Crying

[Ceinwen]

How in the hell do I stop crying at work?

I'm an RN, work in trauma/emergency medicine.

If someone yells at me (99% of the time - it's a doctor)... I cry. It really, really annoys me.

I am not sad. I am usually taken aback, or embarrassed, or most likely angry.

And I burst into tears.

Any tips? I've been dealing with this since I was a child. If I'm angry or in an argument, I cry.

Starting to be a real PITA.

[oaktreemama]

Have you tried role playing with someone to practice reacting in the way you do want? How would you like to respond?

[emilysmama]

Originally Posted by oaktreemama 

Have you tried role playing with someone to practice reacting in the way you do want? How would you like to respond?

This could be fun.  Do you have any physician friends that could come by one night to have a bottle of wine, and practice being the big bad doctor?

[laurabfig]

I don't have any advice, per se, but just wanted to encourage you that I struggle with this too.  When I get really angry, I tend to cry and it is really embarassing and feels unprofessional when it happens.  I wonder if meeting with a counselor could help you in processing WHY it might be happening.  When I was in counseling, I learned some of the reasons for why I reacted the way I did to things at work, and it helped me recognize the emotion and realize why it was happening.  I feel I can better name how I am feeling now, which helps me to not get angry as quick and therefore, not cry as much.  My therapist used to say that "anger is never the first emotion" and that is helpful.  I learned in counseling that during my childhood the message I constantly heard was that i was "worthless" and when things happened at work that made me feel that way again, I would get really angry and cry.  Now i can recognize that emotion and almost self-talk myself into a more rational frame of mind at times.  (Not that I am "fixed" :)  I still get irrationally angry at things and cry sometimes!)

[marinak1977]

No advice, but you're not alone. If I get angry, especially if someone is treating me unfairly I cry, and I can't stop. It's really irritating and embarassing, and I just hate getting to that point. So, I'm right here with you.

[Quinalla]

Same for me too, when I get really angry/embarrassed/etc. I can feel those tears forming. And yes, I hate it too, feels so unprofessional! Anyway, what helps me is trying to put things in perspective. I tell myself that (in your example) the Doctor isn't attacking me personally, that it is just the way the work with any RN. It doesn't always help, especially if I am having an extra bad day, but telling myself that I don't have to take this personally and treating it that instead of yelling they politely asked me for whatever it was, really helps me to control my reaction. I figure, they can be as big of jerks as they want to be (or don't even realize they are being), but I will take the high road and assume they meant the best by it. Folks used to tell me to get a thicker skin, but that doesn't work for me, but seeing comments and whatnot in a different light does help me. I also try to laugh (internally when externally isn't appropriate) at things instead of getting upset. Sure, if getting upset is called for, I will, but most of the time all it does it affect me and why should I let some jerk ruin my day? So reframing things people say and doing my best to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all instead of getting upset has helped me lower my incidents of crying (especially in front of coworkers/bosses) by a ton! Now it is usually just DH and my immediately family that see it and I'm ok with that

[OnEarth]

I've struggled with this since I was a child. For me at least, part of it was having a really intense emotion that I didn't know how to express appropriately. Usually it was anger/ embarrassment, not sadness. If you are anything like me part of it is that you're being yelled at by this doctor, maybe you're angry, embarrassed, a little hurt, and you are not necessarily in a position to yell back as you want to, or don't have a good method for responding. It's gotten better with age for me, but we'll see how I handle it once I'm being yelled at by doctors, I'm in nursing school, just about to begin clinicals. Breathing, digging my finger nails into my hand, focusing on something else, maybe even snapping a rubber band on my wrist, can help me to focus a little and move away from the upset. Role playing sounds like a good idea. Maybe some therapeutic yelling at a friend who can take it. Good luck!

[CI Mama]

I am like this, too, and yeah, it's a problem at work. I agree with PPs suggestions re: therapy, etc.

I have also noticed that when I'm getting good sleep & eating healthy food throughout the day, that helps A LOT. When I'm over tired and my blood sugar is low, I'm much more likely to tear up. I used to give myself a hard time for being overly sensitive/emotionally immature, etc. Now when the tears come, I think, "when was the last time I ate?"