Do you require "please" ? If so, at what age? If not, why not? - Page 3

[newmum35]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

You can say something politely without please and you can say please rather rudely... We encourage polite requests, but don't require please. I have met too many people who think that just because they tack "please" onto the end of "get me that M-F- piece of s***", it's polite (well maybe not that extreme but, this is the net and it's hard to differentiate between "can I have x" and "can I have x"... See?). I'd rather my kids not automatically associate please with nice and polite.

love it  LOL   so true

[newmum35]

I'd be pretty upset too if I requested something from a loved one and then they turned around and requested something of ME that I had to do FIRST before I got MY request fulfilled. It just seems wrong (and terribly rude) you know? My request was asked first, so should be fulfilled first.

 I didn't grow up in a "please and thank you" family and I'm grateful. (we do express gratitude a lot esp. when warranted) DH gets on my nerves when he tries to teach our 3 yr old table manners. You can be polite without ever using "please" or "thank you" and you can be terribly rude and use those words frequently.  Using those words frequently doesn't make you a good person.

Thank yous are acceptable but I do find "please" to be obnoxious, as one of the previous posters stated. I have no idea why.. I'm not from Asia, I just can't stand to hear it a lot (it sounds like begging to me.) I think it should be used very sparingly. I'm sick and tired of hearing overused table manners they really get on my nerves lol

[rightkindofme]

I'm not sure that I would go so far as to say it is 'required' in our house but I push pretty hard and always have.  "Please" was probably her third sign at ~8 months.  I talk about the fact that the point of manners is to make it so people are happy to help you out.  If you say, 'please' when you ask me to do something for you I feel you are acknowledging, "Hey I am asking you to do extra work and I know that it's kind of a pain".  I really appreciate that kind of notice.  I'm not mean to my daughter about it but I do say, "Oh man.  I'm not sure that is the best way to talk me into doing what you want.  Can you try a different technique?"  I'm absolutely bald-faced teaching manipulation techniques and I'm good with that. :)

[redvlagrl]

DD is 2 yrs and 3 mths. I require her to say please and thank you 90% of the time. She knows she is supposed to and says it without prompting most of the time. She also does say plase for things that she doesn't get and it is not a (huge) problem.

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by redvlagrl 

DD is 2 yrs and 3 mths. I require her to say please and thank you 90% of the time. She knows she is supposed to and says it without prompting most of the time. She also does say plase for things that she doesn't get and it is not a (huge) problem.

This. DS has been "required" to say "please" and encouraged to say "thank you" since he was old enough to ask for things (signing or verbally). I will NOT have things demanded of me by anyone, including my beloved little munchkin. I hate hearing little voices demand, "Gimme!" and seeing parents accommodate the command. I know there is a lot of gray area in between that is more acceptable and less rude than that, but it's one of my peeves. It actually came about b/c the checkout lady at our grocery store always wants to give stickers to the little ones. DS got the hang of please and thank you REAL fast when I told him he had to use nice manners or the lady might not feel like giving him stickers. (Not trying to be manipulative, that's honestly how I feel when I am spoken to rudely. I have worked in various service industries before and I really feel less compelled to be helpful when people aren't nice. The checkout lady at the grocery store doesn't get paid enough (IMO) to be bossed around by toddlers demanding stickers they're not entitled to.)

[mommybaker]

I never require my dd to say please and thankyou, but just model it.  If she is being whiny, then I remind her there are nice ways to ask for things, and then she gets it.  She also really likes the interaction of replying with your welcome.  It seems that to her it makes sense and it is a way of being nice to her mom, dad and other friends.

[New_Natural_Mom]

I don't "require" it, but I do strongly encourage it.  I believe in good manners.  I always remind DS to say "please" or "thank you" if he forgets.  He is very good about it and usually says "you're welcome" too.