Thinking of trying for #2, but I have some fears.

[GuavaGirl]

So, it's that time again.  I'm thinking about when to try for baby #2 and suddenly I'm kinda stressed out about.  I thought I would just list my fears and I'm sure some have had the same feelings and some that have been there can give me a few words.  

Here it is, straight out of my journal:

1.    First, do I want 2 or 4? If I have 4, I'd want a 2 year spacing, so that means getting pregnant around june.  If I just want 2, I might space them 3 years.  How many can I sanely handle? 

2.  How will this affect my current baby?  I feel like there will be so much less time and energy for him.

3.  Who will watch my son while I go to dr. check ups, chiro appt's,  and when the baby is born?

4.  I have no family in town, and I'm not too into babysitters.  Will I be able to manage with 2+ kids?

5.  Morning sickness. Pregnancy tiredness!  I had it for 14 weeks last time....but I didn't have to take care a toddler meanwhile.

6.  Labor.  I'm a little scared of it.  My first was 36 hours long, back labor, posterior, no meds, big tear, 2 hours of pushing.  

7.  What if it affects breastfeeding?  What if breastfeeding harms the little fetus.  

8.  Finding a new CNM.  We moved since I last gave birth.  I don't even know anyone in town to get recommendations.  

9.  General fear of pregnancy complications, miscarriage, etc. 

10. Four kids? I think I want it.  Can I do it?  ...and not go crazy?  ...and still be fulfilled in other areas of my life?

I kinda sound like a mess.  :)

Thanks.

[akind1]

1st off, breastfeeding will not harm the pregnancy one bit. Now, it may make it more challenging to get pregnant - women  who breastfeed get pregnant every day - but for some of us, it might cause you to not ovulate, or maybe not have enough lining for implantation, etc.

with that in mind: the spacing you want and the spacing you get maybe two different things, which is why if you are keen on more, I say go ahead and try, as it may take longer than you think.  (or not, and they would just be closer together in age)

I think having another opens up a lot of opportunity for dad to be involved. and that is a good thing. let him step up and take over when you are pregnant and have a new baby.

I say try to find a group of like minded moms - I have met some great women through church, and the Holistic Moms Network that is local to me, or LLL may be an option. You can do trade off sitting.

Birth fears are normal and natural I think, as are pregnancy ones. I try to remember that every pregnancy and every birth is unique, what happened with one will not necessarily happen with the next. I had a c-section with my first and I really, really don't want another. I also try to forget all the mamas that tell me their second pregnancy was way worse than their first. If I want more, and I do, then I will just have to woman up and deal.

As for number . . . I know I want more than 2. I know I want the second one soon. (DS is almost 14 months) I wanted to wait until he had breastmilk the first year. If my supply dries up and he weans while pregnant, I am content with that. Had we gotten pregnant before 12 months and lost our nursing relationship, I would have been much more devastated I think. Only you and your OH know how many will fill your baby quota. I take one baby at a time (unless given multiples) - maybe I should say one pregnancy at a time.

[Peony]

My spacing has varied from each child, and yes the more I have, the closer together they end up being just because I don't want to do this forever and I am already not sleeping, etc... I've done a 3y10m spacing and then it looks like #3 and #4 will be 2y3m apart, my closest and a spacing I am not that thrilled about, it is too close for me. Sane? I don't know if I am sane anymore! 

It does affect the current child, it is impossible not to, but it can be done as gentle as you can, some child react differently though. A new baby doesn't phase my oldest at all, my middle child however, she is very sensitive and it is rough on her. Back when I did prenatals I took the other children with me, same for chiro appointments, now there are too many to do that and after #3 was born we started using babysitters, now I have 3-4 I can call. For me, since DH is never around to help, the more children I have, the more I have to let go of things like not using sitters. There is only so many children you can wrangle while attempting to get your teeth cleaned, or sitting there holding a hand of a 7y while she gets a root canal. 

Breastfeeding, if you are thinking about getting pg while still bfing then I suggest reading Adventures in Tandem Nursing, it is the only book that talks about nursing during pg and beyond. While it won't harm the fetus, there is some debate about the safety of it for mothers who have a history of preterm labor. It isn't always easy on the mother. Most women will have decrease in milk supply or lose it all together, some maintain a full supply but not that many. There is nothing you can do to sway one way or the other, all has to do with hormones. I nurse during my pgs because it was my choice to get pg but I hate it. Literally. The nipple pain is really intense for me. 

