So down about this infertility thing :(

[tryingfortwo]

I'm not sure why, but the last two cycles have had me really, really down.  Like verging on tears, bad mood, obsessing about not getting pregnant.  We've been trying for 2 years now, and for the most part I've actually been pretty okay about it all, so I don't know why I feel so down lately.

I finally stopped nursing my 3.5 year old in November, so maybe I had higher hopes for my first cycles without nursing?  I also started acupuncture last cycle - I didn't have unrealistic hopes that it would work right away or anything.  And then I got a prescription for Clomid to start this cycle, but DH and I decided at the last minute not to take it.  Now we're trying to get an appt with a fertility specialist, and I also want to see if I can get a free initial consultation with a naturopath recommended by the acupuncturist.  All of a sudden, I'm feeling this frantic need to figure out what's wrong - whereas during the past 2 years, I was way more laid back about it.  I don't know why I'm obsessing about it all of a sudden.  Maybe it's the uncertainty of it all - tests haven't found anything wrong, so there's nothing to fix.

All I know is I hate feeling so down, and I worry that obsessing about it is just going to make me feel worse, and definitely not help us get PG.  Fertility sucks :(

[lifeguard]

Whenever we reach a point where the stress & upset of infertility is becoming overwelming we take a month or two off (we're currently in a two month break between cycles). Sometimes it's hard to accept that that means it will definitely be that much longer until I'm pregnant but overall the break from the demands of ttc with infertility is much needed.

[Lega]

Hi

I know how you feel...I think all of us get ups and downs,,,We have been trying for 2 years two and all my friends have babies, am only one left behind,,,It hurt at first, I hate myself, was mad at myself that I can't function as a normal female,,,felt sorry for us. Now I got over it, decided to see RE and have fresh hope. The worst thing is that all tests came back good so its unexplained infertility.

How did you get pregnant with the first one? I think you made right decition to see RE. And I would wait with the other things till you will know whats wrong with you, because you don't know what you need to work on. The only thing you should keep up - high level intimacy with your DH. Good luck to you!

[Kewpie80]

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  I have sure had my share of ups and downs (more downs than ups) and I've had that same laid back feeling that changes to frantic wanting.  You are not alone for sure.  Hang in there.

[dot1]

 I hear you, mama.  Similar situation for us.

Totally natural/normal to go through obsessive phases.  It's all part of the process of emotions (and grieving to a certain degree).  Whenever I get my period, I feel like the life is bleeding out of me.  The way I look at it, is that a certain amount of obsession is necessary to reach a certain level of being informed....and at the end of the day, I , personally, would rather look back and be able to say I did everything I could (within means) when I could (as opposed to learning too late about something that may have helped).  I feel in our case, my obsession is serving a purpose.  Even if we don't conceive then I'll probably be at more peace with it if I feel I gave it our all.

I wish I knew how to not be down about it too though :(

Hopefully it's just our hormones needing time to normalize again after weaning.

I found a good read that addressed the emotional aspects of infertility was "A few Good Eggs" (can't recall authors name off hand).

[adorabelle]

Gosh, I could have written this myself. I haven't been ovulating, and it is so frustrating! I want to do everything naturally without meds, but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen.  I've been trying so long naturally and I feel like my body is failing me.  Why doesn't it work like it should?? 

((HUGS)!!

[LessTraveledBy]

Please know I am not trying to belittle your frustration. Just wanted to say that, while some women become pregnant right after the stop nursing, it can also take a while for the body to adjust.

Best of luck!