My little boy does not want to go with his Dad

[MalibuDarby]

Hello, My name is Michelle I have a little Boy that will be 4 in February. I was never married to his father, he was not planned. When I first told his dad I was pregnant he pretty much disappeared. He had no interest in our sons life until he was about 2 and a half. Anyhow his Dad got a girlfriend that has 2 kids so he filed for custody out of the blue. My son has to go every other weekend and hates overnights! Its so sad to see him go its like he is being kidnapped right in front of me :( We decided because it was so traumatic when the little one has to go, that we would stop overnights. It kind worked. He didn't completely freak out when his Dad picked him up. Anyways his Dad informed me in a text last night that he is going back to overnights, and the little one will be fine. I cant do that to him! Maybe I will just go to jail if I don't cooperate? I don't know what else to do. PLEASE HELP.

[Jmagsmommy06]

  I'm so sorry ... I feel your pain, trust me. My son will be 5 in April, we are going through more custody crap and his dad has filed for full custody (which he isn't going to get). Anyway, my son loves his father and wants to see him occasionally, however he has gotten to where he doesn't want to go at all anymore, let alone for overnights. It breaks my heart ... the last two nights, I have had to go to work and left him with my mom and she has had to literally pry him off of me because he was screaming and crying for me. He said he didn't want to go to his dad's, he had seen him enough. Unfortunately, I have to let him go even though he doesn't want to .... otherwise, I will be held in contempt of the parenting plan and to to jail for 10 days. As much as I want to say to his father, sorry he's staying with me, going to jail and it possibly causing his father to gain more custody is just not worth it. I have sat and talked to my son and tried to soften things and make it easier, by telling him how "soon" he will see me again instead of dwelling on him going to his daddy's and how long he will be there. This seems to get his mind off things and calm him a little. It's not a complete relief or fix to him, but it does help. I document every time it happens and things that are said. It may or may not help any with my case but it can't hurt. I don't know that a 4yo's choice will matter to the judge either, but I am willing to try .... I understand it's hard. I've cried my eyes out and stressed over it myself, but unfortunately being a mama isn't always pretty and easy, because we have to make the hard decisions even though at the time it breaks our hearts to see our children hurting ... but in the long run and the grand scheme of things, it will be best. One, because if you're in jail, who will the child be with .... his father more than likely. Not only that but you being arrested for that will not look good on you or your case when you go back to court. Sometimes we just have to be the better person and just try to make it easier for our kids. I do not talk badly about my ex in front of my son as I will allow him to make his own opinion about his father. He will be allowed to see all of my documentation, court papers with the very False accusations his father has made against me in an attempt to gain full custody because he wants to "play" family now that he is married. Just stay strong and things will be better  .... Good Luck ! 

[BabyBearsMummy]

My DD currently 4.5 has expressed many times that she like to go to Daddy’s but "hates" overnights. Funny since we don't use that word in our home. She would be very happy if she could continue to go to Daddy’s EOWE but return home at night to sleep. DD is always super clingy and a miserable mess for the first few days after her parenting time with Daddy and it breaks my heart every time. I have often wondered to my mother exactly what is going on at Daddy’s to make her so very upset. But her father turns a deaf ear to our daughter’s unhappiness because it is not about what is best for our daughter but how the 30 minute maximum round trip would inconveniences him. I try to remember that our DD will know when she grows how very much Mummy loves her and it helps to keep my patience with her and her father. In the meantime I try to help my daughter see how overnights at Daddy’s could be fun whenever she brings it up hopefully making overnights less difficult for her.

[hillymum]

My 6 yr old has been the same way. Though I hate overnight eowe visits I try to sound really enthusiastic about them. They get to do things with daddy they don't do with me (I have 3 children), eat loads of fast food and get loads of candy (everything they don't do with me!). I will also tell the boys how I too have things planned for myself while they are gone.

    I've been at a loss on some fridays though, when faced with a screaming child not wanting to go with daddy, oe even a 10 yr old boy not wanting to go. It's Mama Bear Hell! My heart goes out to you and your son!

[NolaRiordan]

I know how heart breaking this is. I want to scoop mine up and move out of the country sometimes. But not allowing the visits is just going to lead to more problems and more suffering for your child.

I would document issues with behavior and anything else you notice after the overnights. If there's any hope of getting this overturned you're going to have to really document any issues it causes for your child. Does he go to preschool or day care? If so you could ask your providers to be on the look out for any ill after effects of the overnights.

As others have said be positive about the visits. Would your X allow your son to take a special pillow or blanket or stuffed animal?

Really I think the best thing you can do for your child is to set up the overnights to be as positive as you possibly can.

[MalibuDarby]

The problem is, hes not my ex. We never dated. He just started being in my child's life for about a year. My son is almost 4. 

I'm at a loss here. I just don't know what to do??

[One_Girl]

I suggest not doing anything that could put you in jail and not going against the court order.  You could wind up losing all custody and it will happen whether they put you in jail or not.  It is not fun to have to give access to someone who really doesn't seem to have your child's best interest in mind, but going to jail isn't going to make that any better.  It may go better now that your son is older and knows his dad more.