When did you get used to your baby crying?

[triskelion]

I assume I'm not the only first time mom to feel this way but my 3 week old daughter's cries almost bring me to tears! Not to jinx myself, but we've been lucky and seem to have a pretty easy baby. She normally only cries if she's hungry and fusses if she has gas, two fairly easy things to resolve or at least give her comfort for. But the frantic wailing I've heard a few times like when she's being subjected to the bulb syringe breaks my heart. This evening she got her first real bath and I've never seen her cry so frantically-I still feel a little bit on edge.  About 30 seconds in I thought "I'm going to be the parent of the stinky kid in school because as far as I'm concerned she doesn't have to bathe again until puberty." I'm not a very high strung person so I really wasn't expecting her cries to bother me so much. So my question to experienced parents is when does it get easier to deal with a crying baby? I know logically that babies will cry even if you're doing something that is necessary for their well-being and that I'm not going to damage her or something by her crying during bath time but it's harder to get my heart to accept this fact. 

[Knitting Mama]

I don't cry when Cecilia cries anymore (9 months), but it still breaks my heart!

I wanted to offer you a tip for the bath though-- Cecilia hated it when I tried to give her a sink or baby tub bath, but when I climbed into the big tub and held her to bathe her, she was just fine.

[SilverFish]

i think i stopped responding quite so strongly to dd's cries starting around 6 months and feel less and less stressed by them as time goes by. the biggest difference is the reasons for which they cry really change as they get older. the heartbreaking sobs when she fell off the bed last month? IMMEDIATE response, heart pounding, shaking, all that. the cries she does when i try to flip her over to avoid getting poop all over her clothes and the changing table? i have a heart of stone!

now that she's 11 months, i'm even starting to see some cries being dramatized for effect. she'll fall or bump herself, and look around to see if i'm watching before bursting into tears. and i'm pretty immune to crying over things that NEED to be done, like changing diapers, going to sleep, removal of boogers from nose or dangerous items from mouth etc. it's not that real crying doesn't affect me, it's just that after 11 months, you get a bit more comfortable with their ways of communicating, and they obviously get more comfortable and secure with you.

[Melly24]

*hugs*! I remember the feeling! My little guy still cries A LOT but it doesn't rip at my heart as much any more. I think a lot of it is hormones programming you to respond to the cries. I like the quote "A babies cry is as urgent as it sounds" (or something like that...can't remember who said it)

[sosurreal09]

well DD was/is a big crier and she's 15 m/o and I still get that "OH MY GOD MY BABY!!!" instinct every tear and I run to her aide lol She used to scream bloody murder for like 4hrs a day and it was hell on earth hearing that screaming! she's very intense, the fam calls her a "drama queen"

I get like this when any baby cries though. I have literally (recently even) been at stores where a baby is crying and (not being helped) I start crying...

I have always been one of those "motherly" type of woman though, it has just intensified after having my own child.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by SilverFish 

i think i stopped responding quite so strongly to dd's cries starting around 6 months and feel less and less stressed by them as time goes by. the biggest difference is the reasons for which they cry really change as they get older. the heartbreaking sobs when she fell off the bed last month? IMMEDIATE response, heart pounding, shaking, all that. the cries she does when i try to flip her over to avoid getting poop all over her clothes and the changing table? i have a heart of stone!

now that she's 11 months, i'm even starting to see some cries being dramatized for effect. she'll fall or bump herself, and look around to see if i'm watching before bursting into tears. and i'm pretty immune to crying over things that NEED to be done, like changing diapers, going to sleep, removal of boogers from nose or dangerous items from mouth etc. it's not that real crying doesn't affect me, it's just that after 11 months, you get a bit more comfortable with their ways of communicating, and they obviously get more comfortable and secure with you.

OMG my ds does this too!!!  And has since right about 10 or 11mo!!  I'll warn you, it gets worse!  When he does it now, the crying is SO obviously fake its HILARIOUS.  Sometimes I laugh its so obvious!

I'll say I became better able to deal with the crying when he was around 20mo.  He's always been a happy baby though, so not too much crying, and then I was in a bad custody battle that really stressed me out - which made it harder to deal with his crying.

At 3 weeks though, the crying was awfully hard on me, but I'll admit I thought his first bath was hysterically funny, and I have the FUNNIEST picture ever from it.  It's one of my favorites.

[akind1]

The real cries, I don't think you ever become really accustommed too, though there are times when we are in the car when I do really have to just grit my teeth and bear it. I do try talking to him through it but it doesn't seem to help. being in the backseat with him makes it worse, because then he sees I am so close and doesn't understand why I can't get him out and soothe him.

Now, the last few weeks, he has started this screaming "cry"  that is really the beginning of a tantrum. That is the only cry really that I am working on developing armor to, because while I know he is trying to communicate his frustration with something, it is generally something he knows by now (he is almost 14 months) I either cannot or will not be able to fix for him. Like taking off his jacket while in the carseat. Or wanting down to walk where it isn't safe. Any number of things.

