Strongly Considering a UC in June '11 Tribe...support only please! - Page 3

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Awww Orangemoon, that dream sounds lovely! I love having dreams like that, especially when they leave you with such a peaceful feeling. I would love to be near the beach when giving birth, it's my most favorite place to be. We only live about 45 minutes away but it's too far for me :)

In other news mamas, I have my midwife appointment next week and I want to cancel it. I don't necessarily want to discontinue care all together yet, I want to buy myself more time to make a 100% decision. I know in my heart what I want to do, but I guess taking the jump and actually saying out loud to someone (other than dh and on here) "We are going to have a free birth" is a bit intimidating to me. I guess I don't want a confrontation? Not that I think my midwife will be ugly about it (she really is a lovely woman), but I don't even want to answer questions or feel I have to qualify what I'm saying. I don't know, maybe I'm just over thinking it. A close friend suggested keeping care and having an "oops", which would work if insurance was paying, but we have such a high deductible I'm not willing to pay which is essentially the entire mw fee out of pocket "just in case". I don't think she'd be willing to be 100% hands off-either, and if I want 100% hands-off, why not just do it alone? lol

I guess I'm in that place where "we think we want to do this" and "we are DEFINITELY doing this" meets and I'm a bit nervous.

I was seeing a hospital based midwife w/ my third, but decided at 25 weeks to have a HB instead. I was so worried about telling her, but she was totally cool. You have two options, tell her or just stop going and tell her nothing.

[Tumble Bumbles]

Originally Posted by Mamatoabunch 

I was seeing a hospital based midwife w/ my third, but decided at 25 weeks to have a HB instead. I was so worried about telling her, but she was totally cool. You have two options, tell her or just stop going and tell her nothing.

I totally have to tell her. We have a pretty tight natural living community here and she's on my Facebook friends' list (along with my first midwife...it was slightly awkward knowing my first midwife knew I didn't seek her care again). I post updates about my pregnancy (although not about UC'ing, yet) and I just would feel really awkward not saying anything and just never going again.

Ugh, I hate confrontation, even if it's pleasant -- if that makes sense. I have issues with perceived "authority" figures, though obviously I know she has no authority over me! I guess it's partially the cultural climate we live in of being taught to never question or contradict health care providers. They're the 'experts' of course.
 

[tracymom1]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Ugh, I hate confrontation, even if it's pleasant -- if that makes sense. I have issues with perceived "authority" figures, though obviously I know she has no authority over me! I guess it's partially the cultural climate we live in of being taught to never question or contradict health care providers. They're the 'experts' of course.
 

Don't think of it as confrontation!!  Its just a conversation expressing your feelings towards your impending birth.  Seriously - she wants what is best for you.  Are you able to send her and email or message on FB that gives her a bit of a heads up about what is going on in your head - making sure to say that you indeed will have a conversation with her at your next appointment?  Just to kind of feel out the waters... nothing needs to be set in stone, but I would bet that just speaking to her about what has been going on in your mind will create a sense of relief and peace within you.

I think DH and I have reached our decision.  I am going to go ahead with the ultrasound in 3 weeks and if everything looks good we will then discontinue care with my CNM.  That way what we have paid her already should be enough towards the care that I will have received so far.  My SIL (who was my rock during my last birth) is completely on board with the UC, too, and I hope she will be able to join us for the miracle!

[Tumble Bumbles]

Thanks for the advice! I'm kind of anxious about it only because although there is a natural birthing community here, they are of the "couldn't have done it without our midwife!" mindset. I don't see a lot of openness to UC, I sort of tested the waters a bit with acquaintances and oh no, 'we trust in our bodies and all but you NEED a midwife at least' seems to be the climate. As usual, I'm probably worried for nothing. It's all me -- clearly I don't feel 100% confident in my decision yet, which annoys me because I really, really want to be lol

I had my u/s just before Christmas and everything looked good -- praying for yours as well -- I know many mamas choose not to do an u/s but for me, especially considering a uc this time around it helps my confidence knowing the placenta looks good/cervix/baby etc.

