www.gregariouspeach.com/?page_id=1093

It's requested many times a day around here! lol

[Chloe'sMama]

DD1 was much younger (just 26 months) when DD2 was born, we prepared her by watching 'Orgasmic birth' as it was recommended by midwife (DH and I watched it first to make sure there wasn't anything too much for DD).  It seemed fine and we had it playing in the background while she was playing etc.  She doesn't watch much TV and only the actual birth parts interested her. We talked about the mom making noises (and that I would most likely do it during birth).  She was so happy about watching her sister being born and still asks for the movie and for us to talk about DD2's birth.  

Anyways, my midwife said that most kids are not interested in the labor part, but will usually come in as the baby is being born. 

[noahs.mom06]

DS (will be 5 in May) loves watching birth videos... so I have no doubts about having him here for the birth. DD will be just over 2.5 when baby is born. She hasn't really watched any videos with me, but I'm planning on having someone here for the kids if they're awake when I'm in labor anyway, so I'm not too worried about it.