All the other fears are normal, what happens if you are really sick during pg, etc... There are no clear cut answers for anything, you manage, deal day by day, or even hour by hour. My oldest was close to 4 when #2 was born, thank goodness. #2 ended up getting very ill as a newborn, months were spend in and out of hospitals, I bascially ignored DD1 all that time, I had no choice. It was all I could do to keep DD2 alive and myself surviving. She is 8 now and doesn't remember much of it, she remembers DD2 being sick but not of her really not having a mother for 6+ months. We went through that again today, we'd end up hiring lots of help, there would be no other way, you just do what you have to do. 

I don't think it is too much to plan ahead, if I am really sick, then what can we do. I am a planner others might not be, but these are all things I do think about before adding another child into the mix. 

[Mosaic]

1. First, do I want 2 or 4? If I have 4, I'd want a 2 year spacing, so that means getting pregnant around june. If I just want 2, I might space them 3 years. How many can I sanely handle?
Can't answer that one for you, but I can say that the issue of spacing became a non-issue for me after a year of TTC. Sometimes we have to let some things go.

2. How will this affect my current baby? I feel like there will be so much less time and energy for him.
There will be. But he'll have a sibling, and that more than makes up for what energy you need to share with the new baby.

3. Who will watch my son while I go to dr. check ups, chiro appt's, and when the baby is born?
He may be able to go with you to some appointments, and I'm sure that you can find some kind of game plan. You have several weeks even after the bfp to figure that out.

4. I have no family in town, and I'm not too into babysitters. Will I be able to manage with 2+ kids?
yup. Lots of us do it.

5. Morning sickness. Pregnancy tiredness! I had it for 14 weeks last time....but I didn't have to take care a toddler meanwhile.
Stinks. I was sick for 8 full months, and DH worked second-shift while I WOH full-time. It was miserable, no doubt; but also temporary.

6. Labor. I'm a little scared of it. My first was 36 hours long, back labor, posterior, no meds, big tear, 2 hours of pushing.
Sounds like me. Baby 2, I worked half a day in the office and had a baby 3.5 hours later. It only took that long because I didn't want to have her in the car!

7. What if it affects breastfeeding? What if breastfeeding harms the little fetus.
You'll see lots of different opinions and experiences on this board. I don't think breastfeeding harms the new baby at all, but I personally couldn't do nursing while pregnant.

8. Finding a new CNM. We moved since I last gave birth. I don't even know anyone in town to get recommendations.
Ask here in Finding Your Tribe!

9. General fear of pregnancy complications, miscarriage, etc.
Those fears are always there. But you have one beautiful, healthy baby, and there are good odds you will have another!

10. Four kids? I think I want it. Can I do it? ...and not go crazy? ...and still be fulfilled in other areas of my life?
Work on #2 first, then worry about 3, THEN 4.

[youngspiritmom]

It is so cute that you posted right out of your journal! I too have fears about conceiving #2, and wrote a little list in my journal!

Thanks for sharing, mama!

I think that you will know you are ready when:

you can kind of group all the fears together, and say, if I got pregnant, these things would work out, and it might be hard, but it wouldn't be too bad. It would actually be pretty great.

If you can feel/sense/say that, peacefully, without having a nagging wait! no! doom! feeling, I'd say you're ready. :) At least that's how I'm going about it.

[GuavaGirl]

Thanks everyone for the reality checks and practical solutions.  I really appreciate it.   I actually vented it all to Dh a few nights ago.  I cried,(I didn't realize it was bothering me that much) let it all out, we went through everything one by one, with a solution or different positive way to think about it.  Honestly, I really feel a lot better.  And, yeah, I really don't feel that doom feeling.  I feel at peace and excited about it.  Sometimes you just have to get your feelings out, address them, and then they float away.  (sometimes)

As for breastfeeding, I'll play it by ear.  Ds will be 16 months when I plan to start trying, and if I stopped then, I would feel okay with that.  I would even consider it a pretty big accomplishment.  Who knows, he could self wean by then!

Oh man, this baby stuff is the craziest, hardest, best ride I've ever been on.