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post pardom help

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 

i am curious to know what kind of help everyone plans to have pp. will your dh stay home for a bit, a family member come, will you hire help, or do it all alone?


we have known that my dh will not be able to have very much time off after the birth (he is a waldorf teacher, so they don't have something like substitutes in a state school, plus he is preparing the students for "the" big test that is in march,)  but no one has been able to tell us exactly what "not a lot" is. so, yesterday, he had the big sit-down meeting with some other teachers to discuss it...and they don't know what to do! he is the first father in the school's history to have a baby outside of vacation time! isn't that unbelievable!? so, they have to find out what is legal and what they are comfortable with, ect...


they said, they were pretty certain that he could have at least 3-5 days! which means that he wouldn't even really get to know the baby (i planned to stay in the hospital maybe 3 days) before he goes back!


so, knowing that it wasn't going to be a lot of time off, we had already applied to our insurance for 10 days household help, which, i guess, is pretty typical here. we haven't heard back from them yet, but i would imagine that we qualify. i feel really pampered and a little nervous about it- i have never had a stranger come in to help with anything.


and then, two days ago, my sil called to say that she just realized that the ski trip she and fil had planned was for just two days after my edd- so, she canceled it and said that they want to come and help out. i am really-really touched by the offer, but even more nervous about it than the house helper. they know that they will have to stay in a hotel, but i am just not sure, logistically, how it will work out. they are two people who typically really need to be pampered- neither cook or have much of an idea about how to entertain kids.....and, the truth is that they are both very bossy and i have trouble being straight forward with either of them.....


i am hoping that it doesn't end in disaster. maybe i will have the house helper entertain them! lol.

post #2 of 22

My husband will be around a lot - he usually takes at least a week off of work but now that work is so slow he's around anyway.   My mom and MIL are both within 20 minutes of me so I expect a lot of help/meals from them....every little bit helps!

post #3 of 22

I am having a planned c-section, so I need a little extra help.  Fortunately, DH is planning to take 2 weeks off, and then my mom will take off one week.  She lives locally and is planning to do like last time...show up around breakfast time and leave around dinner time.  She can help with getting DS to and from preschool and also with my 2 year old DD.


post #4 of 22

My SO gets 4 weeks leave with full pay in his contract (the norm here is 2 weeks iirc). So we know he'll have that.

He is on sick leave now though, because I'm not allowed to do much, so he has to take care of the other kids.

And we already have a cleaning lady once a week.

So yeah, I'm not worried at all.

post #5 of 22

My dh can only take off 2 days.  Yes, 2 days. He just started this job 90 days ago so not much time built up. IDK what I am going to do. I do have my MIL who lives next door, who says she is going to help me alot.

post #6 of 22

No family close by for me.  BUT DH gets ten days from the Air Force for free and then can take more if he wants.  As long as things are going OK I don't think he will though, and that's OK with me.  I think!  I've never had three kids.  Yikes!


My parents *should * be here to help too but it will just depend on when baby comes.  They'll be here around the due date and my mom was a big help last time.  We'll see. 


I write from home and have decided to take off March and April instead of Feb. and March.  I *think* that I can get all my work done the last week of this month and the first week of Feb. and thereby get three weeks off for free.  Here's to hoping baby holds off until after the 8th or so! 

post #7 of 22

mcs--that sounds a bit complicated! it would be great to have help that really helped...but help that has to be pampered and doesn't do that great with entertaining kids...well, that sounds like lots of work to me! i hope you can find a way to be more helped and less worked!


i am grateful that my dh will be here with me, we both work from home and so, i'll have lots of help for a long while. we did discuss having his or my family here to help, just so someone could help give love to the animals and help with the house/food...but in the end my mom would be more work to have here, though she'd love to help out, she's just a rollercoaster herself and not someone we feel can be here when we're transitioning to babe earthside. plus she's someone who'd love to sit and hold the babe forever, and my dh and i want to be doing that all at first ourselves! as for his family, they are great help, they would definitely cook, clean, etc...but they are so opinionated and fearful, well, it'd be stressful for both my dh and me! and that's not great either for the transition...


so, all in all, we decided to just be relax him and i smile.gif



post #8 of 22

We can't afford for my husband to take any time off so I probably won't have any help at all. My sister is supposed to come at some point but it's not definite.

post #9 of 22

all we have planned for is the day i go to the hospital, my sil will come watch the 2 older kids at our house while we are at there. and i imagine the first week or two will be family stopping by to meet the baby. no plans for anyone to stay here to help out. everyone i know have their own families to take care of. dh will probably take a week off work to save vacation time for later in the year or to use it when i need him home to help out later on. we will have a routine for that week, but eventually i've got to get the routine down for when he's at work all day and i've got 3 kids to take care of. if i need help though i know my family will do what they can to help.

post #10 of 22

My DH will be home for a few days after baby is born. Probably somewhere around 4 days. After that...well, I don't really know. We're looking into a postpartum doula. My mw highly recommends I find one because I have a history of strong postpartum depression and she thinks it would be good for me to not have to worry about food, cleaning and constantly entertaining the other two kids at least at times. So I'm looking for a doula who is working on her certification and therefore is either free or has reduced fees. winky.gif Otherwise, my dad works from home so he should be able to come by and make sure DD gets to and from preschool ok and that dinner gets made, at least a few times. DH's grandmother may also drop by a time or two for a few hours to help out.


