What do you look like when your DH walks in the door and how do you greet him? - Page 8

[Aeress]

I don't do anything special, usually dinner is ready, but getting dressed for dh after a long day seems a bit much for me. If I am dressed for a meeting/event, then yes, I am put together, but it has nothing to do with dh. He doesn't dress for me.

We are pretty laid back, we do dress when we have events, church, but for each other, unless it is a "special" evening, we relax in sweats/pajamas.

[MoonStarFalling]

Several years ago my DH requested that I be out of my PJs when he got home. He also likes a nice greeting. I compromised by wearing yoga pants and a decent T shirt. I like looking half put together when I can be but being asked to look a certain way really put me off at the time. I also make sure the house is clean, dinner is cooking and the kids are cleaned up which is kind of expected of me. And I really try not to bombard him with problems unless I've had a totally horrific day. He can't stand being handed a screaming baby when he walks in the door but we all have those days.

[MegEliz]

I love reading all of these even tho i haven't made it all the way thru yet! As far as how I look when he gets home - i always look presentable. My dh is happy to see us when he comes home and i really try to be happy to see him too .. lol. .but some days (like today) i am ready to pull my hair out bc of unruly children. i try very hard to not have that affect "us" but it seems that the 5 o'clock hour is the witching hour in my house and i can't help but want to scream at someone. I feel like our greeting time is at 7:10 pm. The kids are tucked in bed and i can decompress and enjoy husband and wife time.

[Geist]

I haven't read all the replies in this thread, just the first few pages, but I have to comment. Seriously, with all the times my husband has come home in a stinking rotten mood because of something that happened at work...why is it that I'm the one who should be worried about how I greet him?? Just because I stay home? We both have bad days and how we greet each other is highly dependent on our day went. If he comes home in a stinking rotten mood, I try to be cheerful and help him feel better and let him vent. On the other hand there have been times when he's come home and I've been on the couch with my son in tears with smoke billowing through the house because I've just had that difficult of a day with DS (yea, it's happened). That's when he takes DS and gives me some time to recover my sanity and vent about how horrible my day was.

On the good days, I'm usually getting dinner on the table when DH comes home and every one's in a good mood. We wear sweatpants inside the house and I don't wear make-up, period, so I can't say I put any special effort into my appearance just because he's coming home :)

[mntnmom]

I try to make sure the first thing he sees when he comes in isn't a source of stress. I make a point to straighten up the entryway/family room, and wear jeans and a shirt. I'm usually cooking when he comes in, but the kids great him. Of course, if things are really bad that day...I don't try to hide it! We are honest with each other, but I do want coming home to be a positive experience.

[mntnmom]

And FTR, when DH stays home with the kids, and I'm out I appreciate not feeling like I'm putting out fires the second I walk in the door. Though I admit, I really don't care what he's wearing.

[Emelee]

I've read almost all the posts and this is interesting since I'm still adjusting to being a SAHM to our first baby who is 3 months. I usually wear some form of yoga/exercise pants because jeans still hurt my leftover baby chub when I sit down to nurse. I do shower every day to every other day including shaving my legs because it drives me wild to have stubble! This means that I have to have DD outside the shower in her bouncer or me somehow holding her inside if DH isn't there to watch her. I also will change clothes immediately if I've gotten food/spit up/poop on me because it makes me feel gross otherwise! I wear my hair in a ponytail or bun because it's so long that it gets in the way. I honestly am usually nursing when DH gets home and he's on his cell phone so we don't usually communicate for up to an hour after he arrives.

On days when DH doesn't leave the house he doesn't shave, shower, or even get dressed from PJ's so I NEVER feel bad since I accomplish this and more daily. I'm kind of excited to start working in a few months just so I can get dressed and KNOW I'm not going to get spit up on in two minutes. Great thread OP!

[nktigger99]

I haven't gotten to read the other responses yet but I think one big thing is making yourself feel good will always shine though to your spouse.  So if it makes you feel better and more human to get dressed in nicer clothes and put on your face and hair then that simple fact will shine though to your spouse that you feel better about yourself.  That fact alone is so important.

Me personally don't do makeup...never have and DH is 100% okay with that.  Right now I am 22 weeks preggo with twins and none of my nicer clothes fit...I am having a heck of a time finding maternity clothes that fit my belly but also fit my hips and other parts.  So I am living mostly in sweatpants (3X) and t-shirt and tank tops. I can't do much house cleaning at the moment but I try to do what I can each day...that way when he comes home he at least can see I am trying as hard as I can. Normally though I try to have clean yoga pants/pj bottoms and a nicer shirt that matches on. I try to have the kids in clean diapers and clean clothes(changed from the lunch mess that happens everday). And the house picked up, dishes and laundry done.  Of course some days are better then others mainly right now!

