Strongly Considering a UC in June '11 Tribe...support only please! - Page 7

[SGVaughn]

absolutely! this is baby number four for me and will be a hospital birth (Im really comfortable in hospitals but totally respect the UC choice) and know what? Im still workin through stuff

like...Im really trying to decide if I will ever efface and dialate on my own w/o an epidural or is this just what works for me

this baby will also be born at a hospital that I actually really hate on the emergency services side of things but seems to be my best choice for here...so thats not helping

I don't know if this will be reassuring or not...its meant to be reassuring so I appologize if its not ...most emergency services are very excited to deliver a baby if it ever came down to it! my partner (work partner)and I (she has 5 kids) used to always say at the beginning of our shift that this would be the day we'd earn our stork pins..and another company I worked for had storks with blue or pink bundles depending on gender whenever a baby was born in an ambulance painted on the side of the ambulance

used to always make me smile when I'd be assigned one that had a stork or storks

my own PCP who has two babies herself suggested a home birth for us as did her nurse practitioner (has one babe herself) on a different occasion..not UC but you get my drift..

the point I'm making is...you'd be surprised as to who can be supportive

I think a lot of people ask questions and play the "what if" game because theyre curious and don't realize what kind of anxiety they give moms about it

frankly I don't do it because of my before mentioned anxiety...my first birth was really terrible for me and I never really got over it

plus Im too lazy to deal with any paperwork thats not all laid out for me

it will go fine! you'll both be fine!!!

[SGVaughn]

double post edit!!

[jshannyn519]

I don't tell a lot of people about my decision to UC and I really don't feel the need to. I've told a select group of friends, a few of whom have had UC babies of their own, and they're a great support system for me. Part of the reason that I don't want to tell a lot of people is because I just don't want to deal with their doubts and fears. It won't do me any good to hear that, so I'm just not opening myself up to it.

I was having a lot of anxiety about the birth when I was planning a hospital birth with Baby Daddy there (prior to our breakup). I felt like I would need to prepare myself to fight for the birth that I need for this whole pregnancy and frankly that is just exhausting to me! It's exhausting to have to fight for what you want in your birth when you should be able to focus on giving birth. It's exhausting to feel like you are headed for a giant showdown at the end of your pregnancy. It's exhausting and sad to think about this time that should be so special being spent telling people that you don't know to leave you and your baby alone.

I do still have some concern about a UC birth, but it's not nearly the same level of anxiety that I was feeling before. Now it's more like healthy concern that prompts me to be prepared instead of the panic that I was feeling at having to fight. And now that I know Baby Daddy won't be at the birth I feel even more free and happy and excited about the birth. He said he wants to be there, but I know for a fact that my labor won't work if he's there. So he won't be. I am trying to create a space around myself during this pregnancy that only includes supportive, loving people and not people who are dealing with their own fears and doubts and ignorance about birth. It's been lovely.

[Tumble Bumbles]

Thanks so much Jenni, this part is what I'm going to especially focus on:

  I am trying to create a space around myself during this pregnancy that only includes supportive, loving people and not people who are dealing with their own fears and doubts and ignorance about birth. It's been lovely.

Thanks for your support as well SGVaughn.

I'm in a much better place this evening :)

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Sigh. I'm kind of down today. It seems like a huge uphill battle, this UC gig. It's how I've seen me birthing since I discovered I was pregnant and believe me, I didn't expect 100% support -- which is why we've told very few people, but I guess it's just sort wearing on me today, the lack of support. Like I have to hide a huge awesome part of this process with everyone, because you know everyone asks "what hospital" you're delivering at and when you say, oh another home birth, it can't just stop there, they have to ask "are you using the same midwife?" or "who's your midwife?" or, "do you like your midwife?" or, "is that legal?" (if they don't know you) or whatever. It's just, ugh. Then I have to side-step things because no way in he!! am I telling random people about uc'ing. They can't handle it  At least the few people I've revealed it to in the local natural birthing community/mama's group have heard of it even if they wouldn't choose it. I know I shouldn't have to have anyone's support in order for me to be happy and excited about it, and thank God I have my husband supporting me 100%. My best friend, mom, and sister support me too albeit in a 'it's your body and if you're going to choose this, we'll support you' type way and not in a "UC, awesome!Your body was made for this!" type way lol

One of my fears now is that all this pressure is on me and if anything were to go wrong (even mildly), all the blame and "I told you sos" and whispers about how I decided to do it "alone" and look what happened will all be heaped on me (in addition to the feelings I'll already have if anything did go wrong). That's what people want to do when something they wouldn't choose goes wrong. Chastise you for choosing it and tell you it could have been avoided (even if it couldn't in reality) if you had only done it their way.