The payment is an issue too. I was thinking of using that as a partial reason for the UC but I don't want to. I want her to know it's 95% Spiritual/personal reasons. The only reason money factors into it is that we'd have to pay her primarily out of pocket (very high deductible with ins) so having an "oops babe came too fast" would be incredibly expensive for us. If all it would cost would be a $15 copay I may have considered it if for nothing else but to be able to say I had a mw (for fear of CPS reasons and so on).

[Tumble Bumbles]

Edited.

Edited by Tumble Bumbles - 4/10/11 at 5:01pm

[Tumble Bumbles]

Bumping to see how everyone else is doing!

I'm feeling great. I had a couple headaches last week that I sort of got freaked out about, but everything is all good and I believe they were just run of the mill tension headaches. We began our UP journey this week, getting an automatic BP monitor (those things are so cool!) and a glucose monitor. I don't think I'll order the urine strips unless my BP strays at all (to test for protein). So far, everything is as it should be. I'm getting super excited about our UC but there is also a bit of trepidation there, too. Mostly surrounding the "what-if" factor. Not even so much a terrible situation, more like in case of a transfer being treated like a criminal or having CPS called. I have to really pray about that and work through it because I can't (and won't) allow fear to dictate my decisions.

We're going to officially let the midwife 'go' this week and I am somewhat stressing about that. I want to strike a balance between communicating it isn't about her or her care, while also being careful to not seem like I'm asking for permission (because I'm not!), know what I mean? I do like and respect her and we will be seeing more of each other likely through the natural family living type events around town so I don't want to 'burn a bridge'.

[OrangeMoon]

Everything with me is going well, it's dealing with the state that is annoying. Trying to figure out what we need for proof of pregnancy to get the bean's social security number, and no one knows what to do if you haven't gotten any prenatal care. The call center said the right people would call me back and they haven't. Government, so typical. Takes a year to answer a simple question. And then there is the worry that while trying to figure this out someone will call CPS on me. Oy vey, I guess I'll call back AGAIN.

[Tumble Bumbles]

Ugh. I swear that's like 75% of my UC concerns -- figuring out the logistics of BC, SS#, being scared of having CPS called ... even though it's legal! I hope you find the answers you need soon

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrangeMoon 

Everything with me is going well, it's dealing with the state that is annoying. Trying to figure out what we need for proof of pregnancy to get the bean's social security number, and no one knows what to do if you haven't gotten any prenatal care. The call center said the right people would call me back and they haven't. Government, so typical. Takes a year to answer a simple question. And then there is the worry that while trying to figure this out someone will call CPS on me. Oy vey, I guess I'll call back AGAIN.

[jshannyn519]

Things are going well for me over here too! I'm still seeing my midwives, even though it's really pretty unnecessary. Part of the reason is the whole proof of pregnancy thing.

Now that I have firmly decided to UC, it seems like all the worry and stress have evaporated. I don't have to worry about going anywhere, or getting childcare ready for my big kids, or what to pack, or any of that! Soooo freeing.

[Tumble Bumbles]

That's awesome Jenni! I am getting increasingly excited and confident, with a few left-over fears I'm working through.

I just got off the phone with my mom and I am seriously impressed. I shared our UC plans and she was incredibly supportive which is such a happy surprise. We fought tooth and nail over my decision to home birth dd (she is very mainstream-minded, especially medically) but in the end, she was supportive. This time she was 100% supportive of the home birth but I thought she would freak about the UC. In fact, I wasn't even going to tell her but we have very few people we would leave dd with during labor and in case we needed her to watch dd, I felt I should be honest about it.

We have had a rocky relationship in years past but it has steadily improved over the years with a lot of forgiveness on my part, empathy and compassion toward her, and exercising firm boundaries without apology. Anyway, I guess she's grown a lot too because she said (about the UC) -- "If this is what you've decided to do and you're sure, I'm just not going to worry. I'll support you in whatever way you need. It's your body and your baby and I trust you know what's best."

Chin.hit.floor.

I don't need my mom's approval. I've always done what I felt was best for my body and my life regardless,  but I have to be honest and say it helps so much to have her support. It helps to know she is willing to be here in whatever capacity I need.

