oh, just to clarify, this will be my second VBAC. i had one of my twins born by emerg C-S (prolapsed cord). then my daughter was a VBAC. so i have done the VBAC route already, but it was 10 years ago and the image of VBAC has shifted in a bad way since then. the most frustrating part for me now is that after having done one VBAC, the risk of rupture is basically nil. so the fact that i am being treated like some kind of risk really bothers me.
DH's reluctance to home birth stems from the emerg situation we encountered with our second twin. we both feel certain that if we hadn't been near medical intervention, we seriously may have lost our boy. so he just wants support nearby, just in case. otherwise, he is all about intervention-free natural birth. to make things more complicated, we live at least 30 minutes from the hospital, depending on traffic.
i personally like the idea of an underground midwife. i just don't know if i could talk DH into it. it is worth investigating, though, so thank you for the idea. along similar lines, i have recently met a doula who i clicked with, and who is also trained as a midwife's assistant (meaning she can do internal exams and such things). she could very well help me deliver at home, if things became an "oops UC". i agree with a pp about having DH on board for an oops. i am approaching that gently as well. that's why i gave him "emergency childbirth" to read, to open that door.
thanks so much for your response and support. i feel so much that this birth is meant to be my "healing birth", the birth i have not yet experienced with my other children. this one will be smooth and uneventful and with a perfect outcome (although i must add that my other children turned out to be just perfect, too!). with these recent developments, it feels like obstacles to that birth are being presented and they need to be worked through.