[Birdie B.]

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

I'm surprised at the number of responses that seem to toss having clean clothes and makeup into the same vein as an unrealistic expectation for women to be bound by beauty and unrealistic standards.

My desire to look 'put together' is really about me.  My DH is happy if I'm in sweats/grubby stuff/whatever, but I readily admit that I enjoy the appreciative glances I get when I take a few minutes to look nice.  I found that I became complacent with myself-  sweats and stretched out tshirts coupled with however my hair had landed resulted in my looking and feeling very tired and worn out.  My husband would be attracted to me no matter what I looked like, but for me to FEEL attractive and oto find interest in his being attracted, I need to feel better about myself. 

I started with small steps- I ditched the hugely stretched out sweats and instead bought a couple pair of good quality yoga pants that look half decent. The ripped and stained t shits went out the door in favor of some simple and better-fitting plain tshirts I can layer. The gigantic 3X zippered hoodie I liked to live in has been relegated to the closet, I invested in a couple better fitting layering pieces. I bought 2 pair of new jeans that fit my body as it is, instead of as it was before I had the kids. I am not willing to give up comfort, but I do want to look clean and neat, and for me I tend to favor oversized things which, while comfy, make me feel quite frumpy.

I think people need to do what works for them.

I know that , for instance, my grandmother was never without makeup, and lived in heels, skirts, stockings and garters, industrial strength bras and girdles, and blazers over nice blouses or cardigan sets up until she died.  To have been seen by anyone- including her family- in anything else made her uncomfortable.  I thought she was absolutely insane- but she really felt better and was a better partner and more productive person because she wore what felt right to her. 

I agree.  I don't "dress up" but I don't like to bum around in sweats or pjs all day - it's not my style. I have always enjoyed getting dressed and picking out an outfit for the day, so that's what I do.  I am happy not to have to wear office clothes any more, but I still get dressed in jeans/t-shirt or a skirt or something cute each day.  I don't wear makeup or do much with my hair, but I feel like I've accomplished something if both me and the baby are dressed   I don't do anything special before my husband gets home, though. I get ready in the mornings.

As for greeting, I am always happy to see him, and I love reuniting at the end of the day. Sometimes I need to vent about my day or hand off the baby right away, but usually we kiss and snuggle for a minute or two.  It's nice :)

This is all pretty easy now, let's see what I think 3 kids from now!

[xzaviers_mama]

Originally Posted by mom2happy 

he also wasnt up 6 times nursing and burping an infant.

What if you have a few kids and no help to even be ABLE to take a shower.

Im not saying it's ok to be an all out slob, but when your whole job is nursing, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, giving baths.......... why ruin nice clothing anyway? Especially if he doesnt care either way and comes home and gets in sweats?

This!  I totally agree.  I'm extremely uncomfortable in jeans while doing my "job".  Not to mention, I get filthy every single day with 4 kids in my home.  I have a 7yo, a 3yo, an 18mo, and I babysit a 4yo.  Oh, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant....lol.  I never get to shower until DH is home anyway.  I do try to wash my face and put on light makeup every morning, but that's totally for myself.  I just feel better.  I still rock my yoga pants, tank tops and fuzzy socks every single day.  

Btw, I cracked up at your original post as well!!!  It could have been written by me!  lol

[goinggreengirl]

Originally Posted by xzaviers_mama 

 I still rock my yoga pants, tank tops and fuzzy socks every single day.  

This is EXACTLY what I wear! Comfy, easy to nurse... I would hate to spend all day in jeans or a skirt. I put them on if I'm going somewhere but as soon as I get home, I'm back in my yoga pants!

[MomtoDandJ]

Originally Posted by Amanda Williams 

I once heard my DH say, "It doesn't matter how you look with clothes ON!" He was talking to his friend and was joking about how he doesn't care if I get dolled up. At all, ever.

He could care less. I wear jammies exclusively when I am at home. We have 4 kiddos, 7 and under, homeschool, and are homebodies.

I shower every other day. When I run out for errands, I do my hair and makeup and wear cute clothes. I am like two different women, LOLOL!

