What do you look like when your DH walks in the door and how do you greet him? - Page 3

[starbuckmom]

I read a book about a mom who was tired of the way she was living.  She fired her nanny, learned to cook and clean and be a  mom to her kids.  But she stressed how a stay at home mom should look/dress.  She stressed dressing in nice but casual clothes.  She liked capris and a nice shirt.  If anyone knows the book, let me know!  I can't find it.

After reading her book, I felt really guilty for the way I kept my house and the way I dressed.  I was ok in sports pants and a t-shirts.  I don't do my hair every day or put make up on.

I would like to be that mom who does dress nice everyday, do my hair, have make up on, get my nails done.

[madskye]

I work from home and usually do a quick clean up of the house and myself around 5pm. (DH gets in at 6:15)  It is a lot easier now--DD is 5 and at school most of the day.  I have lost the baby weight and we all sleep through the night...but I pretty much had the same routine when DD was a babe.  I am kind of a Fancy Nancy, by nature, though.  I feel best when I am showered and dressed and have on a bit of makeup.  As far as greeting, I give him a hearty hello from the other room and sometimes a kiss.  He has an hour plus commute and he usually walks in cranky, needs a few minutes to change and decompress when he gets in the door, and then he's back to being human.

[Chicky2]

Let's just say it's gotten better over the years, as the kids have gotten older, lol. 

I am 6 mos dready, so my hair is pretty much a mess, lol.  I try to have them all swept back somehow and as neat as they can be.  I don't always put on makeup, but I make sure to be in clean clothes, not stinky, and smiling. Unless I'm sick.  I stop what I'm doing and give him a kiss and hug (he comes to me), unless I have raw meat on my hands or something and then he'll give me a peck real quick and go find the kids if they aren't in the room.

As soon as I can after he gets home we get 30 minutes or so to play a couple of games of pool, drink a beer, and talk about whatever we need.  Now, the 4 yo hasn't quite gotten the hang of leaving us alone for that long, but we try, lol.

[ancoda]

I try to make an effort to meet him near the door with a smile and a how was your day. I do not have nice clothes other then a few skirts and nicer shirts that are for church. I am pretty sure I could count on one hand the number of times I have worn make-up since knowing my DH, so he knew when he married me not to expect make-up.

I figure if DH wants me to look nicer for him then he probably should buy me clothes to look nice in.  I own one pair of decent pants that I wear most days and a handful of non-holey t-shirts. 

[plantnerd]

Originally Posted by kittywitty 

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1 

" rel="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif">

" rel="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif">Dh would say the same thing.  Yeah right this will happen ever especially with kids runngin around.  Not EVER.  Well ask me agin when the kids are out of the house...

Same here. I talked to dh about this thread last night and he thought it was hilarious. In his words, "don't you have anything better to worry about?" (me, not you all ). He said he could care less, but yes, greeting him naked is preferred if he had to choose. He wanted to know of the people who go all out-how many kids do you have? do you homeschool? do your partners work 12 hour shifts or something? I guess our homelife is just different because I can't imagine dolling up or greeting dh at the door on his irregular schedule every 2 hours. I feel the need to defend myself with everyone claiming they would be angry or offended by not being greeted on coming home. Dh works low hours and is home every 1-3 hours in and out through the day. He comes home, I say "Daddy's home" and my 3 yo runs to him. It's not like I snub him, but no, I'm not dropping everything to greet him.

Well, I guess I'm one the "all out" ones?  I have one kid (13 months old), husband is gone from 6:30am to 6:00pm.  I just don't get how picking up the house, wearing clean clothes, and throwing on a little mascara and lipstick is considered "all out" anyhow.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by plantnerd 

Originally Posted by kittywitty 

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1 

" rel="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif">

" rel="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif">Dh would say the same thing.  Yeah right this will happen ever especially with kids runngin around.  Not EVER.  Well ask me agin when the kids are out of the house...