Honestly, I would just like it if a few people made us some food. After DS was born, we got a ton of prepped sandwich stuff from my parents which lasted a couple days and was fabulous, but beyond that, nada. And I'd like for people to actually take the note our midwives left on our door seriously. The note asked that no one stay longer than 15 mins unless they wanted to help out by washing some dishes, laundry etc. My MIL told us she got to the part about staying for 15 mins, laughed and didn't bother reading the rest. My FIL refused to wash his hands and stayed as long as he wanted. BIL (15 at the time so...) offered to do our dishes and then laughed when we accepted and said he was just joking and making fun of the note. My head about exploded at the last one. In reality, its really not like him to be rude or mean, I think he just did not understand the magnitude of what he did due to age. I was more pissed that FIL didn't make him do it after he offered because FIL should've known what a big deal it was. That reminds me I need to write up a note to put next to the note the birth team leaves asking people to please respect what is asked of them and a little help would be much appreciated. I'll make sure its a real "nice" one, too. mischievous.gif


mcs-I hope it works out well for you!!

post #11 of 22

Dh works for himself so I think he'll plan to take at least a week off completely and then after that just schedule work so it's not super heavy for a bit...also, some of his work happens at home so that helps too. I'm sure the first few weeks he'll be around enough.


Plus his parents are currently tripping around in their RV and are planning to finish their trip with about 3-4 weeks here before they head home. I'm hoping they arrive about a week after baby (so we have some uninterrupted family time first) but otherwise, I'm looking forward to having them here. They are easy to have around (for the most part). My MIL is one of those women who can't sit stil - she has to be folding laundry or starting supper or tidying the kitchen or playing lego with the kids. Plus, they'll have their own space as they'll be staying in their RV and the biggest way they'll help I think is by keeping our older two kids busy.

post #12 of 22

I haven't asked yet, but I think my parents might stay home for a couple days like they did last time. I almost want to keep DS out of school an extra couple of days because he's such a huge help normally, but I'm afraid that it'll end up being a disaster. Haha.


Though, honestly, I think I'll be okay either way. I already prepared myself mentally to do it 100% alone before I knew where I would end up living. 

post #13 of 22

DH will take 1-2 weeks off and then will work part-time for 2-3 weeks after that. We don't have any help besides that.


post #14 of 22

Dh gets 10 days off for paternity leave then Ill be alone with all three. No family nearby, I do have a few people I could call if I absolutely have to but I probably won't. I can't stand the idea of someone else cleaning or doing anything around the house other than me/DH. If something happens where the baby ends up in the NICU or for a longer hospital stay then his work told him he might be able to take some leave on top of his paternity leave but no guarantee.

post #15 of 22
Thread Starter 

some nice news for me- my sil called last night with a genuine "want of knowledge" about how she can be most helpful when she comes. earlier in the evening, i had also talked about my worries to dh, and that helped me feel better (about help from the IL's,) too. i think that i will just need to plan a lot before and then be prepared to let go when it comes.....

lets see how that goes in practice.

post #16 of 22

MCS, I would definitely contact her with lists of things and ways they can help.  That way, if it seems like too much they'll cancel in advance, and if not they'll be prep'ed!


I don't know how long DH will have off.  Like strongmom's DH he's still new to his job and doesn't have time off built in, but he works for a family company and I imagine they'll give him a week or so at least (unpaid) but better than nothing.  My bff lives up the road though, my parents and sisters are both in town, DH's sister lives an hour away and isn't working right now, and his parents will visit if possible (he has a brother in BC who just got diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and they'll be flying out to help with the kids when he begins treatment.).

post #17 of 22
Originally Posted by Strong Mama View Post

My dh can only take off 2 days.  Yes, 2 days. He just started this job 90 days ago so not much time built up. IDK what I am going to do. I do have my MIL who lives next door, who says she is going to help me alot.


Originally Posted by Chula13 View Post

We can't afford for my husband to take any time off so I probably won't have any help at all. My sister is supposed to come at some point but it's not definite.

 I am basically like yall. DH can't afford anytime off as he recently started a job a few months ago that is a temp to perm position. He has no vacation or holiday days. So all the holidays(Christmas, thanksgiving were NO paying holidays). So anydays he takes off he will not get paid. So far I am thinking he can just take off Weds. for two weeks. That way he can take DS to and from school on that day. And the other two days we just need to find someone to pick him up. I might start driving around the 3rd week.


My MIL lives 45mins away so I guess she may come around. I also didn't have any help with DD...I was just home with her and DS who was 2.5y.o. Now with 3 and DD will be only 23months I don't know what I am going do.


I plan on having some frozen meals and am thinking of quick meals that I can make as I will still have to feed the children.


Our other family members live the same 45mins+ away and they all work.


post #18 of 22

Luckily my dh talked to his superior bossI(the head honcho) and though he only gets two PAID days off, they are willing to let him take a week off unpaid without it jeapordizing his job. Thank God!

post #19 of 22

I think dh will stay home at least part time for a week or so.  We have a lot of family in town and i hope they offer to keep or entertain my toddler some days, too.  We have some food sensitivities here so I don't really care if we get meals. Dh is really good about cooking, so I'm sure he'll have stuff ready for all of us.  

post #20 of 22

I am extremely lucky, because my husband will be able to take a full month off from work for paternity leave.  After he goes back to work, my mom wants to visit, so she's going to come on down and stay for about 10 days once hubby goes back to work.  I also have a bunch of friends who are SO excited about the baby, and they seem the type to offer to do something actually helpful, like wash dishes or something while they're here.  These friends are like family, too, so I don't think I'll feel bad taking them up on those kinds of offers (or feel bad asking them if they don't offer first, haha!).  But I think we're extremely well set with help, so that's awesome.

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