I am with Amanda!  Two different women most days!  My hubs doesn't care at all what I look like -- and he rarely even notices really.  I could be all glammed up or in my sweats and once I change into my pajamas if I ask him what I was wearing that day he normally can't even remember.  I do put myself together on the weekends when we're running errands, but that's about it.  (p.s... as I'm typing this, I'm in jeans, my husband's undershirt and my robe!  One step up from pajamas, but just barely! :) )

[xzaviers_mama]

Originally Posted by goinggreengirl 

Originally Posted by xzaviers_mama 

 I still rock my yoga pants, tank tops and fuzzy socks every single day.  

This is EXACTLY what I wear! Comfy, easy to nurse... I would hate to spend all day in jeans or a skirt. I put them on if I'm going somewhere but as soon as I get home, I'm back in my yoga pants!

Yep, I'm nursing my 3yo, and my 18mo.... usually in some odd position.  When I'm not doing that, I'm crawling around on the floor with them, up and down doing laundry, bent over scrubbing a bathtub, getting jelly smeared across my leg, finger painting, etc.... I might as well be comfortable.  

I do "dress up" when I go out though.  By 'dress up', I mean put on my cute jeans, boots, a decent top, and try to make sure I don't have any food or boogers stuck to me anywhere.  

[heybabyquepaso]

My goal has been to get out of my pjs. So I try to put on jeans and a shirt or even yoga pants as long as I don't wear those to bed. I don't usually get any makeup on and my hair is always in a ponytail but I'm not wearing pajamas. I kind of live in nursing tanks (haven't worn a real bra since my second trimester). I have noticed that after dinner, I usually put my pajama pants back on . I don't know if it really matters to my husband but it matters to me. My mood is better and I am more motivated to get things done (and I suppose that has an effect on DH more than anything).

[heybabyquepaso]

My goal has been to get out of my pjs. So I try to put on jeans and a shirt or even yoga pants as long as I don't wear those to bed. I don't usually get any makeup on and my hair is always in a ponytail but I'm not wearing pajamas. I kind of live in nursing tanks (haven't worn a real bra since my second trimester). I have noticed that after dinner, I usually put my pajama pants back on . I don't know if it really matters to my husband but it matters to me. My mood is better and I am more motivated to get things done (and I suppose that has an effect on DH more than anything).

[Storm Bride]

I've just started the thread, so I'll answer the initial questions, before I read all the rest of it - from the few posts I've read, I think there are going to be a lot of different opinions here:

What I'm wearing:

Very occasionally, I'm still in a nightgown or PJs, but that's not very common. Most of the time, I'm in jeans or cords (occasionally sweats), and a t-shirt. It could be an Iron Maiden t-shirt, or my favourite (and beginning to fall apart *sniff*) gargoyle shirt, or it could be a slightly dressier looking one, but it's almost always a t-shirt. I haven't put on make-up more than 3-4 times in the last 5-6 years. I don't do my hair - ever. Even for more formal events, the most I'll do is shove it into some combs, but I usually just leave it down. So, I'm not usually looking really ratty (unless I've recently been puked on, or had ds2 or dd2 grab me with mucky fingers), but I'm not "done up", by any means.

The last post i read before I decided to go ahead and post said something about how someone would feel if she came home and her dh was all ratty looking. I was the WOHP for the first couple of years dh and I were together and I didn't care what he looked like when I got home. It's just not on my radar. I also don't care if he wears t-shirts with holes in them and things like that. Clothes and appearance have never been a high priority part of my life.

Greeting:

Varies wildly. If I've had one of my more insane days with ds2 and dd2, then it tends to be a simple, and probably slightly terse, "hi". On other days, it's usually a happy "hi - you're home!". If he got home unexpectedly early, then it's usually full-on delight, as it's always a wonderful surprise to have more time with him than I expected. It also depends what I'm doing. I"m usually running behind and trying to get dinner on the table (which is more important to him than to me, anyway), in which case, I don't leave what I'm doing for a hug and kiss, but try to signal that I'm more than good with it if he wants to come into the kitchen and give me one (we have a galley-style kitchen, and I can see the front door - about 12-15 feet away - when I'm at the counter.

I try to make sure he knows how happy I am to see him, but I don't always succeed.

Bottom line is that I'm homeschooling, have a toddler, and my 5 year old almost definitely has special needs (we're just starting the assessment process), which result in repeated, and frustrating, crises every day. I'm not an efficient cook or cleaner, and we have too much stuff. By the time dh gets home, I'm usually way too overloaded and stressed out to be as happy and upbeat as I'd like, and being fake about it just doesn't work for me. I won't put the effort into my appearance, because it doesn't matter to me at all, and matters to dh very little (ie. he'd be bummed if I didn't make some effort for a special date or whatever, but it's just not a big deal, in general). We have many, many things that are far higher priorities than looking good, but not so many that are higher priorities than being kind to each other.