Oh well, onward and upward. I have to just create a bubble around myself and not let any of that get to me. Thanks for listening, so glad there are others on this journey along with me

Well, have a few more UC's and then what can they say, LOL. I generally say I have the baby at home, rarely do people ask about a midwife. If they do ask about a midwife and depending on how I feel or what vibe I get from the person I either say w/ a midwife or I often say just dh and I. I have had quite positive interaction, like how neat or awesome or whatever. I have only had two people in 8 HB/UC's freak out. I do tend to be slightly more selective of whom I tell when expecting and especially as I get close to my due date.

What I get lonely about is why my dh is being fabulous dh this pregnancy that hasn't always been the case. I sometimes miss discussing just "my" pregnancy, aches, etc w/ a real person, committed to just me for a visit or appt. Otherwise I'm good.

[Mamatoabunch]

My list:

This is Finnian's list

1. Turn up water heater

2. Attach hose to shower

3. Fill pool

4. Put half sea salt container in pool

5. Boil scissors 5 minutes

6. Place scissors in jar of alcohol

7. Put on purple striped fitted sheet

8. Put shower liner on top

9. Put blue sheet on top

10. Put chux on bed, big blue one

11. Put on purple strip top sheet

12. Make sure there are towels in room

13. Do hibclense wash if waters are broken

14. Remind me to take vit Cif water has broken every hour

15. Take 5 calcium lactate every hour

16. Set up video camera

17. Take out bag of breastmilk, oldest from December, put in fridge to defrost

On the back I have copied and taped from Heart and Hands the box that states Golden Tips for Expectant Parents and Principles of Infant Resuscitation

[Tumble Bumbles]

Thanks for your list Annabelle! There are totally things I forgot to put on mine!

I love this:

Quote:

 Well, have a few more UC's and then what can they say, LOL.

That gave me a chuckle, thanks! I would love to be able to reply to a naysayer with "well our last SEVEN UC's went just fine so..." just to see the reaction

[tracymom1]

I have also noticed that since we had our last baby at home, nobody is really asking anything or questioning our birthing situation. Last time around, though, I was met with a lot of the usual questions of worry and concern, mostly from my doctor/medical relatives. I never had any real arguments with anyone, though, because I always just said something like "homebirth is safe. Do some research and let me know if you have any questions" and then promptly change the subject.

Nobody has even asked me if we have a midwife. I think that my answer would depend on who was doing the asking. For most, I would probably say something like, "we will be doing the labor on our own and have a midwife on call if we need her" (which, actually, we kind of do - she is a friend of the family and an old-school DEM and is willing to drop by if we freak out for any reason). I'm not big on outright lying, but a few omissions here and there are no big deal, IMO. Only a few close friends know of our plans to UC and it will likely stay that way.

Annabelle, is the calcium lactate to help with the pain of the muscle contractions during labor? I have heard a little about this, but not much. Do you find it helps?

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by tracymom1 

Annabelle, is the calcium lactate to help with the pain of the muscle contractions during labor? I have heard a little about this, but not much. Do you find it helps?

Yes it is and I definitely think it helps, a lot. I also take calcium the last several months to not be deficient, for leg/foot cramps. 

[SGVaughn]

would magnesium be beneficial for labor if that was your usual go to for leg cramps? I know it relaxes me a lot

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by SGVaughn 

would magnesium be beneficial for labor if that was your usual go to for leg cramps? I know it relaxes me a lot

Hmmm, well I take cal/mag in pregnancy for the leg cramps, but do take just calcium lactate in labor, reading about that form. But I am kind of set in my ways and if I try it and it seems to work I won't switch. But time for research, LOL, b/c I don't know honestly.

[SGVaughn]

ya..Im havin a hard time findin good info for calcium lactate during labor...can you point me in a good direction?

I was thinking of doing the magnesium thing during labor before you mentioned this with calcium...and now Im intriqued

my biggest stumbling block mentally is how to feel relaxed during labor...I think I lock up and get stuck at about 5 cm w/o an epidural..

this is my last go so I'd really like to see if I can get past this

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by SGVaughn 

ya..Im havin a hard time findin good info for calcium lactate during labor...can you point me in a good direction?

