48 hrs into weaning my 4 yo dd - lots of tears (update - day 3 & we're OK!)

[joy2grow]

I knew this would be hard.  DD has nursed down and up from sleep her whole life!  And I loved every minute of nursing her!   Now my longing to have another baby is so strong and I need to give my system a break from producing milk, so I am willing to put us both through this misery of letting go. 

She wails sadly and says things like "I don't understand" and "It's not fair" and "I don't want to say good-bye to milky" 

I wanted this to be gentle, but I'm not sure how it can be when our connection is so deep and physical?  My husband is laying down with her to sleep and going to comfort her in the night when necessary (just once so far).  He will be starting his schedule of being home one week and gone the next for work starting in 2 weeks, so I'm hoping we are past the worst of it by then.

Edited by joy2grow - 1/12/11 at 6:11am

[D_McG]

aw.  It'll pass quickly!  Keep it upbeat and when she says she's sad just remind her of all the awesome new things you guys will do.  I wouldn't let her see that you're sad.  She'll likely take her cues from you.  

[joy2grow]

Thank you for the encouragement and for the reminder to be the emotional leader   Most of my processing has been done away from her, but I have also had empathetic responses to her unhappiness. 

[Owen'nZoe]

It is really hard - huge hugs to you and your daughter! DS2 (also 4) just weaned a few weeks ago, and his older brother was also 4 when he weaned. It was a much harder transition for DS1, but both times it has been very emotional for all of us.

Can you do something to kind of celebrate or commemorate this change with her? In our house, we've made a big deal about how great it is that the child is growing up and moving on to a new stage in their life. And then the newly-weaned child and I go out for lunch and then (brace yourself for some crass commercialism ;)) to Build-a-Bear together. It is a special mommy and child day, and I like doing Build-a-Bear because then they end up with a lovey to help them transition to falling asleep at night without nursies. My oldest son never had a comfort item before he weaned, but he really depended on his big-boy bear for about a year after he weaned (now he still has an emotional attachment to it, but doesn't 'need' it like he seemed to right after weaning). My youngest son will probably get his bear this weekend, so I have yet to see how much he depends on it.

[joy2grow]

DD woke up just after I read your post.  Fortunately she had to go potty right away so we were able to avoid the stress of wanting to nurse up.  A morning without tears - yea!  So I decided to introduce the idea of celebrating this grown up change with a special gift or family outting.  We discussed a few possibilities and I think it's going to help A LOT.  Thank you! 

[Owen'nZoe]

Hooray! I'm glad it helped, and hope you all enjoy your celebration!

[JAriadne]

I am on day 4 into the final weaning of my almost 4 year old.  We've been talking about it and scheming about her "big girl" party for weeks, and it all seemed to be going so well but I find myself in a state of total loss.  Keep in mind that only 2 weeks ago I was not at all enjoying the before bed BF, but after weaning, for the first 2 days I couldn't stop crying.  She is fine, and very excited to be a "big girl".  I'm the one who is day dreaming of taking it all back.  So anyway, I just wanted to give a shout out to you and say that I'm feeling it too.  Good luck. 

[joy2grow]

Thanks for commiserating, JAriadne.  The best part of the Mothering forums is knowing I'm not alone, especially as no one I know IRL has chosen to nurse this long.  My close family members know but it's a taboo thing even to them. 

So 72 hrs into our weaning I couldn't sleep and got up around 4am.  I just wished I could get in bed and cuddle with DD like I usually would.  About 30 min later she woke up calling for me and I decided to give it a try.  I left my robe on and we laid together awake for a long time before we both feel back asleep.  Just one time she said "I sure like milky" and I just said "I know Sweetheart"

The next two eves she asked me to with her instead of DH, promising she would not ask and she didn't!   Such a relief!  And further confirmation that she is ready and was likely nursing out of habit more than deep emotional need.  I am still Mama, still the ultimate comfort in her life.  For now I am wearing a camisole while laying with her as a precaution against me accidentally falling asleep and going on auto pilot

[D_McG]

That's a lovely update! 

[LCBMAX]

Originally Posted by joy2grow 

 For now I am wearing a camisole while laying with her as a precaution against me accidentally falling asleep and going on auto pilot

Camisole - tee hee! When we nightweaned I had to sleep in a tucked in undershirt, a turtleneck, and a thick sweater!

[Graceie]

Owen&Z I love your build a bear idea ! I hope to rememer that one DS is not yet 1 so it will be a while : )

[bdoody11]

What a timely thread! DD will be four on February 8 and we are weaning. I nursed her through three pregnancies (two ended in miscarriage) and now I'm tandem nursing with my 7 1/2 month old. I'm pretty done and ready for our relationship to move on to its next phase. We talk about it and she seems pretty excited. Right now we nurse to bed and in the morning. She is really tired at night so going to sleep shouldn't be a problem, but I'm particularly worried about morning. She has been known to throw a fit in the early AM if it's not time for "nursies". Like a 4:30 am tantrum (I make her wait until 6 or 7am). I'm going to be parenting solo that week and I am so hoping that doesn't happen. Otherwise I'm going to have an awake 4 year old and baby. 

I'm definitely nervous, but ready for this big change. Here is to hoping she is too!

joy2grow, it makes sense that on day 3 it was going better. My therapist says it takes 3 days to break a habit (yes, I'm so nervous about this my therapist has been helping me get through it).

Owenn'zoe, I love the Build a Bear idea!