[Storm Bride]

So, random thoughts, now that I've read the whole thread:

1) I'm surprised by how many people here equate putting on make-up with "basic self-grooming". Even in the days when I wouldn't leave the house without the stuff, I didn't think of it as a basic grooming thing - I was just a bit neurotic. (Mind you, in those days, my make-up wasn't even remotely of the "well groomed" variety, anyway.) I like the look of eye make-up on myself, but dh doesn't care much, and I don't like the way it feels, so I only subject myself to it on very rare occasions. I don't like the feel of face makeup, except a little bit of powder blush, and I don't think the blush makes much difference in my looks, in any case. Lipstick...I don't really get lipstick. It doesn't stay on for crap. It looks worse than no make-up if it gets smeared or wears partly off. I just don't like it very much.

2) Daily showers. I don't know how anybody can stand to shower in the morning (both dh and ds1 do so, though). I can't stand it. I take a bath every other night. I see no reason at all to take a daily bath, unless I've been getting super sweaty or something. My hair also takes a long time to dry (it's long and it's thick), and I hate hair dryers of all kinds, so I wash it at night, and it's dry by the next day. Bathing/showering during the day feels really weird.

3) Different strokes, of course. I WAH for years, and had to wear a basic minimum level of professional dress (simple dress pants and a blouse/sweater were acceptable). I hated it, and I soooo looked forward to not having to dress like that, anymore. Aside from the time with my kids, the lack of expecttations over my clothing is the biggest perk of being home. I have no need to feel "put together' to get things done. I need to feel comfortable. For me, that's jeans/cords/sweats and a short-sleeved shirt, and socks. I don't like being barefoot in the house (esp. with the toddler dropping Cheerios on the kitchen floor), but I also hate wearing shoes. So...socks.

4) The two day old PJs thing is a non-issue, imo. Who cares? DH wouldn't. The only reason he'd bat an eyelash if I were still in my PJs, is because he knows they're not that comfy, so if I'm still wearing them, I'm probably not having a great day. I agree with Tigerchild that far fewer men would care than most women would think. IMO, guys don't care about our clothes, make-up, etc. even a fraction as much as most women care about those things.

5) I want dh to want me, as well as love me, too. However, I'd be crushed if I thought that meant i had to wear make-up or do my hair. He does want me - just the way I am. For me, a marriage wouldn't work based on anything else. And, I want him, just the way he is. If he stayed in his boxers all day and never brushed his hair, it wouldn't matter to me at all. He can't do that, because he's at work five days a week, and always wants to out, out, out on the other two, but it wouldn't matter to me in the slightest. He's a hottie, but it's not because he tries to be.

6) I honestly can't even imagine changing into a different shirt, just because dh was about to get home. I very, very rarely change my clothes during the day, and it takes something pretty extreme. If I got poop on my shirt, I'd change it. If I sloshed dish water all over myself, and then had to go out and the weather was cold, I'd change into a dry shirt (but I might take it out of the hamper, instead of out of my drawer). Other than that? Nope - just not my style...not dh's, either.

This has been an interesting read, I must say. I honestly had no idea there were so many people who wore make-up at home, for one thing!

[Hannah32]

I've only read about 1/2 the thread, but it's really interesting! 

My hubby SAH with our son. He usually showers when I'm here when the boy goes to bed for the night. He does tend to wear the same outfit for several days at a time. Actually, I'm the one who usually pulls out a new one for him every few days. He tends to see it in a utilitarian sense. Like "ok, this doesn't smell bad and only has a few baby stains, so it's good." I'm not complaining. There's enough laundry as is. 

When I get home from work, he gets the baby and holds him up to the window, or brings him outside if it's warmer out. The baby is always jazzed to see me and I'm always jazzed to see both of them. I think hubby is jazzed to see me too. Then, he carries the baby around to watch me while I put my stuff away. Then, we nurse. 

[number572]

Originally Posted by Hannah32 

When I get home from work, he gets the baby and holds him up to the window, or brings him outside if it's warmer out. The baby is always jazzed to see me and I'm always jazzed to see both of them. I think hubby is jazzed to see me too. Then, he carries the baby around to watch me while I put my stuff away. Then, we nurse. 

That is so cute.

[les_oiseau]

Most of the time I am wearing somehting comfortable and not looking great. Every once in a while though I will make some effort to look nice for my dh. I def don't put any pressure on it though.