As for bath time, there is no reason why you need to give her full on immersion baths. You can keep sponge-bathing her as long as you like. Can you bathe with her? that might also be of some help.

[PatioGardener]

My baby also hated the bath.  I think we bathed once a month for the first 5 months .

He loves it now, so I try to get a bath in at least twice a week.  Otherwise a wet washcloth does wonders!

And for the cries, as the PPs said, your communication skills develop as you get to know each other better, and you get to know the difference between the cries.  I NEED YOU cries or I'M HURT cries get me running, while I'M FRUSTRATED or I'M BORED cries are not as heart-poundingly urgent for me anymore.

[Friday13th]

Their cries also change, in pitch and volume, until one day you hear an actual newborn crying and realize your baby no longer sounds like that.  Newborn cries are really hard to take, they're supposed to be because newborns are completely reliant on you for everything.

Also (and I always hated when people said this to me but it's true) when you have the second or third or fourth kid, you get used to them crying a little more because you're in the middle of wiping your toddler's butt or he just fell off the couch and bashed his forehead so the baby waits (and cries) for a minute or two longer than you would have ever dreamed of letting your first cry.

[memz]

Originally Posted by SilverFish 

i think i stopped responding quite so strongly to dd's cries starting around 6 months and feel less and less stressed by them as time goes by. the biggest difference is the reasons for which they cry really change as they get older. the heartbreaking sobs when she fell off the bed last month? IMMEDIATE response, heart pounding, shaking, all that. the cries she does when i try to flip her over to avoid getting poop all over her clothes and the changing table? i have a heart of stone!

now that she's 11 months, i'm even starting to see some cries being dramatized for effect. she'll fall or bump herself, and look around to see if i'm watching before bursting into tears. and i'm pretty immune to crying over things that NEED to be done, like changing diapers, going to sleep, removal of boogers from nose or dangerous items from mouth etc. it's not that real crying doesn't affect me, it's just that after 11 months, you get a bit more comfortable with their ways of communicating, and they obviously get more comfortable and secure with you.

This is my DD at almost 12 months...She will bump her head look around and if she sees me she will put her head in her hands and start wailing.

 Like the pp said, you get to know your baby and the different cries it has and what they mean, so it's easier and less stressful. And for the bath I would try to take one with her in the big tub, that's what we did at the beginning with our DD and she always loved baths!

[triskelion]

Thanks for all the replies! It really is uncanny how much a newborn wail puts you on high alert and it's interesting to hear how that baby cries change for mommas over time. Thanks for the advice on bath time as well. I think next time we attempt one, I'll get in there with her. This time I was already in the tub clothed holding her in the dishpan and got soaking wet anyways.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Friday13th 

Their cries also change, in pitch and volume, until one day you hear an actual newborn crying and realize your baby no longer sounds like that.  Newborn cries are really hard to take, they're supposed to be because newborns are completely reliant on you for everything.

Also (and I always hated when people said this to me but it's true) when you have the second or third or fourth kid, you get used to them crying a little more because you're in the middle of wiping your toddler's butt or he just fell off the couch and bashed his forehead so the baby waits (and cries) for a minute or two longer than you would have ever dreamed of letting your first cry.

I think it really depends on the child and the temperament. My DD is a very spirited "high needs" person. As an infant it led to countless hours of screaming daily, now that she's older it's less screaming but she still gets high pitched like OMG I'M DYING!!!! screaming and crying. I know it's just the way she is but some outsiders have commented like "OMG! should I call an ambulance?! is she OK?" or recently my friend asked if I had talked to the Dr about all her crying b/c it's not normal for her age...

She's just not an "average" person. She's very sensitive and shows it a lot, I have accepted it and love her very much obviously.

I know that is not the normal case though, but don't be too alarmed if you do end up with a baby/child like this. I was always searching for what was "wrong" with her convinced she must have had some sort of problem, but she doesn't it's just her.

She does still cry like a newborn though....

[ShanaV]

Agree with all of the above. I've found that the first few weeks/months -- the "fourth trimester" -- are far different than what follows. It got easier for me, probably around 5 months, when I could tell the difference between cries. And don't worry, it's not like you become immune to it, you just understand it better, and you can do the necessary things realizing that your baby is going to be OK. For us, being put into the carseat sometimes elicits some cries, but I know they will stop as soon as we get going. (Previously the screaming lasted the whole car ride, so it was pretty intolerable.)

My babies HATED baths too. It was a total scream fest. So I bathed them maybe once a week, only when they pooped (b/c they hardly pooped at that time), and I made it as quick as possible. Then magically, after 4 months, they came out of that newborn phase and started to enjoy things. They enjoyed baths! Wow! Now a bath is a great way to calm them down, actually (at 8 months). 