I was thinking of doing the magnesium thing during labor before you mentioned this with calcium...and now Im intriqued

my biggest stumbling block mentally is how to feel relaxed during labor...I think I lock up and get stuck at about 5 cm w/o an epidural..

this is my last go so I'd really like to see if I can get past this

A few from quick search.

http://www.herbs2000.com/disorders/labor_pains.htm

http://4our-health.com/healthy-pregnant/health-2040.html

Something about mag

http://www.welltellme.com/discuss/index.php?topic=7493.30

[jshannyn519]

I take mag and calcium (in separate supplements) every night or else I can't sleep from RLS. It's terrible! But the mag especially helps with the RLS. Calms Forte helps a lot too.

[SGVaughn]

good links...two mentioned susan weeds book so I went and grabbed my copy...my only hesitancy is some anecdotes of labor stalling or slowing down

but then the wise woman herbal suggests cal for stalled labor...so ..idk

I'll give it shot

and yeah, I use straight mag for leg cramps and to sleep well...it keeps me from grinding my teeth in my sleep too

[tracymom1]

Mag has been the only thing that has helped with my, ahem, bathroom issues, so I am going to keep taking that for a while. Maybe I will switch to the calcium a month or so before my due date and see what happens. My last labor wasn't that bad, but every one is different and I could use all the help I can get!

[Tumble Bumbles]

I'm going to investigating mag -- we take magnesium baths all the time for the benefits of that. I've been upping my calcium too, so maybe I'll just increase as the pregnancy progresses.

So, I picked up my medical records from the midwife today... and can I just say  . They totally falsified my records, among a couple of other things (false fundal height when they never even measured) they said they "informed me of the dangers of unassisted birth and strongly recommended against it" and all this nonsense. No one made word one mention of UC except to say they support a woman's right to birth how and where she wished.

Now, I get it. I get liability concerns and blah blah. I'm not naive. If someone would have said "As a medical professional I'm recommending against UC" or whatever,  I would have known the score, but to just outright lie on medical records so I look like a crazy nutcase and you look like the concerned party begging me not to endanger my life or my child's...annoying. All the while hugging me and wishing me well and saying you support a woman's right blah blah. Incredible.

Oh well, can't say God doesn't make the decision 100% crystal clear with no regrets, and for that I'm very grateful. So glad to be done with all that.
 

[SGVaughn]

oh man...sorry about that...I had a similar experience when I picked up my records from my old OB

and I was pretty quick to point out the discrepancies to the new practice after having read them...my favorite part is I was told when I picked them up that I wouldn't be able to understand them (so why bother?) because they were in medical shorthand.....

ummmmmmmmmm, hello,  medic...I can read them fine

something that perturbed me a ton about my records is I kept bringing up the edema I was having, my bp and my general itchiness..no one there ever even bothered to look into it but there were plenty of notes

ditto for the stage 3 pitting edema I had after delivery that they told me to use lemon water to resolve

both things my PCP freaked about when I talked to her about

OH and they had me listed as a pack a day smoker on the birth records...only I had quit 3 months before even getting pregnant...jerks

at least you know they were two faced now! and imagine if something not so good had happened with them what you would have been up against!

[jshannyn519]

I have my first MW appt this afternoon since I decided for sure that I'm going to UC. It's been rescheduled twice because of all the snow that we had over the last couple of weeks. I'm wondering how this is going to go with me knowing that the MWs won't be the people catching my baby, I will. I know how to do every single thing they're going to do to me, so I guess I'll just grin and bear it. lol

I am interested to see what they have to say about the sono that I had done last month. Everything was fine, I just want to see their interpretation of it all.

[tracymom1]

Tumble Bumbles, that is so rotten. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I can never understand why people who are supposedly supportive of natural birth would go so far as to make comments about your plans to UC in your records. As a nurse, I think I would have written something like, "Patient states exploring other birth options. Records requested and and given on (date)." And as far as the false information regarding fundal height, I would take a black pen and draw a thin line through it (leaving it legible), write 'error' next to it with your initials - just so you and whoever else sees your record is always aware of the inaccuracy.

Well, fortunately, I had the exact opposite experience with my midwife today. She was kind and gracious, let me know that if at any time I change my mind or have any general questions I can give her a call. She is going to send me some videos about nuchal cords and neonatal emergency procedures. She said that while she cannot support UC as a general practice, she believes that there are exceptions to every rule and that she feels I am one of those exceptions. We spent a long time talking about all the reasons I feel compelled to to do this on my own and I feel such a sense of peace after having spoken with her. We have paid her $1,000 so far and she is going to refund us 1/2 and send me the official ultrasound report once she has it. So nice to have a big sigh of relief!!!

Jenni, you have probably already said this somewhere so sorry for asking - are you going to continue your prenatal care with the midwives and then 'oops' or do you plan on discontinuing care at some point? Just curious!