[OrangeMoon]

Thanks for the support Mama  I was so crabby about it, lol. I've heard from a few people in other states it's usually as simple as going to some sort of doctor, peeing on a stick, and them confirming yes it's positive and giving you some proof of pregnancy form. I just obviously want to be sure, lol. It's just so typical that I feel great and I'm totally relaxed - until a third party has to be involved. It just affirms what I'm doing even more really. Anyway, good luck to you too, I'm sure we'll all get out of it relatively unscathed, lol. I do wear my hamsa necklace every time I call them though, lol.
 

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Ugh. I swear that's like 75% of my UC concerns -- figuring out the logistics of BC, SS#, being scared of having CPS called ... even though it's legal! I hope you find the answers you need soon

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrangeMoon 

Everything with me is going well, it's dealing with the state that is annoying. Trying to figure out what we need for proof of pregnancy to get the bean's social security number, and no one knows what to do if you haven't gotten any prenatal care. The call center said the right people would call me back and they haven't. Government, so typical. Takes a year to answer a simple question. And then there is the worry that while trying to figure this out someone will call CPS on me. Oy vey, I guess I'll call back AGAIN.

 

[Tumble Bumbles]

I completely agree with the statement I quoted.

Originally Posted by OrangeMoon 

 It's just so typical that I feel great and I'm totally relaxed - until a third party has to be involved. It just affirms what I'm doing even more really.

[Mamatoabunch]

Doing well here. I am 20, almost 21 weeks. Baby is a sluggish mover and not very active. I kind of feel that annoying, LOL. Otherwise, not much else to report on the baby or pregnancy. I have my hands in lots of other pots and this pregnancy has gone by quickly.

[tracymom1]

I am feeling liberated, joyful and altogether wonderful about deciding to UC! I can't believe how much better I feel now that I am firm in my decision (our decision, lol!). I have an appointment with my midwife next week and at that time I am going to speak to her about discontinuing care. I was just going to call her, but there are a few things I would like to communicate to her that I feel are more appropriate to discuss in person.

Annabelle, I a have a sluggish baby too! And it annoys me a little... though I know everything is just fine. Just today I started noticing much more movement and I know that before I know it, it will be near constant.

I have been starting to make a list of supplies that we will need, but I am having a hard time not going overboard. I want to keep this as simple as possible but I want to be prepared for anything. I mean, really, scissors, cord clamp, some placenta out... warm blankies... sounds like enough to me, but then I start reading stuff over on the UC forum and think I need to really stock up!

Tumble-Bumbles, it sounds like your relationship with your mom is much like mine... but I don't think I am brave enough to tell her of my plans. And I pretty much know she would have some choice, unpleasant words for me We are telling some family members and friends, but being selective in who we confide in. We have a few doctors in the family and they are pretty traditional - I don't want to set myself up for a series of lectures every time I see them for the next 4 months. That's why I am happy to have you ladies!!!

[Tumble Bumbles]

Another 'sluggish' babe here, how funny! Sometimes he goes nuts in there but other times I swear I go most of the day with only little flutters here and there -- and I'm nearly 25 weeks (due very early June, possibly late May now)!

Tracy - I'm very surprised but extremely happy about my mom being so supportive. Our relationship has definitely healed a lot this last few years (I know she thinks I'm a great mom to dd and she's shared a lot of regrets about the way she raised me) but she is very mainstream in many ways. It's just so nice to know I won't have to worry about any negativity or weirdness should he have to watch dd etc. I loved when she said "it's your body and your baby, you should birth how you want". I think I just saw a pig fly by my window lol About supplies, I'm in the same boat. I don't want to go overboard but I want to have what I need and not feel like having ___ or ___ would have been so helpful and not have had it. I am also getting a few things purely for the mental security factor, but I don't anticipate needing them.  I'm in the same boat as you are with our midwife, we are discontinuing care as soon as I can formulate my thoughts in a way that communicates what I want to effectively. Most likely this week.

Annabelle - you've been such a help to me (and I'm sure others) during this time and I consider your UC experience a blessing to us!

