GD Bookclub: Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline - Page 2

[simple life]

I was wondering how we were doing this.  Do we read a chapter and then discuss, or just read and post questions/thoughts? 

[applecider]

I think that would be nice, but I wonder if people are at different points in the book already.  I'm almost done with it, but I would be willing to read it again.  I haven't gotten to the seven week program yet although I'm looking forward to it.  What cd's does she have?  I really wish this was an audiobook but I haven't found it.

[happy1nluv]

I'm in the middle of chapter 3...   and here's my problem.  I get it while I'm reading it and I can see the answer when its spelled out, but so much of it relies on you knowing WHY something just happened... 

"You have a choice. You can hit your brother to get what you want or you can say 'May I have a turn'"

"You wanted your sister to move.You may not push..."

What if you don't know why?  I'm in the kitchen and the boys are in the playroom.  Everything seems to be going well and then panedmonium reigns and two (of 3) boys are screaming.  Now what?  Or when everyone's happily playing cars and one of em bonks another on the head for no reason (well none that i know of?)?  Should I just memorize a few standard reasons and use those if i can't think of why they did it? (like, if he bonked him on the head he must have wanted the car he was playing with - nevermind that we have a BILLION cars?)

[happy1nluv]

And... what do you do when your children flat out ignore you?  That drives me CRAZY!! I KNOW they can all hear, because I've had their hearing checked (yes, it drives me that batty).  I tell them that it bothers me, and that i'm just looking for acknowledgement...  and yet they LOVE to do it!!!

[mom2lucy]

Originally Posted by happy1nluv 

And... what do you do when your children flat out ignore you?  That drives me CRAZY!! I KNOW they can all hear, because I've had their hearing checked (yes, it drives me that batty).  I tell them that it bothers me, and that i'm just looking for acknowledgement...  and yet they LOVE to do it!!!

I just finished the book and I wonder the same thing.  The thing that has helped me the most from this book is the section on working on me and my reactions.  I find that when I'm calm, relaxed and focused on the ideas from the book things generally go much better.

I have tried some of the other techniques (like choices and empathy) with my nearly 3 yr old and she honestly acts like I'm not even saying anything and continues what she's doing or proceeds with a tantrum. 

Everything sounds so good in theory, but works much differently when put to use. 

All in all I really enjoyed this book, and actually just sat down with it to skim a few parts over again.

A related question to this and other parenting books-how do you get your parterns on board with changes?  DH hates to read and would never read a book, and usually gets irritated when I try to suggest he do something differently.  He's a terrific parent and I bring up a major concerns, but I don't want to be overly nitpicky and get on him about everything.  Just wondering how much you encourage your partners to make changes.

[rainbringer]

I finished chapter 1.  I read the book a few years ago but glad to read it again.  So many quotes helpful to keep in mind on rough days.

Really liked this one

"To get new answers you must ask new questions.  Catch yourself when you start to think, 'How do I get my child to  __?' Stop right there and change your mindset by asking instead, 'How can I help my child to be more likely to choose to ___?"

[happy1nluv]

mom2;ucy  my dh doesnt read either....this time around im not even suggesting it...im just going to make cheatsheets and tape them up in obvious places...ill let ya know if it helps at all...

[momma22boys]

Is it too late to join? I am Becca and I'm a  SAHM to two boy ages 2yrs (Will) and 3months (Oliver). We recently moved and I'm having trouble finding gd mommas. Anyway, I'll pick up the book at the library and play catch-up!  Hope thats fine!

[happy1nluv]

Totallly fine... I was hoping to read the book a lot more quickly, but I'm only in the middle of chapter 2 so far... 

[mommatooth]

Yes!  I love this book, it's the only one (of the many on the list) that I have read and decided to buy.  I have gleaned helpful passages from some of the others- but this book inspires me and I have recommended it to other mommas... too bad for the awful title though- or I may have found it sooner.  Can't wait to get all nerdy about it with other mommas!!

[momma22boys]

grrrr...still waiting on my copy to arrive at the library. thinking i might just try a different library...could really use ut seeing asmy 2 year old is becoming more difficult.

[applecider]

Ok, I'm ready to start the 7 week program. I read the book several months ago, but I'd say in the last month I've completely forgotten what I'm doing. Last night was the final straw, I got SO mad at DS1, I can't keep being so mad at him. What ends up happening is that I just get to my last straw in regards to patience and it's been slowly coming. I apologized this am, told him that I was sorry for yelling so much lately and that I need to have some mommy time out so I can regain my composure. I'm typing this from a coffee shop. I think that I am just so tired of feeling like everything is a struggle, I am out of energy to figure out the "right" way to discipline and I'm so tired of saying something over and over, never to be heard. Get your shoes on, it's time to go...like 5 times. I'm tired of the constant fighting every time I ask him to do something it's NO! I don't want to. It is exhausting trying to come up with "creative" ways to do things. It's time to go, just put your &^$%& shoes on!!!!!!

Anyhoo, sorry about that crazy rant, I just needed to get that out before I burst!

So week one is harnessing the Power of Perception; owning your upset. Some things that stand out at me that I am going to work on this week (or maybe a few weeks however long it takes me to get it ingrained) are:

-Accepting my feelings of anger.
-Realizing that only I can allow myself to be angry, no one else is "making" me be angry.
-Breathe deeply, discipline myself first, then my child.
-Forgive myself.

Also, I want to type out and print the 7 Powers for Self-Control, the 7 Basic Discipline Skills and the 7 values for living. I'm going to put them somewhere...not sure yet where, but somewhere I will look at them daily.

Anyone want to join me in this first week and offer support to one another?