Same here. I talked to dh about this thread last night and he thought it was hilarious. In his words, "don't you have anything better to worry about?" (me, not you all ). He said he could care less, but yes, greeting him naked is preferred if he had to choose. He wanted to know of the people who go all out-how many kids do you have? do you homeschool? do your partners work 12 hour shifts or something? I guess our homelife is just different because I can't imagine dolling up or greeting dh at the door on his irregular schedule every 2 hours. I feel the need to defend myself with everyone claiming they would be angry or offended by not being greeted on coming home. Dh works low hours and is home every 1-3 hours in and out through the day. He comes home, I say "Daddy's home" and my 3 yo runs to him. It's not like I snub him, but no, I'm not dropping everything to greet him.

Well, I guess I'm one the "all out" ones?  I have one kid (13 months old), husband is gone from 6:30am to 6:00pm.  I just don't get how picking up the house, wearing clean clothes, and throwing on a little mascara and lipstick is considered "all out" anyhow.

I suppose it's a lot easier when you don't have 5 kids (2 with special needs and a third that is circus material)? I don't consider that all out except for the fact that I would feel like I'm getting ready for a date. Do you keep lipstick on when your dh is home all day? Maybe it's just that I hate lipstick and with all the kid kisses I give it would be gone in minutes anyway? I'm not saying you're wrong for doing so, I just know it's totally not feasible for most people. And by all out, I personally meant greeting your partner at the door with conversation and getting "gussied up". I wear makeup almost everyday anyway so I didn't take some makeup into the equation. And I'm not trying to pick on anyone, I just don't get the attitude that people would be angry or offended by coming home to a partner that hadn't xyz. Or judging other people for not doing so as well. It's life. It's messy and imperfect. I wish I could do a million things different in a day, but I'm juggling so much, I feel happy not to have pulled my hair out by bedtime. Having my dh be mad at me for not having lipstick on or not having showered that morning (I shower at night anyhow) would be a dealbreaker in my relationship. It's so petty.

[SashaBreeze]

I pretty much agree with everything KittyWitty just said.

I also feel that picking up changes dramatically when you have a large number of children home all day versus just you and one kid.  I remember being home with just one or for that matter my second child as well.  Picking up was not a big deal at all.  Now that I have 7 children?  One that is autistic and gets into EVERYTHING?  Well, picking up looks a little different to me now.  It is more of an ongoing process vs. a do this at x time and be done sort of thing.  Chores are never "done" in a household our size.  That was very, very difficult for me to understand until a few years ago.

I would never ever judge anyone that did either sort of greeting.  I think part of that is because I have been two very different mother/wife in my life.  When I only had 1-2 kids everything was in its place, and everything done in time.  I even ironed my bedsheets.  As our family progressed I had to choose to let things go slowly over time as their existence in our lives became more of a burden than a blessing.  Basically I moved from being a Bree to being a Lenette...

That being said I do have some, ummm, reservations about a man that would insist on being pampered and greeted by a wife dressed to please everyday.  Not a man that enjoys this, I think most men would, but a man that gets angry if it is not done.  A man that expects it as an entitlement would worry me. 

[mamazee]

 

That being said I do have some, ummm, reservations about a man that would insist on being pampered and greeted by a wife dressed to please everyday.  Not a man that enjoys this, I think most men would, but a man that gets angry if it is not done.  A man that expects it as an entitlement would worry me. 

This is my thought too.  If the woman likes to do this as well, then it's great for the two of them, but I would be really bothered if my dh felt entitled to something like this.  It would make me very uncomfortable.  Not if he liked it, as I agree most men would, but if he expected it or got an attitude about it.  It just isn't someone I'd choose to be married to.

[babydanielsmom]

Ok, I guess I'm from the "All Out" party here. Although what I consider to be going all out is different that some here. To answer Kittywitty's question... I have 2 boys. Ds1 is 3 yrs old and is  sooo active it's like he has springs in his a$$. . Ds2 is 7 months (teething and learning to crawl). My Dh is a web developer and works roughly from 7-5:30 M-F. We have a fairly large house to keep clean, and no I don't have any outside help. As a former home schooler I plan to home school all my kiddos. I think the thing that helps me with the whole hair/make up thing was finding a haircut that can be easily and quickly styled. Oh, and that "everyday" makeup I wear is hardly Hollywood Glam. I wear Bear Essentuals mineral makeup and mascara. Honestly it takes very little time to get ready for the day ...I suppose it 's just routine now. All that being said, I do it as much for myself as I do my Dh ...NEVER one has he suggested I had to look/dress a certain way ... that would be ridiculous.