I feel blessed to have all of you ladies on this journey

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Annabelle - you've been such a help to me (and I'm sure others) during this time and I consider your UC experience a blessing to us!

Thank you mama! Glad I am not the only one w/ a sluggish babe. 

[grcelizabeth]

My midwife suggested that we do the educational and on-call by phone package instead because she feels we are good candidates for having a UC and money is tight for us. She does a lot of UC support and still attends births occasionally. This is really what I want anyhow, but DH isn't fully birth-trusting yet, so we'll talk about it tonight. She and myself think that after a few educational meetings for DH to dispell his fears and learn a few birth-trusting concepts around variations of normal, that he'll be supportive of UC. 

Also, we MIGHT be moving to another state if DH gets the dream job he's been waiting to hear back from and there are NO UC supportive midwives in the area and mostly hands-on. So we would be forced to UC.

[Tumble Bumbles]

Wow, that sounds like an amazing option! No one around here would offer such a 'package'. That would be my ideal -- a UC knowing I could call a midwife in case I needed any stitches or to check the babe if I felt it necessary.

Originally Posted by grcelizabeth 

My midwife suggested that we do the educational and on-call by phone package instead because she feels we are good candidates for having a UC and money is tight for us. She does a lot of UC support and still attends births occasionally. 

[sharita]

Just wanted to add my experience with hospital CNM's.  I used one for my first pregnancy. She pushed for an induction at 40 weeks exactly.  Me being a first timer went for it since my boyfriend would be able to take the day off knowing ahead of time.  She didn't even show up until time to push though I labored for 6 hours.  This was after telling me all the freedom I would have while in labor such as walking, being able to pee, etc.  She was never there and the horrible bully L&D nurses never let me out of the bed and made the squat over a bedpan to poo while on top of the bed.  After reaching 6 cm, they were totally annoyed that I kept refusing the epidural and was moving around too much to manage contractions so the monitors kept slipping and they kept having to come in and fix them.  AFter pressuring me like 10 times and scaring how on how much worse it would get and if I waited I wouldn't be able to get it at all, etc so i caved.  I was already a prisoner in the bed anyway.

My 2nd baby I was in a new state with a different hospital CNM.  She was much more "there" during my labor and did stay almost the whole time (induction) and I had lots more freedom to move and was never forced to use a bedpan.  She was very medicalized however and made me think I didn't have as many options as I did.  I just didn't feel in charge and she may have well been an OB as the L&D nurses were more nurturing and accomodating.

Next time, I went with the same practice but it was the OB in the practice that was on call the day I went into labor. (yep, this time I was 42wks plus 3 days and though i let them schedule me an induction, the day before I called and rescheduled for 3 days later to buy some time.  It worked.  She came when she was ready.

The OB was so hands off compared to the CNM's I had before.  He let me refuse an IV which was unheard of apparently, also, let me refuse AROM, and every other intervention I didnt want and never batted an eye.  I felt like finally I was in charge.

I think the difference was knowing my rights. 

My point was though that hospital CNM's sometimes are so medicalized after years of having to follow protocols and answer to OB's and follow hospital procedure that they arent very "midwifey" anymore.  More like something in between an L&D nurse and an OB. 

Homebirth midwives (the more natural the better) are a breed of their own.  I prefer Direct entry midwives though technically they arent legal in every state or just CPM's which are licensed midwives who were never nurses.  They are just more crunchy, holistic, and hands off.  Such wonderful supporters and teachers. 

I have mine lined up again but dont think I am calling until after the birth this time.  I am so excited though that I have that back-up and someone with the means to the meds I did require last time since I had a PP Hemorhage. 

Happy UCing mamas!

[grcelizabeth]

Well, DH and I talked. It's official...... WE'RE UCing! Our midwife will be doing some educational one-on-one classes with us to dispell any fears (mainly by DH) and go over what to look for normal vs. abnormal. I'm a student midwife, so I know a good amount but I still need to learn more. She'll be on-call for us by phone throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and after birth. She'll come over post partum to check on me and baby, cook a meal, and do any cleaning. I'm soooo excited!