[FarrenSquare]

I just really try to see my son's screamy cries as his best way to communicate with me and understand that soon his communication will become more complex. To a newborn everything is new and scary, and something as simple as being hungry elicits horrible screaming, they don't understand that sensation! I'll admit there were a few times in the early weeks (esp. before we diagnosed his reflux) where his cries sent me into tears. The hormones and sleep dep. doesn't help. You are probably doing awesome, though, because the quicker you respond to your LO, the sooner they learn that they don't have to scream for attention, just little fussy sounds are all they need to get the bewb. Around 5 weeks my LO's cries started having different intonation. Already we have seen a serious decline of the waiiiiling screams unless something is seriously wrong.

[treeoflife3]

the fourth trimester was hell on wheels for me.  Kiddo's cries would put me in a right panic.  We were once driving home and she wasn't happy to be in the car and wouldn't calm down and although we were all of two minutes from home, I forced my husband to pull over because I was in absolute tears freaking out and needed to get her out and calm her down.  I knew she just wanted to be held and would go back to crying once I put her back in to go home, but I NEEDED to stop her for a few minutes because it was causing almost a panic in me.  that was one of my worst moments but her crying always stressed me out and often made me cry.

After the fourth trimester, her cries would stress me out and I'd still fee the need to react immediately, but it wasn't to the same level of freaking out and crying with her.  There was no escalating to panic.  I might get particularly stressed out and perhaps looked panicked to my husband but it was definitely not as bad.

now at 22 months, her cries STILL make me want to react immediately and just fix it, even in situations where doing so would actually be a bad thing.  I have to remind myself sometimes that some of her cries now aren't my problem in the same way that her cries were last year.  Trying to appease her every desire is no bueno hehe.  I don't get the really stressed out nervous reaction anymore though... just a tense 'gah gotta stop it!' feeling and sometimes extreme aggravation or frustration depending on my mood when she will.not.stop. even though there is nothing I can do or even should do (she can be intense and inconsolable.  If she wants something and can't have it, sometimes there is literally nothing I can do but just let her cry because NOTHING will distract her from it... unfortunately this sometimes means she will carry on for a good 10-20 minutes about me DARING to take her out of the car even though she was just hollering about getting out before we got home or getting angry with me because for some unusual reason, I won't let her play with the shiny steak knife I just pulled out of the dishwasher to put away.  Not much I can do except let her cry til she gets over it.)

I'm just not good with crying.  I'm really sensitive to sound though.  you won't find me in really large groups feeling fully comfortable and you probably won't find me at clubs or bars hardly at all if ever.  My reaction to her crying now is probably more how I respond to other loud constant sounds except her crying is more personal and has a history of me fixing it.  But yeah, i'm not used to her crying at all still however my reaction HAS evolved over time to being less intense and my reaction probably has to do with my sensory issue.

[tzs]

i'm going to say...never. (i also had an "easy" baby so the nerves are not reserved for those with the fussy ones.) yes, as they get older i think the crying got more tolerable because she could communicate better and i understood her better. so it was brief and i knew what she needed. and when toddlerhood approached the really fake cries have been a little hilarious at times. but then there are those times when it just gets at your every last nerve and you feel like you're going to lose it. for me it was always those times in the car where i couldn't really do anything. at 16 months it happens very rarely and if it does it's for a reason (usually hunger but sometimes because she's mad at her hat or something) but it is so unnerving. 

there's a reason they use babies' cries in real-life torture situation. we really are wired to respond in an anxious manner.

[sosurreal09]

just wanted to say I always responded immediately to my DD's cries and we have been AP all the way, even with the intolerable screaming for hours, but she still is spirited. She doesn't cry "like a newborn" all the time but she does do it. She just gets really really loud. she will just whine sometimes or communicate another way but she still is a crier and a screamer. If she is playing with something and gets frustrated she throws an all out scream at the top of my lungs fit, so I tend to intervene a lot before she explodes and say "oh hey good job, this is how it goes see" and just help her a little.

I never let her CIO or anything to "make her that way" it is just her

[jennybear]

DD is 13 months and really, for the first few months, she only cried a couple times (she fussed, of course, but didn't full-out cry much at all). So, I was super sensitive to it when it happened. Now that she's entering toddlerhood, she cries a few times/day (really short cries), mostly because she's frustrated or being redirected away from something she wanted to explore. That really doesn't bother me, because I know she's fine and it's her primary way of communicating upset.

Really frantic cries (getting shots, etc.) aren't pleasant by any means but since she tends to settle down pretty quickly I don't get too upset.

You're also in the post partum hormone-a-thon, so your emotions are likely to be heightened. :-)

[MJB]

I noticed around 4 months I didn't feel panicked by my babe's cries (she's my third so it might have taken longer with the others). 

[Adaline'sMama]

At around 6 months I stopped responding so strongly. For the first few weeks I would cry so hard whenever she would cry. When we were driving I just had to pull over because I was so stressed out that I couldnt focus on the road. Now that she is a little older, I feel like I can tell what her cries mean a little more, and she does more whining than crying. Those first few weeks were the hardest though. Congrats on your new baby!