[Koalamom]

Originally Posted by kittywitty 

I suppose it's a lot easier when you don't have 5 kids (2 with special needs and a third that is circus material)?

Hey I have one of those too! LOL!!

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1 

Originally Posted by kittywitty 

I suppose it's a lot easier when you don't have 5 kids (2 with special needs and a third that is circus material)?

Hey I have one of those too! LOL!!

We should get them together for their own troupe.

[Tumble Bumbles]

I agree with all the below quotes.

I try to look halfway decent when dh comes home, both for myself and for him. This takes literally 5 minutes or less -- comb hair, brush teeth, put on a clean shirt, a shower or at least wash face, maybe some lip gloss if I'm feeling dangerous haha. I think these things should be done daily anyway, (save the lip gloss obviously). Gosh, I realize people have very busy lives and stuff happens (illness, particularly crazy day, early or very late pregnancy fatigue/illness, kid throws up on you at that moment, and so on) but generally,  if someone literally cannot carve out 5 minutes out of their day for themselves and their very basic grooming, I think that's bordering on some mommy martyrdom going on (flame away).

We greet DH with love, we miss him, he is my soulmate, he misses us, and he works hard to provide me with my dream of being able to have babies and stay home with them. I think of all the effort people make to look nice/act loving for people they are just starting to date, but people who they love and have loved them for years and years don't deserve the same effort (even at the most basic level). It's odd. No one is saying put on heels and an evening gown.. 
 

Originally Posted by plantnerd 

I try very hard to be in at least jeans and a clean shirt with my hair fixed.  Makeup optional, but I like to throw a little on each day.  Now, maybe that doesn't happen until noon, but I personally feel better when I'm presentable, and also I'm ready to go anytime the mood strikes to get me and the boy out of the house.

As for him coming home, I let D greet him (so cute- 13 month old, running to the door. arms over the head, squealing DAA!  DAA! DAA!), and the dog of course pushes in, and I will follow with a hug and a kiss and a how was your day sweety?

I don't think it hurts a bit to make him know he's appreciated and that we are thrilled to see him at the end of the day.  It's a minute out of my time, but I know means the world to him.  He works all day for us, and misses us, and we miss him.

 

Originally Posted by plantnerd 

Wow, I'm kind of surprised by some of these posts. 

I can't step into anybody's shoes or live their life, nor dictate what they're comfortble with, but honestly, I'd be po'd if I came home to my hubby wearing the same ratty stuff he had on when we went to bed last night, not bathed, and he grunted at me or said "oh, hey" when I walked in the door.

To me, if I was the one working, I would be getting up to an alarm in the dark, getting dressed for work, and leaving without seeing my family.  To come home to that would just seem unfair to me, and a bummer.

I bet I'm going to get flamed for this...  sorry in advance

 

Originally Posted by babydanielsmom 

NO FLAMES Plantnerd, I totally agree with you. I always wonder how I'd want Dh to look if He were the SAHP...the answer is not as if he's just rolled out of bed. For me that would be a major turn off. I try to look somewhat put together when he gets home ( make-up (most days) hair fixed ect) I mean come on, he been at his office all day he's doesn't want to come home and see me looking blah, kwim.

when he come home (after DS1 screams to the top of his lungs DADDY"S HOME) we always kiss, ask each other about our day, and listen to each other not just go back to doing whatever. I suppose it's like this ...I treat him the way I'd want to be treated if I worked outside the home. I think being a SAH ( Mom or Dad) is not a license to let ourselves go. I try to "doll" myself up a little not just for my Dh but to look pretty for me as well

 

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom 

I make a big deal when he comes home, but not in a "glammed up" way.  We stop what we're doing, pick up the house quick, and run down to meet him at the door.  It's the kid's favorite part of the day.

I don't dress up.  But I try to be at least clean and not stinky.  Change my t-shirt or something.  Dh is not looking for me to be gorgeous and glamorous (thankfully)

[babydanielsmom]

This  exactly....
 

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Gosh, I realize people have very busy lives and stuff happens (illness, particularly crazy day, early or very late pregnancy fatigue/illness, kid throws up on you at that moment, and so on) but generally,  if someone literally cannot carve out 5 minutes out of their day for themselves and their very basic grooming, I think that's bordering on some mommy martyrdom going on (flame away).

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

I try to look halfway decent when dh comes home, both for myself and for him. This takes literally 5 minutes or less -- comb hair, brush teeth, put on a clean shirt, a shower or at least wash face, maybe some lip gloss if I'm feeling dangerous haha. I think these things should be done daily anyway, (save the lip gloss obviously). Gosh, I realize people have very busy lives and stuff happens (illness, particularly crazy day, early or very late pregnancy fatigue/illness, kid throws up on you at that moment, and so on) but generally,  if someone literally cannot carve out 5 minutes out of their day for themselves and their very basic grooming, I think that's bordering on some mommy martyrdom going on (flame away).

 

I don't get the impression that this is what people are talking about.  There is a difference in my interpretation between dolling up and putting on a clean shirt.  Personally my desire for basic grooming has nothing to do with looking like a proper wife-object for my husband .  Why on earth would it?

Anyhoo, to answer the original query, my DH could care less what I am wearing when he gets home.  He is more interested in how my day was and what we are doing for dinner.  Oh, and seeing the kid.  What I am wearing/look like is waaaaay down the list of concerns.

[mamazee]

Well I brush my teeth and all that every day, but it has nothing to do with greeting my husband after work.  I think we're talking past each other.  I thought the question was whether you do something special for your appearance when you greet your husband, not about whether you wear a clean shirt everyday.  But maybe I'm confused.

[sagewinna]

I am dressed, usually with an apron 'cuz I'm sloppy when I cook. I always wear a skirt. Whatever I am wearing for the day is what I have on when DH comes home, though I wear slippers in the house instead of my shoes. My hair is done also, I feel better when I look put together. My days are full of running around, and I am not comfortable doing that in sweats.

The living room and dining room are picked up before dinner, and I am usually finishing putting that together when DH comes home. He comes into the kitchen, kisses me, then goes to change clothes and then we eat.

It's not about what he expects, it's about how I like things. :)

I homeschool a 2nd grader, an 8th grader and a Junior in high school.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

Well I brush my teeth and all that every day, but it has nothing to do with greeting my husband after work.  I think we're talking past each other.  I thought the question was whether you do something special for your appearance when you greet your husband, not about whether you wear a clean shirt everyday.  But maybe I'm confused.

You're right.

And martyrdom? Seriously? You can not possibly understand every family or home's dynamic. I know several mothers who have special needs kids who do not have the chance to do basic grooming before their partner comes home. Like my grandmother who always cared for her sister with CP. I stayed with her a lot, as well. She bathed, dressed, and did her hair once my mother came to pick me up from school because she was too busy caring for her bed-ridden sister and feeding and sewing new clothes for me. She wasn't a martyr, she was a good person whether or not she had her nice clothes on at 3 pm. It was a heck of a lot easier to look nice and clean up when I had one or two low-needs children.

[Bebe's Mom]

I try to take a shower every day because it makes me feel human..Sometimes it doesn't happen. I too, wear yoga pants mostly, but I also wear jeans or cords(winter here) and a nice top from Old Navy, because then it doesn't matter if it gets stained. In the summer, it depends on how hot it is, last summer I wore as little as possible because it was over 90 degrees and 100% humidity every single day...DD usually just wore her diaper unless we were going out. Minimal makeup, and I always have my hair up because DD pulls on it otherwise. usually a sweater too. DH could care less what I am wearing. He likes it when I look nice, but he wouldn't say anything either way, I am sure if I asked him he would agree with the naked comment up thread... I prefer to look somewhat put together, for myself, it makes me feel better and helps my self esteem tremendously. If I looked like crap, I would feel like crap too. I also put DD in presentable clothes. If she puts half of her lunch on her shirt, I usually change it. She refuses to wear bibs. Luckily she is finally letting me feed her with a utensil, so she doesn't get as dirty as she used to when she would self feed.

DD is not a snazzy dresser, he has a blue collar job and wears raggedy clothes to work, nice clothes would be ruined. Then on the weekends, he wears old clothes because he is usually working on one of our three cars-his hobby. If we go out, I insist that he wears his nice clothes...If I don't say anything, he will wear his stained holey pants-with a nice sweater, lol.

[MsFortune]

When I had a newborn I was glad to see DH walk in the door because that would be my chance to take a shower / brush my teeth.  

I'm a girly-girl, and I like make up and getting dressed up.  But when I am home with the kids, my looks are the last thing on my mind and I dress for comfort.  No make up, hair in pony tail, yoga pants and flip flops.  I assume he does not care - it honestly never occurred to me to worry about it.  

DS gets all excited when DH comes home so he is usually wrapped up in that for a while.  I always greet DH - kiss him if I am up - say hi.  Then he goes and makes dinner.   

[treeoflife3]

I think everyone is talking about different things.  There is a difference between putting on nice clothes (I don't consider a pair of jeans and a tshirt nice, but some people do so there is a difference as well!) and make up and brushing your teeth JUST before partner gets home and making sure everything is perfect and pretty a la june cleaver, and wearing something halfway decent and having brushed your teeth at SOME point during the day, and maybe even doing more than a ponytail with your hair.

Looking nice/decent because you  do that generally at some point during the day and it carries over to when your partner gets home is different I think than making sure you look nice/decent ONLY because your partner will be home within the next 10-20 minutes or so.

With that said, I don't think being in ratty stained pajamas for the third day in a row with your hair in an an brushed ponytail is necessarily bad either.  If everyone is alive and well and the partners aren't in the middle of an ongoing argument that creates a coldness when the out of home partner gets home, then thins are probably okay.

For myself, sometimes I'm in the ratty pajamas for the third day in a row  but this is usually on days where I've done a ton of cleaning and haven't left the house.  On days where I leave the house OR I haven't done much that my husband can see upon coming home, I'll usually make an effort to put on nicer clothes sometime before him getting home.  It is a psychological thing though.  He struggles with the in home/out of home parenting thing.  Days where he comes home to the house a mess, he has a hard time realizing its because kiddo was a struggle that day so I spent a great deal of time giving her whatever it was she needed which took me away from cleaning and such.  When I look like I got dressed and cleaned up a bit, he generally thinks I've done more than he can see.  Its silly but its him so I go with it.  It keeps us from fighting about how I don't do anything during the day while he is working hard which I know isn't true (melt downs all day is hard work!) but he just doesn't GET that when the dishes have piled up and laundry isn't done.

Of course, I also have plenty of days where I change out of my pjs (which are just sweats by the way) and have showered and everything by 10am (early for me :D) and it has nothing to do with anyone but me (or a shower was just the only thing that helped my kiddo out of a meltdown.... )

however, my worst days where I look like crap all day and I've done little at all I chalk up to the health issues I deal with.  I have a whole list going that makes life a struggle for me.  He also doesn't understand this so much as its nothing you can see (things like depression and severe anxiety and other issues caused by a junky thyroid) and he hasn't experienced it either.  It causes friction but while I work on getting healthy, he is working on sensitivity and empathy.

He would never expect me to be dressed and lovely every single day though.  He DOES like to be greeted however.  I usually get kiddo excited when he pulls up so by the time he comes in the door she is yelling for him.  It keeps me from having to jump up immediately if I'm in the middle of something, or it gives him time to relax after work before getting to me since he can come home pretty crabby and he is better about putting it aside for kiddo where he sometimes releases it on me (just short and gruff, but enough to annoy me) so its a win win all around.  He gets greeted, kiddo is happy, and I can finish what i'm in the middle of and not have a crabby husband :)

We only have one child right now though.  I'd label her borderline high needs (and now a toddler who isn't very verbal yet which is driving us both insane!) but still, one kiddo is a lot easier I think than a bunch of kiddos or special needs kiddos or what have you.  Had I had twins, things could be a lot worse here!  I didn't enter into motherhood and SAHMing gracefully.